Reviews for Unraveling
Secret Santa of Doom chapter 1 . 12/25/2011
I really like this story, because it's funny and adorable. I also like how it's from the point of view of the yarn, because that's really different and interesting.

It's really good, even though it's so short. I like the cat as well, because I love cats, they're so cute!

I find it a bit weird that the yarn says it's begging to be touched etc, but then two paragraphs later it suddenly wants the cat to stop.

I like all the description of the yarn and cat, because it makes the story easy to visualize, and because it isn't boring (I usually find description really boring).

I also like how the cat is called Lord Kitty. And I wonder if that's the cat's actual name, or if the yarn just calls it that. Also, the yarn gives the impression that unravelling renders it dead in some way. Does that mean that it would be brought back to life by winding it back up again?

Anyway, this was a good story! I liked it. :D
Dragon made me do it chapter 1 . 6/10/2011
Oh, this is very clever! I got to the end of the second paragraph before I realised that the narrator is actually the ball of yarn! What an interesting way to show an oppressed minority :P

'always thinking'- I thought this was interesting because we go around with this conception of humans holding a monopoly on abstract thought, and yet we have absolutely no idea what other animals are thinking. Cats seem to often have a look in their eyes like they are deeply ruminating on something.

'Blinding orange yarn as my trail of breadcrumbs' great choice of words!

Great work, I enjoyed this :-)

Syntax/grammar/spelling:

Unraveling should be spelt Unravelling unless this is spelt differently in different countries.

'and which direction I'm going' - it is more grammatically correct to say 'and in which direction I'm going', but you could also say 'and which direction I'm going in' which fits more comfortably in conversational language.
xXbunnyholicXx chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
Such a simple scenario and yet you managed to create such a piece out of it. You, my dear, are a genius.

I love the visuals and the description that came along with this, and the repeat of the first line at the end. It kind of hints that something similar will happen again.

Not to mention that this brings up some pretty funny thoughts...

But never mind about that. I'm off to check out some of your other stories!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
Congratulations on coming in third in the RM!

This is awesome! First of all, I love the subject matter because I have 3 cats of my own and I could so see them doing this. I also really liked your descriptions. Your word choices created an great picture of this chase in my mind. The personification of the yarn was the best part of this piece though. It was very unique and creative. It was a really interesting point of view. Nicely done.
C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
I thought this was a fantastic piece. You described the action in such a way that I was engaged the entire time. It wasn’t until near the end did I realize who’s POV it was. Very, very clever.

I loved your descriptions throughout this. They’re perfectly worded, perfectly structured, and really pulled me in. No criticisms or corrections; amazing as always. :)

(Apologies for such a brief review. I don't know what else to comment on. Doh!)
AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 6/29/2010
Aww, this was cute and very creative. :)

I liked it a lot, because you narrated it in a way that was really clever-from the yarn's pov. :P I would have never thought of something like that! :D

Overall, I thought your descriptions were really good. :)

" I start rolling, leaving a tail of blinding orange yarn as my trail of breadcrumbs, letting everyone know where I've been and which direction I'm going."

I love this line. :) It's a very neat idea, and sounds really cool. :P

There was only like two things I saw:

"His claws hit me with the intent of a predator[,] but I slip through..." Add a comma after predator.

"It will hurt to hit the bottom, I imagine, but before the moment comes I stop, [I'm] unable to go on [because there's] no more of me left."

Just tweak this sentence a bit. You were forgetting a couple things. :)

Otherwise, I think that's it. You might want to be careful with making some sentences too long and having too many commas. They're kind of borderline run-on sentences right now. :P

Great job. I enjoyed this a lot. :)

Avid. Roadhouse. GF. :)
Kackex chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
This was cool and I liked you're little experiment with POV. It new and refreshing. The story was amusing and captavating, while fortelling the death of a piece of string. I really enjoyed this piece because it was non-chalant and playful, and I can't wait to read more of your works. Though as Sophiesix has said maybe it would be better if you formatted the poem in a poem format.

Keep writing, Would you kindly,

Kackex
sophiesix chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
Awesome concept. I like teh novel POV, because its refreshing. and the cat's fascination is really well done to, also the concept of a life draw out in a trail of string.

What would for me and to the piece, is if it was formatted like a poem. tricky in FP, but it would fit the shotr and bouncy phrase structure, and you could align the lines in a staircase for that bit... yeah it could be awesome :)

teh only line that stood out to me in a less good way was:

“I fall on the tiles with a soft thump and bounce across the patterned bathroom floor, wet and sparkling from a fresh clean” the subject of the sentence changes half way through; I thought it was the wool that got cleaned at first and was confused

From the review marathon – link in my profile. :)
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
I liked the subject of this story. It was funny and engaging at the same time as it was sad. It described the death of something, but I found myself, as the reader, on the cat's side. Probably comes from a life spent living with them! :)

I also like the description. It drew me into the story and painted a clear picture. The beginning and ending matching up was also a nice touch and finished up the story well.

Happy Christmas!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 12/13/2009
Cute! This makes me want to turn on Animal Planet! I like the way you handled movement, and also the first line when you write "I catch his eye"-fun word play with the multiple ideas of "I". *sigh* I love cats. Lord Kitty. What a funny name too-everything about this narrative is playful and fun, even the literature techniques you employ, like the simile "Silent as the night sky..." Totally pure playfulness :)
Inkspilled chapter 1 . 12/12/2009
I really liked this, it's amusing and the perspective is interesting. I especially like the yarn's passage through life part. Very nice.
Anarchist Tuberose chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
Lol, this was very sweet, very bedtime story worthy. Cute!
Airlia Alala chapter 1 . 11/29/2009
It's a very clever twist that you have written this story from the point of view from the yarn. I really enjoyed it. Your descriptive language was well done and I felt rather sorry for the ball of yarn when he was all unraveled. I also thought the name for the cat, Lord Kitty, suited the cat rather well.

AA