|Reviews for Bite|
| Elena K chapter 1 . 9/3/2013
I sincerely admire your writing style. It is fun and detailed and fits the narration perfectly. Speaking of narration, I usually suck at writing first person, so I have this whole idea in my head that whoever masters it (like you), it sort of equals sophistication. Your narration, unlike many others, entertains, creates a depth for your characters and is seriously funny. So, yes, you have done a good job in this regard too.
Your protagonist is an interesting and unique person that has the potential to both amuse and entertain in many ways. I hope you'll develop the character well enough.
But! As much as I find your manner of writing amusing and easy-to-read, I found it to be a little exaggerated here and there. For example, at the very beginning, when you count the reasons as to why that guy is unreliable, it gets a little overdone towards the end. You could have cut the reasons down to, let's say, three, and the joke afterwards would still be funny. Be careful not to dwell on something for too long orelse the reader might lose interest in what you've written.
Overall, I see this story has a lot of promise, so I will stick around and see what happens next.
Keep up the lovely work.
| one who turns chapter 13 . 7/28/2013
Gah! I need to know what happens next! Please? This hasn't been updated in so long, I don't really have much hope that it will, but it's just too damn good! Please? Pretty please%Pr
| one who turns chapter 9 . 7/28/2013
I have to say, this is a really really good story. I know I have a bunch left to read, but this is - like - really good. I could see this being a film, or a video game (to be honest, it reminds me of a few video games out there, but it has more character development). It's pretty amazing. And bad-ass, too. Pr
| Ditto123 chapter 6 . 6/25/2013
I felt like I was in the desert while reading this. It's pretty descriptive, and I LOVE stories with details! I can pretty much relate to how the gang are feeling (It gets pretty hot here in Cali, it's practically a desert - sort of).
| Ditto123 chapter 4 . 6/25/2013
Lmao, this is a great chapter! And the previous chapter had to be one of the best fight scenes I've read in a while. Not only does it seem realistic, but it also made me laugh and grin :)
| Ditto123 chapter 2 . 6/24/2013
Omg this is really good! I'm glad I found this story :)
| Viera Wing chapter 13 . 12/29/2012
I went back to the previous chapter to refresh my memory, and to my surprise, I actually read everything word for word, instead of skimming through. I guess that's one sign of stories that get and keep my interest, haha.
Anyway, I like how you somehow managed to get so much in in just two chapters, and it doesn't feel rushed. They were still written very well in my opinion, with enough humour and apt description fitting someone like Kid. And um, since my reviews are mostly to let the author know they have an interested reader (I never really know what to say) I'll just end it here. Good work.
| this wild abyss chapter 5 . 8/10/2012
As always, I love how you manage to keep this story's pace going along at just the right speed. The action in this chapter was perfectly put, and I never once felt like I was being rushed. I'm impressed with how almost every chapter so far has been really action-intensive, but I never once feel like you're overdoing it or that there's too much of a good thing. A lot of times this much fighting would get old really fast, but it hasn't happened for me yet.
I also really like how this particular fight scene serves a particular purpose, as towards the end it's obvious that the rest of the sharks are starting to view Kid as one of them, or at least Dolly was, when she pointed out her injury. It was a very subtly done shift in their perception of Kid, and I really liked that. It also seems plausible, too, based on what the reader knows of the sharks.
This scene also revealed a bit more about the sharks themselves, what with Pretty Boy running away and Tank "always" get knocked out when things start to get good. It adds to the slight comic relief that you weave into your style every now and then.
To be completely honest, if I'm reading a book and I come across a fight scene, I'm probably going to skip it and just go to the end to see who won. Yet there's something about the style of your prose that keeps me interested in your actions scenes, and I never have that desire to just skip to the end. Your characters' movements are always clear in relation to one another, and because you don't bog down the reader with unnecessary description, I never feel like I'm wading through a swamp to get to the point of your prose.
Anyway, yep, I really liked this chapter (I've liked all of them so far), and I'm looking forward to see where you take this from here, as it could really go anywhere. And I have a feeling that whatever happens, it's going to be a lot more intense than waking up with a gun pressed to your forehead.
| crumblicker chapter 13 . 7/26/2012
Wow. This story is just amazing, its so good. While I'm able to appreciate how the main character isn't some saint that stands apart with high morals, it does make me a little freaked out with the cannibalism and stuff c: But really, awesome story. I can't wait for the updates. Oh, and for some reason, I really love Dolly. I wish her relationship with Kid (I want to know her real name!) became a little more developed/deep.
| DutchAver chapter 13 . 7/23/2012
I wonder if Kid's hatred of alcohol comes from a background story that we haven't heard of yet. Has she been hit when she was young, maybe? Then again, I really don't like to get drunk either(never been either, but still) and I have no bad history with alcohol, so maybe it's simply a personality trait. Still, it intrigues me.
