Reviews for Nine Life Cat
FSTransTeamD1 chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
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AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 7/30/2010
Hey, Adrenalin. :) Avid here, with a review for you winning this month's WCC! Congratulations. :D

Opening: I definitely felt like the beginning drew me in, even with the first sentence. It was a bit confusing, until I got to the middle, but even though it was a bit puzzling at first, the descriptions and the characters made me want to figure out what was going on. :)

Scene: I really enjoyed reading the first chunk, where you told of the characters growing too big and fighting in the small space. I felt like the part about them getting too large for the space they were enclosed in, stood out to me. It made me question, who exactly are these characters, and why don't they move to some other place if it's too crowded where they're at now? It edged me on to keep reading the piece. :)

Relationships: I thought that the relationships between the characters was well written, even if I wasn't sure who/what they were yet. I could sympathize with Shy Sister, and Him, while wonder why Big Sister was so moody. :P

Writing: I thought that your descriptions and writing style is very unique. I liked how you described the characters and progressed the plot line through this. :) The part that really stood out to me was when the kittens were being born. I thought that the way you had Him narrate being born as "disagreeable" was quite clever, and the only good thing about the experience was his mother and getting to eat. :P

Ending: Ah, I loved how you tied it into Ancient Egypt. :D I thought that the whole 'first reincarnation' thing was also very clever, and I wasn't expecting it at all... It also made me think that the term "reincarnation" also fit the prompt "In Transit," since if you are being reincarnated, you are always going, and are transioning through life, until you reach enlightenment. I don't know if this was intended or not, but I thought I'd point it out. :P

Spelling/Grammar:

There were four of them[,] and he was the only male. So they called him[,] ["Him."]

though authority and assertiveness she had [remove "in"] plenty.

"He didn't know if it meant something unflattering about her or about him[,] but he did know that it meant swatting her when she exasperated them provoked a reaction much more violent in retaliation."

I also think this sentence is a bit too long. Perhaps you should break it up a bit?

Calm Sister never attracted attention to her[self] voluntarily.

"I shall teach you[,] and I shall name you. But all of that will come in time..."

That's all that I could find. :D Most of it was just commas, so nothing big. :P

Good work on this, Adrenalin. :) I hope this review was helpful. :D

Avid. :)
Nesasio chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
I love this opening. It's so simple and yet expertly handled because it fits with the voice I'd expect from a young cat. The fact that he's named 'Him' is also great 'cause the simplicity of it's eerie and I had to wonder what sort of story this would be. Great lead-in.

I have mixed feelings about the characters introduced. On one hand I love the way you're able to show Him's siblings in the womb. We get a real sense of how he's understanding the world around him and also that he's rather special (even if not physically stronger than Big Sister). On the other hand, the people at the end were hard to figure out. This mostly holds with the newness of Him's perspective but also confused me a little. I couldn't get as interested in them as I was in the siblings.

There didn't seem to be many spelling or grammatical errors, which was nice. I noticed '...took most of the place...' which should probably be 'space' rather than place, as well as '...he could make nothing out the strange...' which is probably just missing the 'of'. These errors are nothing a close readthrough wouldn't fix and didn't take me out of the story.

Overall, I found this idea intriguing. I know this started as a WCC piece but I really think it would be cool to expand it. I enjoyed the concept when it was explained at the end (though I think the word-limit for WCC limited the piece a bit and made the end feel a bit rushed) and have never read a story that involves something like a 9-lives-cat. That was unique to me and made me want to read more.
Skylark1 chapter 1 . 7/17/2010
This is fantastic! I know I'm supposed to describe to you at least one negative point that needs improving along with the positive, but it's honestly hard to find any. Wow. I definitely recommend you get this published, and I hope you won't stop here, even though you say it's complete. (That's the flaw - there's not enough of it!) You should know that I absolutely adore cats, so I might be a little biased, but even so...

Actually, I *can* think of a minor flaw - I did find it a little disturbing at first when I realised that Him was describing the womb... but it was written in such a cute way that it just didn't produce the same 'ugh' feeling that most similar scenes do. I imagine there was probably some temptation to dirty the scene with death, miscarriage or other 'icky' details, but it never came to that. Instead, you wrote it in a way that made the birth seem clean, natural and like the wonderful experience it should be! As someone who usually has problems with gore in stories, I think you did a marvellous job and turned a topic I wouldn't normally enjoy reading about into a story that I loved! Well done!

