Woosh that was hard to intake. But very poetic indeed. It gives the creeps. And I certainly didn't expect that ending. You're good.

- Nice refrences to Romeo and Juliet and Shakespere. Good use of you're thous and credits.

- Nice imagery and descriptions of sleeping beauty and the prince are direct and flowery, then dark and disturbing.

- A bit mature and graphic, but you warned me.

- Damn! This is some crazy Romeo and Juliet story mutant merged with Sleeping Beauty mixed with Psycho!

Nerve rattling writing, Keep writing, would you kindly,

Kackex

oh wow.

Killer of an ending twist! Insane and dark but rich and powerful too.

"I will stretch you like a violin string across the violin waves of your bed, and I am going to pluck this string and produce an infinitesimal stream of divine melody.

And I am going to kill you, Sleeping Beauty."

That was my favourite line. That and the one about the snake entwining her.

for CC, occasionally I found teh descriptions a little confusing and distracting, like :"Golden curls wash along his pleated shoulders, and the lines of his back ripple like angel's wings" so i get that teh pleats are probablyu teh cloth he is wearing, but why his back ripples, i don't know ? Is he part reptile or something? :)

Otherwise, great stuff! thanks!

This is, like, a retelling of the original Sleeping Beauty. The end's just different. I really like it, though, because most people just retell the revised version and not the original.

Wow...

This had such beautiful poetry woven throughout it- stunning, lovely poetry that strikes despite the content. such intensity! Loved every word.

First off, wow. An odd retelling.

I especially love the first line "For hundreds of years has she lain dormant, a volcano heart encased in a veil of ice".

The descriptions are very nice and detailed, but a little flourished I think. And mind that "nakedness" is involuntary, it's "nudity" that's voluntary.

The story is an interesting, dark twist - not my usual read - but captivatng nonetheless.

Just a few things:

1) "Yes, the Prince whispers. My Sleeping Beauty, my lovely rose." - I feel it's easier if you give some kind of indication beforehand that it's what he is thinking.

2) "Those who peek, unfortunate souls, are stretched on torture racks." - I think it should be written as "Those who peek - unfortunate souls - are"

3) "hen he slides to the cavern of her mouth and fills it, utterly, completely, parting the red ribbon with his moist and fervent love." - this is a little too elaborate and a bit difficult to understand.

4) "(She is not dead, merely asleep.)" - This can be written as a simple statement

Your prose in this piece is wonderful. Dark and erotic, but not in an over-the-top kinky way. It's sadistic, but strangely beautiful. I really enjoyed reading this.

The Romeo and Juliet quotes were a nice touch. I found them a bit odd and distracting at first, but, in the end, they entertwined very well with the storyline, and I came to appreciate them.

Not really much else I think I can say, except that I absolutely loved it. Necrophilia, incest, and all. I really can't find anything I didn't like about this story.

This is a pretty amazing piece of work. Kudos. :]

o...very different. I like it but it's not really the end right? Hahah! And I do admire Romeo and Juliet and was pleased to see some of Shakespeare's fine work!