|Reviews for The Miracles|
| Van Quatra chapter 8 . 2/16/2011
this needs a prequel, i would like to know how this started, how kachiro got involved with the defenders and what happened to the other 3 defenders. many questions, hopefully a new story idea for answers. :)
| Van Quatra chapter 9 . 12/14/2010
i have to say, i really enjoyed reading this. you did a great job. the whole cybernetic enhancements for fighting were really quite inventive. i like the bonus chapter, it was funny on how they screwed up all the time and the ending was hilarious. how the hel did they know about them i wonder. i will check out some of the others. keep it up.
| Eytha chapter 5 . 1/22/2010
Sorry it's taken me so long to review you back. The chapter felt shorter than the others, I don't know if it is or it just felt that way. It is a very somber chapter though with it all taking place in the hospital. I liked the harshness of reality with friends and people close being dead. It can be very easy to shy away from things like that, but it is good that you didn't.
Aiko only continues to become more and more strange. She is not out of character or anything, but it is certainly suspicious that she is being allowed visitor rights to him while no one else was and days before everyone visited. Plus she was able to stay even after everyone else had to leave.
And it seems that Hachiro is starting to get his head back into the fight. So I'm guessing that we'll be seeing him fighting more seriously in the coming chapters. Though I do wonder if he'll just go straight to searching for his mother to know if she is dead or lost. It probably was the convenient extra push that he needed to accept what he was going to have to do.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 9 . 1/4/2010
The world is not as ideal as you made it out to be, but I don't think I should be repeating this in this review. I'll must take it for it is.
I must admit, this is quite entertaining. And humorous. I love the humor, especially with the three guys bumbling and screwing up their attempts. It was so funny I almost fell off my chair laughing (no, I didn't, but you get the idea).
Bonus chapters are fun to read, and yours is no exception. Keep up the good work!
P.S. I like Savage by Nature much more than this, probably because it is way darker and more realistic. I look forward to more of your works next time!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 8 . 1/4/2010
Okay, this is a fun chapter, but it throws logic out of the window.
I kind of find Ryuken converting to Hachiro's cause...lame, to be honest. Really, and why was Hachiro giving such a speech to his opponent? One of the important rules in battle is not to let your guard down, and he gives a speech to Ryuken? And I find it even more laughable that Ryuken followed him.
And by Hachiro's logic, Miracle is a tyrant because the world fights over it. If we follow his train of thought, doesn't that make money, fossil fuels, resources and territory evil too? Wars have been fought over them too, you know. So by his logic, he would be wiping out money in his next cause. Oh, and don't forget nuclear weapons too. They are probably evil. So we should get rid of them as well.
And not everyone will accept his logic. I mean seriously, Miracle is just an alternative source of power, like fossil fuels and wind and solar energy. You think people, especially the government, are going to sit back and agree with Hachiro? "Yes, Miracle is evil. We should stop using it." Really now...
I don't mean to get into a moral debate, but I believe Miracle, like nuclear power and other weapons, are not evil. It's the people who use it for evil that are evil. Basically, in your story, there are many benefits, both medical and electrical, to using Miracle. Hachiro's just ignoring them and throwing them out of the window with his twisted logic. Like nuclear power too. It can be used for destruction, or it can be use to power electricity and save the world from giant asteroids. It all depends on how you use it. I don't believe Miracle is any different.
Sorry about all the nonsense I've been typing up that. They're merely my opinions. Well, this is your story, and I think you write really well. You have an entertaining plot and interesting characters, it's just that I disagree with Hachiro's logic sometimes. I look forward to more of your works next time!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 7 . 1/4/2010
Okay, all is revealed here. I should have known that Aiko was suspicious, after all, and now I understand what happened (her non-existent mother, why she would move into a stranger's house)but I'm still wondering about Hachiro and his mom's reactions to her staying with them. Same room, no questions, etc
That's not important, though. And now both Defenders being captured are...kind of lame. I literally went wtf at that. I mean, they're Defenders, and then Cyclops had to grab Aiko of all people to use her as a hostage. Sure, she's important to Hachiro, but I seriously do not think the UJA care about her (maybe they care about the two Defenders). Besides, they'll still attempt an invasion if my military knowledge is reliable. Three lives, as compared to the danger when the Insurgency monopolizes Miracle, are very insignificant. And they'll launch a rescue mission, with negotiaters or whatever.
Looking forward to your last two chapters!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 3 . 1/4/2010
Can I point out that it doesn't make sense that Hachiro and Aiko are sleeping in the SAME room? With Hachiro's mother in, do you think she will approve of that? And now they're even sharing the same bed!
Yes, it sounds like any guy's fantasy, but it makes no sense. They were practically strangers when they first met, and now sharing the same bed is a little...unrealistic.
And Hachiro is a little selfish. No, this time it's acceptable, and makes him more realistic. But I didn't like his attitude. There are people dying out there, and all he cares about is his life and grief over his father's death. You would think that would wake him up to the pain and suffering of others who are losing their fathers, sons and brothers to the war. While that's my opinion, I do think it's good that you're portraying Hachiro like that because it does make him seem more human and fallible.
Other than that, you ought to do something about Aiko and Hachiro. Their relationship isn't making much sense now.
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 2 . 1/4/2010
I was seriously stunned by this chapter.
