beautiful collection of haikus. the words feel light and have a dreamy effect.

keep ash as it is :)

Second guessing is a great way to fail yourself. Keep it the same.

I like the way that the whole poem is coded in metaphor. The phrase 'Soft shadows' makes me wonder whether it's the light, or surface, or the objects - 'souls' - that are soft. A lot packed into 3 lines )

Oh, my. These are all wonderful to me! Absolutely beautiful words.

Spring Cleaning, perhaps, is my favorite. Very interesting wordplay, and stunning imagery.

On Haunting, I definitely prefer ash. Dust leaves a plainer image, because dust is commonplace. Ash ends it with a sense of wonder.

And special mention to Full Bloom, because I think “they shed starlight like petals” is a gorgeous line.

But really, they all have amazing little surprises.

Tremendous work, in my honest opinion.

I think this is so delicate, and a haiku is the perfect format in my opinion. My only criticism is the final line is a touch bland in comparison to the two previous, I guess there's always a line between 'enough' imagery and 'this line seems dull', I'm not sure if I'm being hypercritical or if you see my angle? Either way, it's pretty. I like how you give starlight a shape. Nice job :)

Jack

Review Game Forum: Poems, Easy Fix

The laguage in this, though simple, is deep and thought provoking. I liked it a lot. the middle line is the best in my opinion. The metaphor is beautiful.

I like the way you compare nights to flowers and time to the wind. Very nice. Poetic.

I LOVE this! I love starlight imagery and poetry lately so i am glad you thought this lovely peice up!

I really like the image this produces. I can totally see the starlight as petals and not merely light.

I think you did a great job creating a haiku within the restrictions of a haiku. Your lines flow without feeling stilted. Excellent job.

"Winter nights blossom." I like your use of the word "blossom" here; it definitely suggests that there's a connection between life and death, winter and spring.

"Shed starlight like petals." I like your use of the word "shed" here; it ties in nicely to the "petals" - as if the stars are "shedding" their light or "becoming" something greater than before.

"Drift past the moon." This is a lovely concluding line. I like the way in which the word "drift" connects back to the "snow" imagery found in the beginning of the piece (with the reference to "winter"). The moon, of course, is always beautiful - such a strong feminine image.

Hi!

I'm generally not a big fan of haiku (I find they're often too short for me to like) but this is different. In such a short period, you've portrayed a lot of description.

Honestly, I don't see any real problems. I think you could change the word "shed" to "bleed" maybe, but that's just my thoughts. I like the scene you've created, it's quite rich. Nice work!

Kristen

I needed to read this more than once, to slow myself down, to then catch the simple beauty of the idea. Nicely done.

Really good. I can just see the moon _

I would change "ash" to "dust."

"Like phantoms carried on evanescent wings." I like that this opening line is a simile - that's very creative of you to start off with such a celestial image.

Wonderful!

I think yo shoud leave it as 'ash' as it connotates death, destruction, rebirth, and 'dust' connotates weariness and old age, and i think the former works better here. :)