Pretty Boy and Kid are really going to become an item, aren't they? It will take them a while to get there, but this chapter made it clear to me that Pretty Boy shares Kid's feelings, and he became drunk enough to show it.
I liked the slow pace of this chapter, since there's no action - but it shows us a bit more about how society keeps working despite the disaster that has happened. Well done.
Keep writing :)
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 13 . 7/21/2012
Damn. Pretty Boy is a bastard, isn't here? I don't put it past him to act like that, though, especially when he's drunk and sexually frustrated.
But backtracking to the beginning, I thought it was nice how you have Kid be so innocent. I thought that little mention about how her cheeks went red when they were talking about prostitutes was kinda cute, haha. And it really shows a lot about how she might think about the situation. I think it might be a mix of disgust and jealousy, especially when Pretty Boy's the one who was talking about it and she seems to have a crush on him.
And Kid getting drunk, haha. As soon as she kept drinking that booze I had a feeling something bad was going to happen to her. That part where everyone got pissed at Pretty Boy for cheating and she ended up laughing was priceless. It sounds like something I'd totally do.
I'm really glad Dolly ended up stopping Pretty Boy before he kept going and really hurt Kid. And Pretty Boy is damn lucky it wasn't Tank who caught him, because I have a feeling Tank would've ripped his scrawny ass in two. xD
I think this adds some interesting tension to the group. I know Pretty Boy has always kinda been an outcast and Wolf seems to almost hate him, but this just adds to his slimy character. I wonder if Kid is going to tell the others what happened... Kid doesn't seem like the type to enjoy drama, so I really don't know what she'd do about it.
And I wonder if this means Pretty Boy might try to put the moves on her again when she's sober and actually wants to have sex.
Can't wait for another update!
| dragonflydreamer chapter 13 . 7/21/2012
I went to review this chapter and I, being mildly paranoid as I am, go to read other reviews before commenting on Pretty Boy's actions. Lo and behold, lookingwest is doing the same thing, haha. Hi there, Potter!
[No women you have to pay for. We need the credit for big-ass explosives.] You know I love Wolf's one-liners. Just gonna leave that there.
[Tank, I can't help but notice, looks similarly disappointed.] I love that you drag Tank into this. Tank has kind of seemed like the safe one to Kid so far, so it's nice that you don't let us forget that he's a guy (and a vagrant-cannibal-thief at that).
[Smells just like my papa used to] Whoa, first reference to her past! I wonder if this alcoholism is significant or just a passing comment. If it's the former, "drunkenness almost never leads to anything good" is an interesting comment by Kid.
Nice description when she drinks for the first time. I was just reading this book where the MC drinks equally cheep-as-shit whiskey and the description is like "it tasted bad but then I felt this warm feeling in my tummy." Cute, but no.
[I've always considered myself lucky to not be pretty] I like this quality to her character.
[And it's nice to see how everyone from different paths can get along in a place like this.] Hm, on first read, this line felt a little corny. The idea makes sense, but I think it's the "it's nice" part that seems to cheezy to come out of Kid's mouth.
All right. So. Potter pretty much summed up my thoughts about the Pretty Boy scene: it's consistent with his character. While I'm rooting for him and Kid all the way, he's a real sleazy character and there's no waltzing around it. He's drunk and was told he can't buy any prostitutes-I felt this scene coming on as soon as Wolf said that. Actually, I'm surprised that this is the first time he's acknowledged that Kid is, well, a woman. He mentioned that he's noticed her attraction to him because it's been far from subtle. Does he have absolutely no feelings for her? Is she too young to be considered a sexual object unless he's this drunk? All this leads me to believe that it's going to take *a lot* to build an actual romance out of this (which, yes, despite the screaming feminist deep within me, I'm still hoping for).
Anyway, all that aside: aww, drunk Kid! She's adorable. I love the way she breaks up the fight during the card came. It's following the quality I've mentioned before about this story, that it breaks dramatic expectation a lot. I also like that at the end, she's not shell shocked or anything because she's too dumb and tired to really care about anything but the bed. I have a feeling that there will be more aftermath in the next chapter, but then again, Kid's taken a lot of crap so far and not much has shaken her.
