Reviews for Slumber
Nemoranth chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
I love how this poem comes full circle at the end, with the repetition of the eyelid imagery. There's a lot of restlessness here; it's a marvel that sleep could ever come at all.

"I don't care, for how can something so empty and gone care?"

There's also the frustration of not being heard. Attempts have been made, but ignored. So sometimes it seems more prudent not to try. I can really empathize with this peace. A good work, indeed.
steffxnie chapter 1 . 12/11/2009
It's a wonderful poem.

'Turn over

In your sleep

And find inspiration

In the throbbing blue

Lights

Behind your

Eyelids, so dark

And unfamiliar,

So—

Safe.'

I like how you started it. The first line is quite nice. And I like the expressions used. You can improve some phrases though.

I think it's just me, but I don't like the form. The use of enjambment breaks down the phrases too frequently. It's good for effect, but it makes it hard to read. I suggest you put the lines together.(I've just passed by your profile, and I'm not sure what you mean by the line spacing. Is that what you mean? ;o Just in case, you have to press shift while pressing enter. I didn't know that at first. )

Refering to your question, I normally like poems to be centered but sometimes have them on one side is better for effect. ;)

I like how you end it too. It's good technique. :D This is lovely. I hope you don't mind this overanalyzing review. Keep writing!