Reviews for This is Las Vegas
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]

My favorite part of this poem was the slant rhyme you used in the first half of the poem. Slant rhyme goes with a slanted city. That was excellent use of style to say something else.

I didn't really feel like this poem hit me anywhere, though. I liked it, your images were decent, and everything else was pretty solid, but... I supposed that the speaker in this poem was either not well-characterized enough or the poem itself was a little unclear. That hurt my enjoyment a little bit.

Good poem!

-twb
lipleaf chapter 1 . 3/20/2010
[Tone]- I love the sort of laid-back, almost sarcastic tone of this poem. It's so fitting of teenagers and very realistic. The way it starts out with childish awe and transforms into SNAFU just like that was great. The speaker's obviously downplaying of the situation was enjoyable as well.

[Descriptions]- Some of the images you had here were great. I particularly liked the lines

"Look at the sky

And its downpour of stars

Sprinkling the buildings with ungodly light."

The picture it painted was very vivid. I could see a shower of shooting stars falling from the sky like water and crashing down into unsuspecting buildings.

[Form]- The spacing of the lines is rather odd. The first section is spaced apart while the last is not, which feels sort of strange while you're reading the poem. I think you should make the first part single-spaced as well, as it'd be more aesthetically appealing.

[Flow]- This poem flowed very well. The lines connected with each other and had a stream-of-conscience feel to it that I liked. The way the speaker was sort of talking to the reader the entire time was nice.
Anise Cary chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
I like the way this poem starts off. I enjoyed the almost wide-eyed innocence it starts with, taking in all the amazing sights.

I didn't really care for the quick jump to the drunken wedding. I would have liked to see a bit more of the actual drinking, or perhaps a bit of the events leading to it.

I did giggle though at the narrator realizing she is now in a wedding chapel about to get married.
deefective chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
I really like the subtle jaunty flow to this. It added an air to the piece that didn't make it sound all preachy or cliché, as subjects like this can often sound. The overall writing was well done as well, though I think you could've cleaned up the formatting of this piece a bit. The only line that bothered me was:

"Sprinkling the buildings with ungodly light."

The word "ungodly" in that sentence didn't sit right with me. I think you could've replaced that with something else because it messed with the rhythm and for some reason, it didn't seem to flow with the rest of the word choice. Other than that, nicely done.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
Oh my, what a wonderful poem! I think is is great! I love the humor in it and I love the conversational tone. Also, I love the formatting and how you used FP's restrictions to your advantage. Great poem, very new and fresh and inventive within the free verse form, plus, great subject manner. I really have nothing bad to say about this, it's just really cool, haha. I love the ending the best, with the "Hey, don't call the officer"-seriously, very clever and inventive!
howdylv08 chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
Finally! A good one about Vegas! Although "Look at the sky And its downpour of stars" - You never see stars in Vegas because the sky is so dang bright from the Strip. I like it. I think it embodies the reasoning of visiting very well.

Sophie :3