Let me get this straight. A girl you saved a few days ago from the bus accident follows you home (it'll be weirder if she suddenly knows where you live) and wants to live at your home, and you, not knowing her well, lets her? No, wait, it's even weirder that she wants to stay in a stranger's home in the first place! And what about her mother? Where did she go? Oh, and how is that you know she's going to your school when no one said anything about it? (I re-read the thing and no one said anything about her going to Hachiro's school; plus she was still wearing the different school uniform)
And now Hachiro is revealed to be one of the Four Defenders. That's not a bad thing, but you could be a little less...abrupt, I suppose. It's a little too much information to take in when he's suddenly revealed to be a Defender. I know it's meant to be a plot twist, but it sounded very random...nah, that's my opinion, so you can ignore it.
What gripes me is Aiko's reaction. Either she knows more than she lets on, or she just doesn't make sense (like most of her actions). Most people were be stunned to disbelief and asking questions about what had just happened, but she goes..."should...we just get to school now?" Really now? Or is she someone we should be suspicious of?
Either way, while your story is fun to read, it's not making a lot of sense right now. Just wanted to point that out to you before I continue.
| Eytha chapter 4 . 1/1/2010
I'm sorry for how long it took me to get back to return the review you gave me. Things have been pretty busy for me. But now I get to see what happens after that meeting. The jump in time surprised me a little, but if I'm not mistaken Japanese High School Graduation is at the start of March and not June like it is for those in the US. They also start school in March as well.
Apart from that little thing I did not really notice anything. The festival provided a nice warm moment before all of the action started. Sort of like his last days as a normal person before going back to fighting again. Aiko's surprising skill with the target practice was funny, I don't know if you're planning for that to have any more meaning than just being a fun moment. I get this feeling like Aiko is more than she appears perhaps, but I could just be over thinking it.
You get back to the action though with the attack on the festival. I'm a little surprised that people would be willing to turn out for a festival with their city being in danger. The fighting played out nicely and finally getting to see what Hachiro can do in a fight was very enjoyable. I was curious to see what sort of abilities he had. I was a little frustrated with him that he didn't shoot Cyclops while he was punching him with his gun arm.
Still though a very dramatic moment at the end with Hachiro getting beat up and losing the fight. Though you sort of softened the question of his safety at the cliffhanger by him knowing that he was being carried away. He is the main character so I know he won't die, but doesn't mean you can't have a nice suspenseful cliffhanger of how he will get out of the situation.
It was another fine chapter and you balanced the comedy and light hearted moments with the action very nicely. And a fairly dark moment with so many innocents getting hurt or attacked. Keep up the good work!
| Eytha chapter 3 . 12/8/2009
My this one was much longer than the others. It was still a good read. There was not much action, but I think it still held strong for the character development that you spent time on.
Aiko is becoming a fun character, definitely helps to lighten the mood in those tense situations. And I guess my question got answered about where she's sleeping. She does seem unusually fast to take to him though, but that comes with the innocent personality. It's funny to watch that she's getting the main character to change his habits though, cleaning up his room.
With the ending you have I guess you're setting up for the action to begin again in the next chapter. Lots of chaos and nowhere to run. It's going to be interesting.
I've got a couple of points to critique for this chapter. The first is the usage of honorifics. You infrequently used them and Mr. Kaeda stopped using after initially using them along with the teacher. There's no problem using them, but if you do you'll need to be consistent. In Japan everyone uses honorifics, except I think if you're extremely close friends or married perhaps, but I think even then its something that everyone uses. So if you do use them, all of the characters should be speaking with them to keep things consistent through the story.
The other thing is not so much a critique, but just a suggestion. I noticed that as I was reading all of the dialogue started at the beginning of the paragraph. There are times when some dialogue may flow better moved into the middle of the paragraph. It feels very uniform, so breaking it up a little would help with the flow as well in places.
Other than that you have another strong chapter. You did well not having to rely on action, which can be quite challenging at times. Keep it up!
| Eytha chapter 2 . 12/8/2009
Sorry for the delay on the reviewing you, but I am now. Once again I really don't have anything to really critique. You've got a solid chapter throughout, mixed comedy and action very well and I think I may have noticed one spelling error, but I can't remember. You have me reading and focused on the story so that's a good thing.
As I was starting to read I was half expecting the girl that he saved from the first chapter to be staying at his place recovering with the way he was turning down his friend. But then she shows up anyway. Though for some reason I thought he had his own place, but I guess that's because so many anime/manga characters end up living alone. It's nice to a see a family.
It looks like the real story is starting now with the introduction of Swift and the defenders. I remember them being mentioned in the first chapter and it was nice seeing that come around again. It seemed like a small footnote so it was a little surprising to see that the main character is part of the group, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Things will be getting even more interesting here out.
Though is Aiko really sleeping in his room or another room? I can see a lot of fun misunderstandings happening between the two of them.
| Eytha chapter 1 . 11/26/2009
I was able to return the review pretty quickly this time. I didn't find much to critique. You have a very strong piece here. I enjoyed what I read.
I'll start with the only critique I have which is pretty small. You had a strong finish up until almost all of the tension and action was released before the ending. I thought the cliffhanger was going to be pretty strong, but you resolved most of the immediate issues so the only question left was why the explosion happened. The cliffhanger could have been stronger, but considering the rest of the chapter, its pretty small as I said.
I liked the way that you managed to slide in a history lesson on your world in a natural way. You got the readers up to speed pretty quickly and faded out at the right time before it felt too long. You also provided a nice rational presentation of what happened to the world with the loss of its usual energy source. The only thing I wonder is if Miracle is a similar source like petroleum since the world relies on it for more than energy, it is also used for plastics and other everyday household uses. With it gone we would have lot a cheap source. So I'm guessing Miracle fills in all of the roles that petroleum left.
Other than that I don't have much. I think you did a good job creating the world and presenting it. And spent a good amount of time establishing the main character. I'll be curious to see where his lazy nature takes him and what it drags him into.