|Reviews for A Visit to Neverland|
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 12/10/2009
I liked the character's introspection on her subsequent downfall. It was believable, without coming off as too melodramatic. Nice :)
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
I liked the contemplating, almost desperate mood you used for this piece. It went along well with the message you were trying to portray. Nice use of the "in transit" theme and the way you tied in the MC's changing life and a train ride.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| Narq chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
Interesting piece, putting poetry and prose together.
One thing I found jarring, the use of "I" was a bit too close together. If you can try to use "I" sparingly, especially at the start, where there is no action going on since the "I" gives sense of identification and a densely populated text with "I"s speed up the pace.
Anyways, am blabbering on.
Good luck for WCC!
| Lea Ai chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
This was definitely an emotionally charged piece. There was one thing that confused me though...it seemed like she was a recovering addict that fell back in, yet in the beginning she said that she'd only been drunk 3 times...am I missing something? Or maybe you are pointing out then that addicts aren't always honest with themselves?
I enjoyed her inner struggle-the bit of poetry you added to the middle. It was easy to see the battle raging within there.
Good luck with WCC!
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
This is such a depressing piece, but so emotionally strong. I can feel the character's struggle through life, with this addiction. I love that inner conflict.
I'm not a fan of the underlining and the bold pieces in the work, though I can see how they were meant to emphasize your points. (It's just a pet peeve I have, really. If you like it, don't mind me.)
I like how your ending offers some sort of conclusion to the reader, and doesn't just end. It's sad, yet it lends a kind of hope. The character may fight this addiction, in the future. Or she could let it run her life, half-enjoying it like she's been doing. I really like that "unwritten ending" part of the story.
Good luck in the WCC! :]