|Reviews for An Inner Goddess|
| lili999 chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
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| Melody-kun chapter 2 . 5/19/2010
Good so far! Not really seeing any plot advancement, though it's probably because this is the first chapter. Good grammer and flowing sentences. One thing, the very first seems like a run-on. Other than that, good job!
| Melody-kun chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
Very creative way to start a story! You're the first person I've seen to do that! I can tell each line has been crafted to perfection. Very mysterious and luring!
| BlaznFangurl chapter 3 . 5/18/2010
Ah well i like everything here, the only thing that seems strange is that she alks pretty well for a two tear old, I mena aren't two year olds really smalla nd barely know how to walk and stuff yet alone talk :/ Maybe I just dont know kids...
:) I love all your names, they are so cute and asiany sounding :D
Lol, I feel you, playign around with he hot best friend and squealing teenage assoscates, it is all just ugh sometimes :)
Great chappy Hun :) Blazn, paying ya back :)
| Vernelley chapter 2 . 5/17/2010
I think you've done a pretty good job here so far. Your writing isn't so bad, but I guess it's good to revise it just in case. The plot seems interesting too.
| Adam the poet chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
Griping prologue, very nice job. Why are you rewriting this? It's good to read. See you in the future
Adam from the roadhouse
| KryssiHollie chapter 3 . 5/13/2010
I love it! Love it! Love it! For example the, "Insert gagging here." and "Insert sigh here." made me laugh SO much! On top of that I love Kiyomi's attitude, and Eiko's happiness and...love the characters. They just like...came to life! :D
P.S. Can you read my writings? . Thanks.
| JMEM1 chapter 3 . 5/12/2010
Another very good chapter. :) I do sense that Kiyomi and Taro will become an "item", but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
:P Eiko is adorable. She's so boy-crazy (or more specifically, Masaru-crazy) it's very endearing. I've known my fair-share of boy-crazy girls, sometimes they can be a tad annoying, but you've managed to create a very lovable boy-crazed girl.
One thing I'm going to suggest is maybe to "simplify" young Kiyomi's language a bit. In the flashback, I mean. It just seemed that she was very advanced in speaking for a two-year old. Maybe my opinion isn't exactly valid, as I have no siblings or relatives more than a month younger than me, and can't exactly tell from experience, but she just appeared to be speaking a bit too fluently for her age. Also, you could also spell what she says, how she says it. For example: You mentioned that she pronounced "remember" as "remembah". You could just write "remembah" in the dialogue itself, I think readers would understand what she's saying. :)
Again, great job! Looking forward to the next chapter! :D
| JMEM1 chapter 2 . 5/12/2010
Oh Math. Curse Math. I quite agree with your characters' opinions on Math in this chapter :P . Loved that parody of "Party in the USA" I might have to remember it on my next Math test. :D
Loved the light-hearted mood in this chapter, while still maintaining a dark undertone. That vision definitely meant something important, and I'm very interested in finding out. :)
Just one thing you might want to watch is keeping constant tense, I noticed a couple of times where there was present tense instead of past. Nothing big, but you might just want to watch for it. :)
| JMEM1 chapter 1 . 5/12/2010
This was a different kind of beginning, almost like a whole bunch of summaries drawn into one big prologue, it was really cool to read. I liked the mysteriousness and vagueness of the prologue, while still making it clear what is about to occur and how important it is.
Great job! :D
| KatriAdriah chapter 3 . 5/11/2010
Love it! This seems like it will be a great story line, and I love the pace its going at- not too fast, not too slow. Keep it up! hope to be reading a new chapter soon. :3
| dbz 77 chapter 2 . 5/10/2010
I can tell this takes place in Japan. Could you be more specific about the city?
The description is detailed, a positive.
| dbz 77 chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
This is an interesting way to begin a story.
| Kobra Kid chapter 3 . 4/2/2010
Aw that was so cute at the end! I wish I had a guy best friend like that T.T. I have lots of guy friends, but NONE like Taro!
anyways, great job! I liked all of the new descriptions & the flashback was excellently done. Seriously, awesome revision! Keep up the great work!
P.S. Could you please payback via Uprising? I just updated. :)
| RetardedChicken chapter 4 . 4/2/2010
Brilliant so far dude, I like your writing style. The dialogue is also written really well. The parts in italics work really well and I like all the characters so far. Awesome stuff dude.