|Reviews for Confession No 1: I AM NOT THE CHANGE|
| Goblin Coffee Shop chapter 1 . 2/1/2010
"I waste paper and talent indiscriminately"
That is, in my opinion, the greatest line in this piece.. and as such, the most ironic and contradictory, haha.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 1/20/2010
You did a great job with the flow. I had the image of a person tilting her head back and forth and back and forth as she told this poem. It was like they were on a couch talking to no one around them in particular. Nobody is really sure who's listening, but everyone in the room believes that someone else is. I got a lot out of the tone in this poem. I can't tell if it was intentional or not, but regardless, it was really good.
That was the word flow. The pace of the poem wasn't quite perfect, but it didn't hinder the reader at all, so there was nothing wrong with it.
The words were just right for this style. This person (you, I assume) lacks inspiration, so grandiose words would be out of place. Just right. You used action verbs all the time, so it kept your readers interested.
My favorite part was the end though. I got more out of the last two lines than I got out of the rest of the poem put together. That was just... Wow. Great ending. Can't stress that enough. That just made my day! That was so powerful! :D
| fallingquietly chapter 1 . 12/15/2009
I like the last two lines, the repetition of the concept of kissing, flipped over to say something different with the same structure of words. ie I like the wordplay.
The middle doesn't grab me the way the beginning and the end do.
It feels clunky flow-wise.
In the beginning I actually love the way the writer is many different roles, as we wear many different masks and see ourselves many different ways. It's very revealing if you think into it, and I like that. A poem should be easy to read, but challenging to think about.
'I waste paper and talent indiscriminately' feels a bit on the nose, it's a good line, but it sounds whiney when it could be written in a more specific way. It feels a bit less than an original thought.
It felt like the writer is feeling sorry for themself, and I like that. Because very few of this kind of poem are done well. So it's a bold choice and it almost pulls it off. A little more work and I think this could be a very interesting piece.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 12/15/2009
I love the "I ignore both stop signs" line-that was great! This reminds me of a Bulkowsi poem about writing, and I like how you don't discriminate between any walks of life, with comparing a writer to a nurse, that's very clever. Also love the "I am a work-in-progress" I can totally relate to that, and the images you create by just mentioning the most random things but bringing it together emits really talent. Fun poem.
| i think that maybe chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
fight club reference- i'd be in love with this piece on that fact alone. add in i can nod along to all these facts- and mhmm, i digg this
(couldn't submit the review without it being said that stopsign/suffering line was handsdown brilliant)
| howdylv08 chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
I think this conveys some really stron emotion. Wheather or not it is self-examination is not for me to say, but it was surely interesting. The way you used "writer, artist, nurse, star" was very smart. I liked it a lot. Good job.