|Reviews for Silence|
| Poisoned Twinkles chapter 1 . 3/11/2010
I love the mystery and silent angst of this piece. It was very fluidly written and I give you praise for that :D
However, this slightly bothered me: "But 'my eyes remain closed' to avoid the harsh stares of the eerie staring portraits
I trip over a table
I hear the shattering of glass and I 'tentatively close my eyes'..."
His/her eyes were already closed, weren't they? '
Still, I love your work. ;))
| superspamdefender chapter 1 . 12/11/2009
I liked the first four lines, but not much else. There are so many confusing lines in this poem, some of which are the results of easily-caught typos (the rhythm grows frantic driving my mad, the red of my shirt become blood).
There's also a lot of repetition. I don't know if it was intentional. Sometimes, it works, and sometimes, I don't like it. I like how you begin three sentences with different body parts, but not how you repeat the word "beats", the phrase "close my eyes", and use the word "glass" in three consecutive lines.
Additionally, some of the ideas don't make sense to me:
If the pictures are of "happier times", how come they're later described as "eerie"? Are they not the same pictures, maybe? It isn't clear.
The narrator closes her eyes two lines after you already wrote "my eyes remain closed". The narrator never opened her eyes in between, so why would she close them again?
Basically, I think you should take some time to read over what you write. This poem would've been a lot better if you had.
I hope that helps.