Reviews for Wake up dead
Scoobiee chapter 1 . 5/10/2013
Wow gave me the chills a little bit. You have amazing imagery and i love the way you describe things. Of course the Vampire Genre is so overused nowdays but this first chapter has drawn me in because its more Horror (The way it should be) I love it. Well Done.

Sorry for the crappy review, im not too good at giving them out. But basically what im saying is I love this. I can't really think of anything wrong with it, asside from maybe spelling error (but that could be just different enlighses like Color and colour eh.

Can't wait to read the next chapter

-Brooke
ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
I have to say, I LOVE this description: "I'm swimming through the layers of mud and clay..." It fits SO well and really makes the point. There's a lot of dirt. She's got to break through.

An intriguing beginning. It seems the narrator's mind is fractured and her instincts and desires take over; the narrator hardly questions being buried alive, sudden strength, and a thirst for human blood. I assume that's animal/demon instincts eating the narrator's mind.

Vampire stories can be quite intriguing. I like the fast-paced opening you have going on, and how the narrator slowly discovers new superhuman abilities. Could become quite the villain. :) Have an amazing day.
OrangeXAngel chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Hi there! I thought that your imagery is just beautiful and that you have some excellent word choices that keep your chapter from being repetitive and boring. I truly was surprised when he attacked the person nearby! I thought he might have knew him. D: Anyway, the only I have difficulty with is distinguishing the "I." Is it a girl or a boy. I had an impression it was a girl, but then it shifted to boy, so now I'm all confused. xD Great chapter though! Can't wait to read more.
Typing Typhoon chapter 1 . 6/17/2010
Haha, funny author's notes. I've had a couple submissions like that.

Wake Up Dead is really well written. All of the scenes between waking up in the coffin to fighting to reach the surface are all well done.

Also, narrative is great, too. Your character is well portrayed through the whole first chapter; good 1st chapter.
Skylinger chapter 3 . 5/23/2010
While this is written well you could increase the length. You leave a lot of unanswered questions. Where did they meet? Why did she want to be a vampire? Why would he reveal what he is to him/her. Still not sure if its a guy or girl. I'm guessing girl.

Skylinger
Skylinger chapter 2 . 5/23/2010
I might chane "Them, I have no problem remembering to My victims I have no problem remembering.

This chapter is also good. I like the interaction. I would say it seems a little short to leave a cliffhanger. A first Chapter decision wouldn't bother me. It would intrigue the reader.
Skylinger chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
I'm surprised this hasn't been reviewed more. You give very good descriptions to his suroundings. I admit at first I thought this was going to be a burried alive tale and not a vampire one. This is very good.

The only suggeastion I might make is distinguishing the size between the vampire and the human. Also is the vampire male or female? I'm off to the next chapter

Skylinger
MeAsIAm chapter 3 . 4/29/2010
He actually wanted to become one? Wow wow wow! I had to go over and read the chapter once more carefully to make sure if I had inferred correctly! :D Your descriptions are really good - one of the strong points of your writing style. A good read.
MeAsIAm chapter 2 . 4/29/2010
His friend did that to him? A great twist! I particularly like the way you describe emotions intensely - the helplessness, the anger is conveyed powerfully!
MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
That was a very good read. I generally pass up vampires and stuff but I enjoyed reading this. The opening was very good - and that was what got me hooked. There are no issues with grammar and your style makes one feel that he is in the lead character's place and I was like 'no...help!':D

Good job! :D
ranDUMM chapter 3 . 4/21/2010
Hey,

Wow, so he wanted that? Another twist in the story! Oh how I love twists :D It was written very well this time, though it took me a few moments to distinguish between the flashbacks and the present day happenings. Your descriptions are, as usual, absolutely BRILLIANT - I don't remember ever meeting someone who could describe things like that, so well done :) This was an awesome chapter - Keep writing!

ranDUMM
ranDUMM chapter 2 . 4/20/2010
Hey,

Wow. This was different again! Scary once more, but with a twist this time - Max isn't his friend, he's the one that 'turned' him. I liked that and it was different. One thing that I thought that could have been improved was the ending. It seemed like a semi-cliffhanger, so it was a bit awkward reading it. There's so much background (well.. some background at least) between Max & the protagonist, so that was great and enjoyable to read. Great work on this chapter! Keep writing :)

ranDUMM
ranDUMM chapter 1 . 4/20/2010
Hey,

Wow, that was really chilling! I have never ever read a vampire waking up from his grave from his point of view before, only ever from a third party, so great work on that! Because I've never read anything like that before, I was so shocked about how well you wrote it! The description that you used were chilling and precise, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it :)

Just a tip:

- "sensory info" Mostly abbreviations aren't used in writing, so maybe 'information' would have worked better there, though that's mostly my nitpicketyness, so ignore me :P

Other than that it was GREAT, and a really wonderful read :) Keep writing!

ranDUMM
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 3 . 4/14/2010
So, my reviews at this point are completely useless because I'm just going to keep saying the same things over again: You're an amazing writer, you write description, dialogue, settings and EVERYTHING really well, this story is engaging, this story is badass, and I want to keep you in my pocket. Upload more soon, I'm dying for more.
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 2 . 4/14/2010
Another brilliant opening line. If I could pick you up and keep you in my pocket I would. You have an amazing command of language that translates beautifully to your written work. I have no complaint or criticisms. I must echo what Dante said and agree that I was depriving myself. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.
23 | Page 1 2 Next »