Lewis seems almost... nice. Not at all like how you described him in the picture. Joel sounds like the arse. But Frankie is still that sarcastic chick we all know and love. Even if it is only the second chapter.

I totally loved it! It was never dull and the ending line was awesome! I like how you connected the beginning and end. Frankie, I thought it was a guy until I read the word she. She seems pretty kick butt too! Totally cool in a girl!

Srsly, this whole scene played out without Joel even removing Marie's lipstick marks from his neck! Frankie is not only one of the most unobservant women imaginable but also one of the most unobservant assassins ever created.

Frankie seems quite unequal to the task set before her. She also has a poor work ethic and is incredibly sloppy in getting up to speed. Logic would tell you , in her current role of bodyguard, that she'd need to know everything about everyone who ever comes into contact with the royal family. She should know she'd need a schedule of their engagements/activities etc.
Despite writing a fantasy you, as author, need to make the world credible within its own confines.

enjoying it, but it's never 'mum', it's always ma'am. The pronunciation of the world can often sound like 'mum', depending on which area of England the speaker is from, but the word itself is spelt ma'am.

There are some, no, many, grammar errors
In you sentences; for example, writing a word with an ing suffix and a word without one in the same sentence.

Other than the grammar, though, the story is great.

Interesting take on the world of vampire and the story. Some sections were a bit rushed, and others had odd sentence structure, but overall well written.

Cheers,
TQL

This was an excellent story, thank you.

Um, but he has vampire super-hearing, and can hear people coming towards the house from a mile away. How is he not hearing this?

I'm enjoying this.

""Though it is none of my business, I can only garner from your tone that a vampire must have broken your heart," William continued, an enigmatic sparkle resting in his blue eyes. "That is always the case when it is a woman who hates us. If it is a man, it is usually because one of our kind stole his dear one."" (Ch8)

Why would vampire women not break human men's hearts, and steal the "dear ones" from human women? Why does it only work the one way?

This is very much a play on Disney's Beauty and the Beast! I might not have noticed it, if you hadn't mentioned it yourself. The library, the pounding on the door, the 'if you won't eat with me, you won't eat at all', the general temperaments of the main characters.

I'm excited for her ex to resurface!

This is an interesting set up! Onward!

The royal family's history is really interesting and unique, but I don't quite like Frankie. There is a difference between being confident and smug, she's really uppity, and not in the "strong fierce independent woman roar" way.

Stupid Brick! Frankie shoulda staked him.