|Reviews for New world|
| HoodedStellaish chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
I will be perfectly honest, I suck at being prompt on the internet. X( So, I apologize. I'm normally prompt...but not on here.
First off, I can't critique poems. I've never studied poetry so I'm just going to say that this poem was really good.
I loved that it came off that he (I'm going to say it's a he) was really sad about whatever was going on in his life. And that at the end, you could see him smiling like he was ready for a challenge. Being a person where bad stuff always happens, I could relate. I loved the poem. Very good!
| AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Right off the bat, I was pulled into this poem by the opening line. :) I thought it was a really clever way of personifying wisdom.
I also liked how you put the adjectives at the end... An example:
"The memories of six years last," instead of "the last six years." I thought it was unique, and put a different spin on this poem. :)
Here are some things that I caught...
I think you might want to switch the first and second lines around... It might make better sense that way. Also, if you did it that way, I would word it, "A little tune I hum[,] stringing [together] the pearls of wisdom."
I was a bit confused when I read "Thinking better than keeping mum." Is 'mum' a slang term for "keeping quiet?" I'm not really British, so I don't know. :P
"A tune of a flute comes [into] the air."
"Fools[,] [for they] know not." (I think this is what you were trying to say? Something along these lines... :P)
"This attachment is [forever.]
I would also suggest to take out the very last line and replace it with something else... it sort of takes away from the effect of the poem. :P
Great job on this, Pooja. :) I felt like the poem was very well done, and I liked how you only hinted at things, but didn't truly say outright why there was a flute playing, or why she was sad. :) It made me think, which is a great thing. :D
Avid, via the Roadhouse. :D 2/5.
| Charel Lebl chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
Very intriguing and unique, I like your word usage...my favorite line was the first one-stringing the pearls of wisdom. It just sounded sweet. I like the impression you gave and the feelings it pictured, they were very realistic and dreamy at the same time. Nice piece!
| Narq chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
I really liked your rhyming scheme. It kept me interested and the couplets tied the poem together.
Again, I thought it could be improved by stanzas.
Favourite lines: "trying ot peel emotions"
The general idea was kinda vague at the end though, because I understood the poet was gleful/triumphant in a way, but I didn't udnerstand why.
| BlaznFangurl chapter 1 . 5/5/2010
Well you write lovely poetry. I love the flow of the lines, beautifully written. I am sorry this is short, it is just really pretty and their isn't much to say :)
| Luis Negron chapter 1 . 4/2/2010
Nice poem. It was very well written. However, it needs some punctuation along the way to give the reader a chance to pause mentally, or even subconciously. Also, sometimes the rhymes can be a bit forced, like the words were changed to fit the rhyme. For example:
"A tune of a flute comes on the air
Reminding me of those days fair"
it sounds strange.
Overall, it's pretty good.
| xXhootsXx chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Good job! It's a really nice poem!
Check out my story, please! (:
| RetardedChicken chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
Wow ur a really good writer. I can't write poems to save my life and IRS is just... Amazin good work! :)