Reviews for Wolfskin
Segna chapter 6 . 8/18/2011
Okay, this story is confusing me. I don't get it. -Segna, I do have an account I'm just too lazy to log into it.
Segna chapter 6 . 8/18/2011
Okay, this story is confusing me. I don't get it. -Segna, I do have an account I'm just too lazy to log into it.
Sarah A. W chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
The first thing that caught my eyes here was your writing, which is what most people would notice first. I like how your sentences flow and the tone is great. It took me deep into the story, it's very appealing, so this is a great thing.

I have a feeling of something creative, evil, dark version of Red Riding Hood? I like it when writers make dark versions out of these kinds of stories.

"The wolf was not born in the woods. He was born in the open, in a cottage, in a land hesper, which after a great war succumbed to the whispering creep of the Forest." - Great description, but it was somewhat unclear what you mean by "hesper" .. Do you mean shipwreck or a forest full of trees? What I like is the dark feeling you put into narrating this, and it seems to fit your story's genre.

Good luck! :D
Long Island Iced Tea chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
Review for the Review Game:

Grammar, Word Choice - I found the grammar and some of the words you used kind of 'iffy' and hard to understand in the context - such as 'land hesper', what does that mean? And you said he was born 'in the open' but then you said he was 'born in a cottage', now how does that make sense?

He had no name – or if he had one, it has been long forgotten; such is the way with wolves.

I think 'it had been long forgotten' would have been more appropriate.

Tone - I liked the tone of the story, it was very appealing. It reminded me of dark, Grimmesque fairytales, but told by a very by-the-Bible kind of priest, if that makes sense. Dark, but interesting.
Layla the fiend chapter 33 . 10/2/2010
Here, have a tiny speck of my praise and update this thing. :)
Peevxwm Vaj chapter 33 . 9/29/2010
Praise: My absolute favorite figurative device was the foreboding screeching and buckling. It's totally original - completely unlike the overused similes that many writers here (including me) fall back on.

The moment when She sees the wolf's homeland seemed to follow environmentalist stories we are familiar with - Nausicaa, Fern Gully, etc. It was the "I never realized" moment that you see in all of these movies when the outsider visits the alien home and realizes that the slime things have human qualities as well. I'm not saying it's cliche, only that it is familiar. And when you jump into the 33rd chapter of a story, I am looking for some familiarity. It let me in, so to speak.

I wonder how a wolf nods...

Not as Praiseworthy - Not much really happens here, so for a one-shot (it is for me, anyway) it seems kind of boring. In the scope of the larger work, though, I can see the need for some respite, especially if the backstory is as exciting as I suspect it to be.

I'd tell you to keep it up, but from the number of postings, it seems obvious you don't need my encouragement ;)
Tawny Owl chapter 5 . 6/12/2010
lovely images with the metal trees, really combined well with the glass birds.

Thw wolf waved his arms though - I'm torn between liking the ambiguity of it and wondering what he actually looks like. I think I mentioned something like that last time though, so I'll try not to again.

I had to read the bit about his heart a few times to get to grips with it. I think its a good way of illustrating how he's feeling, but it feels like it needs tweaking to make it clearer and less involved.

he could have made her happy. she could have made him happy. Oh, that was very bitter sweet. Nice.
jack9 chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
This chapter is quite short, but a lot of things are said about the wolf which are important for understanding the story later on. It is a good introduction into the story.

I like how you describe everything really detailed and carefully. It creates in this case an atmosphere of mistery and suspense and it draggs you into the story and makes you want to keep reading. I only had one problem with one sentence that made me lose track of where i was for a bit.

"In his time...filled lupine hearts." I had the impression that sentence was out of context and it took me some time to get back to the story. I'm not saying it is wrong, just that it made me lose that misterious image of the land I was creating in my head.

I think you did an amazing job writing the story. I don't read that often but I really liked it.
lookingwest chapter 6 . 6/4/2010
First part:

...inhaling the intoxicating air.

-Why is the air intoxicating?

He remembered sluggishly why he was in the forest at all.

-Edit: omit "at all"

He had to find out who killed his brother.

-I liked that you gave us this recap here, maybe especially because it's been awhile since I've read Ch. 5, so it was nice to get right back grounded in the plot.

He set his jaw grimly and stood up.

-Edit: omit "up"

Second part:

It was rather fruitless to pursue answers from entities that were so obviously narrow-minded.

-Edit: would omit "that were"

They only told him stories that did no matter to him...

-Edit: "no" should be "not"

Loved the last few sentences regarding the story telling. I liked how you emphasized the monotony of it all and I also liked how you ended on that statement about not even caring to lose his senses. Brings to light the intensity of his determination.