As for the positive, where do I start? I love the descriptive nature of the kittens' names, because I knew something about them all straightaway and could really empathise with them (even Big Sister). I was very impressed at how their actions were so severely restricted, and yet you managed to convey so much about each individual character despite this. When you brought the mother cat in, I think my heart just about broke with joy from the sheer 'AW' factor.

I really, really, really want to know more about all the characters, especially the three sisters I felt I was starting to get to know well in the womb. Again, I think this story's biggest flaw is that it's too short!

The Egyptian connection at the end came as a surprise, but it made sense. The only thing I found jarring was the final paragraph, because Nefertari suddenly transitioned from speaking to the other human to speaking to Him, and I didn't realise this at first.

At any rate, I loved this. It's going on my Favourites! (But I still don't think you should end it here!)
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
"who took most of the place and kicked at them if she felt they moved too much"... The phrasing here seems awkward. Took up most of the space might sound better or occupied most of the place.

"the worst bully of Him and his siblings’ lives."... I think that should be lowercase since you're not using the name. Like if he was named Carl you wouldn't say the worst bully of Carl and his siblings'. You'd say worst bully of him and his siblings'.

"but he did know that it meant swatting her when she exasperated them provoked a reaction much more violent in retaliation.".. There's something off with the phrasing here. Between the exasperated and provoking. Are you saying that the swatting provoked the reaction or that she exasperated them and he did more than just swat?

All those little nitpicks aside. I really liked the piece. I think starting it how you did was great to make it mysterious and then explain where they were etc. The ending is interesting though I thought cats had to stay with their mothers for a certain period of time? I guess I'm wrong. Well done.
YasuRan chapter 1 . 12/10/2009
Adored this as much as I adore cats. Such wonderfully human animals, aren't they? Your writing was perfect for the POV here. The distinction between each sibling was my favorite part of the story.
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
This was a cool take on the prompt. Though it was kind of a surprise to find that the cats' space was a womb. XD Guess I should've seen that one coming.

This idea makes me curious... is this an actual legend?

Good job and good luck in WCC!
Narq chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
Wow, it most certainly DID fit the prompt! It was very very interesting and very original.

I mean, at first it was the kittens born in a caste and them kicking around, and then I realised, NO, they were in the womb, so interesting! (and then came the transit outside!)

And then, when there were born I thought it would be the normal mordern world, but NOPE! you managed to put it into the past, and then have another nine-life transition thing happen, so very very clever on your behalf!

Good luck on WCC!

Narq
Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
This was such a strange, yet wonderful piece. The whole experience inside the womb was described very clearly. Though at first, I was confused about it all, I think that's the intention and part of what makes this piece work is (pardon the cheesiness) the journey in getting to the end, in figuring out who and what they actually are. Very nicely done, and really original! I think it's an excellent interpretation of the prompt. :]

The only problem I have with this piece: Isn't it bad to touch a cat right after it's been born? Something about the mom will abandon her kitten because it smells like human...? (Though, I'll admit, that could easily be some sort of urban legend I was told as a kid that I've been duped into believing my entire life. xD)

Besides that, very fun, well-written story.

Best of luck in the WCC! :]
Lea Ai chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
I LOVED this! :-D Wonderful piece!

I had two favorite lines...the first one (or two :-D) "There were four of them and he was the only male. So they called him Him."-a great start, immediately made me at home with the cats.

And:"The trouble was that she deserved her name; even Him couldn’t match up to her size, and he was male. He didn’t know if it meant something unflattering about her or about him" - HA!

And I completely didn't catch that they weren't born yet...beautiful descriptions, well thought out.

This is very creative. Great job! Good luck with WCC!

Lea Ai
Inkspilled chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
Wow, this story really moved. First you're in confusion, guessing all the places they could be and then you know, but you never know the whole thing until the end. Good progress, very interesting. Although, his name being "Him" made it slightly confusing, sounding almost like bad grammar in my head, at times.

Good Luck in the WCC!