|Reviews for Messaih|
| CheriB chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
First of all, thank you for reviewing my story :)
Now, on to your poem. It's very beautiful, and very, um...abstract? When I say that word, I mean that I don't have a concrete image of what exactly is going on, and I like that. Of course, I imagine angels flying around, but I'm not sure if that's what you're trying to invoke.
You have a beautiful way to making the poem flow, as well. My favorite line is "Born, eat, breed, die." It adds a sort of primal instinct element to it.
I have no idea if this is helpful or not, but I just wanted to let you know that this is a great poem. Keep writing! :)
| Piptik chapter 1 . 8/15/2010
Really nice beginning, lovely use of imagery.
"Born, eat, breed, die,"
-An abrupt and mildly depressing point of view, especially when in contrast to the first few lines. Not distasteful, though. Actually, I think it was really prudent XD
"There are those who think high,
In the flock they stay,
There are those who dream high,
Circling the thoughts of heavens,"
-These two phrases caught my eye, even though they were spaced respectably in the poem. What I noticed was that both, even though one is dreaming and the other is thinking, portray a sense of immobility. Though after the first line, "There are those who think high," you talk about them anticipating the messiah. So maybe the ones who think high are still because they feel that only the messiah they're waiting for will be able to free them from "the bonds that bind,"?
But that makes me wonder about the ones who dream. They themselves are "circling the thoughts of heaven" and "Seeking, working on change below," so maybe the ones who dream feel that they are able to bring forth the change they seek? Or am I completely missing something vital?
Besides that, I think that this was a beautifully written poem, I thoroughly enjoyed it ;D
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Hey, Pooja. :)
I liked this poem a bunch. It was very speculative, I thought. :D
I think that your descriptions were great in this one... I especially liked the lines: "Multitudes of chattering forms," and "Struggling the bonds that bind." Those lines stood out to me. :)
I know that this is an older piece, but I found a few things that you might want to edit. :)
"Light up [the] silent morns."
"Born, eat, breed [and] die."
"Not [courageous] enough to speak aloud,"
"Silent[,] [rather than] up high[,]"
Those were the only things that stuck out to me, and needed to be changed. :) I also think that the last "stanza" part felt a little out of place, since it doesn't have the same rhyming thing going on as the rest of it.
Otherwise, this was great. :) I liked the analogy's of staying in a flock because we're all to afraid to speak our minds. :)
~Avid, via Roadhouse...
(I'm giving you those 5 freebie reviews, even though you said I didn't have to... :D)
| Narq chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
I think this was a very interesting poem. I felt like floating and daydreaming, somehow. It was relaxed.
I thought that you could have done better by having stanzas - shift and enter gives you single spacing - you might know htat already.
I liked "Born eat breed die" - it was succint and said a lot.
"Struggling the bonds that bind/not courage enough to speak aloud' - very strong, and powerful. Makes me think of jews? I kinda think that they keep on waiting, waiting, and then they get laughed at, or keep on getting punched - so they struggle?
I liked this overall.
| Charel Lebl chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
Very Creative...I can't tell exactly what it's talking about, but It's fun to read all the same. It flows very well though, and has a dreamy sort of style.
| BlaznFangurl chapter 1 . 5/5/2010
It was very pretty, but I couldn't really guess the content though o.O