Third part:

...and were half-hidden by the dead leaves upon the ground whispered and murmured,

-Edit: I would just end on a period here, otherwise you have to bump the dialogue into this paragraph, but I feel it becomes bolder and more direct in it's own line like you have it. So yeah. Period suggestion :)

You definitley caught a lethargic tone here that I found frightening. The whole idea of these glass birds is just so cool and unique, and the fact that he feels as though he's turning into them captures a fairy-tale like atmosphere that you've had going for awhile. It actually reminds me of this scene in the anime show Wolf's Rain, when the wolves get caught up in this forest with no sunlight or water or food, and then they're following around this creepy ghost owl. It's disorienting, to say the least. I hope he finds a way out.

Fourth part:

Ah, good, he's remembered. It think the highlight of this part was wolf's dialogue. It was great. The part with eating glass birds was so poetic. I just love the little things that you do in this story to get that eerie fairy-tale flavor. And The last paragraph starting with "The stars never seemed..." had a wonderful simile and metaphor playing there.
Tawny Owl chapter 4 . 5/31/2010
I loved the image of the glass birds in the trees. They were so pleasantly crazy. And the way the wolf is drawn into the forest and starts behaving more how you’d traditionally think of a wolf to act. I can’t help wanting to know more of what he looks like. I have an image in my head of something that’s half way in between a man and a wolf.

There seemed a bit of a gap when he fell down too. I liked the thought of fleeing from his brother’s past but it felt like there should have been more sensation when he hit the ground.

The telling of the story within the story was good too – it sort of sets up a box structure, like we’re going further in. Does that make sense?

I'll try and return the next one soon...
lookingwest chapter 5 . 5/25/2010
Like usual you start with fantastic vivid imagery. I absolutely loved your second paragraph and the description of the trees like "tarnished brass"-what wonderful word choice! I also loved how you were able to really carry that as a theme in this chapter and bring it up again and again with themes of "tarnish" and "rust", it gave more depth to characters and managed to make some great metaphorical ideas develop.

From you third to last paragraph the polishing of this chapter comes through. It's just so rich with language and ideas, and I felt the emotion of our narrator hit hard. His imagination wandering from mention of things like the "Great Easy" proved to create an undertone of exoticism in juxtaposition with the princess bride. And the last sentences with the simile "tears like beads of rain" was poetic too. Loved this!
lookingwest chapter 4 . 4/1/2010
I like the way that you characterize the birds and the way that they talk because I think it captures a certain discourse that really caught my attention and seemed very relevant. I'm sure you're tired of hearing it but I must say this is very mystical and fairy-tale-like and I love that. I also like the metanarrative aspect of a story being within a story, so there's this strange double meaning when you've got a story-teller also being the main point of view too. Overall, per usual, great grammar/spelling, I found nothing to CC really, haha.
Tawny Owl chapter 3 . 3/7/2010
I like the way you describe her as second mother and second wife, and the way that you sometimes round of your paragraphs with concluding statements like ‘she had tried to replace his mother’ and ‘she was too full of false emotion’ it reveals a lot about the second mother and how the wolf feels about, and why.

There were some evocative images in here as well, like the light on her face contrasted with the wolf burrowing into the corner.
Tawny Owl chapter 2 . 3/7/2010
This really does read like a fairy story, which may be because of the absence of dialogue. I didn’t really miss it because I got really caught up in the images you created (the details of the bells and the description of the peach). I loved how you revealed so much by showing not telling. On the other hand I was glad it was a short chapter because I think it there was too much it would have been easy to get stuck in it.

I didn’t think it was uncomfortably fast paced either. You got through a lot of history but it never felt like an information dump, or that you glossed over things. You just picked out the bits that were important, and made us realise why they were important.

There is an interesting relationship between him and his brother too. And I liked the way you sort of allowed us to see it from both sides.

I am curious to hear the characters speak and to see how it will change the style of the writing.
Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 3/6/2010
Firstly I loved the title because it reminded me of the fairytal donkey skin (but with wolves which are always much more interesting -right?)

The true love and transvestites got me as well becasue the title implied disguise and choosing what you show to people of yourself as well. Or maybe I'm thinking too much? Anyway...

I loved the simplicity of the opening sentance. In contrast the next one felt a bit over burdened. Like it contained too many ideas. And what's a land hesper? I've never heard of that before. Oh, is it the name of the land? I think I get it.

Actuality what I said before comes over in the wolf being on to legs and chosing to cover themselves with fur. You're giving us a fairy interesting fairy tale image there, and not quite telling us everything, which is good. It really does feel like I'm going to have to truly suspend my disbelief and not expect everything to make logical sense. I like that.

And you present us with a very fractured wolf indeed. But despite the unpleasantness of his actions and the things you say he's done there's still an attraction in him. Probably becasue of the style you've chosen. Sort of matter of fact, altough that doesn't quite do it justice. Or maybe it was the what he did love he would have died for a hundred times over that gives him a softer edge.

I liked the references to red as well, it was a different twist, as well as the idea that he would become sick of it. The way yu describbed it was really evocative.

And the future seems to hang over this prologue in ways that hint at things to come, and things that aren't going to be pleasant.I think ominous is the word I want.

Really different and intriguing piece. I'll be back for more.
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