And the end! Dolly! With something akin to emotions? That scene was really touching. Of everyone in this gang, it seems that Dolly and Pretty Boy have known each other the longest. Not only is Dolly very oddly protective of Kid, but she must know a lot about Pretty Boy's history, which makes her actions very telling. I'm still wondering why she has this attachment to Kid-maybe something in her reminds her of herself? Maybe she's fed up with watching all the new members dying off? Something interesting to be further developed.
| lookingwest chapter 13 . 7/21/2012
from the Roadhouse
Great introduction scene here in this chapter. I was kind of afraid this story might go into a "alcohol is bad, don't drink it because not even Kid will" kind of mode, so I was really relieved to see Kid drink. I know that sounds kind of terrible, especially given that the alcohol in question is really gross, but I think it's too unrealistic if Kid *didn't* drink. So it fits in so perfectly with how this group influences all of her bad decisions. I mean, it's not necessarily good, but then I like how you mention eating humans - this is far less worse, xD. So yes, very happy with how this scene turned out given the subject and the character relationships with Tank and Wolf, etc. It was realistic for Kid's character and I wouldn't've wanted it any other way.
On the same note as the drinking, I again, like how Kid doesn't judge anyone in the scene following the opening. She has a good eye for her surroundings but nothing is biased, and that really makes for a great main protagonist character in my opinion. I have yet to find anything I don't like about Kid's character. She's got a good head on her shoulders and I feel given the setting that's a really hard thing to come by, so it makes her really unique. She's got a bit of modesty too, as I mentioned in the earlier chapter, I'm not 100% what Kid actually looks like, save for a boy, so I can't comment completely on if she's being honest about her ugliness or just being modest about it (she is still a young gril after all, and I wonder what she'll be like when she's say, Dolly's age). She has a lot of growing up to do, but I think that's the glory of Bite - it's a good coming of age story. I hope that Kid doesn't lose her innocence along the way, it's refreshing among all the other characters you've created.
...and he stumbles backwards and falls to the ground. [Floor]
Annnnd the third scene! Augh, way to make a reader guilty about liking Pretty Boy, xD. I change my mind, glad to say, after that little episode in the last part I reject him as my favorite. I'd say Dolly and Wolf are neck in neck for fav now! Pretty Boy just got put on my shit list. But, all things considered, it was consistent with his characterization, so it wasn't like I was totally surprised when he started coming onto Kid. But, unfortunately, he picked the wrong girl, haha. I think you captured the awkwardness on Kid's part really well. I've been in a situation before where a guy started kissing/making out with me and I wasn't sure I wanted to - so her confusion and the fact she just let him keep going was realistic from my point of view - I thought it was really relatable. I'm so glad Dolly showed up, but I'm not sure if Pretty Boy would've raped her or just hurt her by hitting, etc. Either way would've been god awful, but I think it shows a more sinister side to him. Before this, to me, he had more of a vain/comic relief/cowardly air about him. But after this, I dont' think any of the readers will think of him the same way. I look forward to actually peeking at the reviews you get for this chapter, just to see what everyone else's opinion on the matter is.
Great ending, like I mentioned - glad that it was Dolly that showed up and not Tank. So far, Tank and Dolly have proved themselves as characters who, deep down, are good/decent people. I have yet to see that completely displayed in Wolf, and I feel it's far from Pretty Boy. If he is good, he'll have a lot of chapters in my opinion, to prove it and gain my likability again, xD.
And huzzah! I'm all caught up again! Great feeling :3 Now I can truly say, I can't wait for more!
| lookingwest chapter 12 . 7/21/2012
from the Roadhouse
She looks far natural than I do... [far "more" natural, I think]
This chapter and the next chapter were two that I read straight through without wanting to stop, so I think that says something wonderful about this story. But then I'm always giving Bite wonderful compliments because it is wonderful ;D. Anyways! I was really wondering how this whole thing was going to get pulled off with the Queen, setting-wise, I mean, and I think you did a great job describing all the trucks in the opening and also conveying the explanation of the "crossroads" through Wolf's dialogue, which is always a good device to get information conveyed without being all tell-like in the narration. Having Kid as a narrator also works wonders in an advantage for this setting, because she's never been there and it allows the reader to see everything new through her eyes as the chapter progresses.
Like I said, enjoyed the opening with the trucks, that all made sense too, and I really really thought you handled the description of the "manor" where the Queen lives well too. I liked the concept of the old world mixed with the new world, and I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll say it now because it's becoming clearer and clearer to me, this setting really reminds me of Mad Max! The Queen kind of makes me think of Beyond the Thunderdome, hahaha, even though that's the worst Mad Max (imo), lol. Road Warrior all the way! But that's kind of what I think of when I think of the trucks and everything, really souped together motors and stuff. So yeah, great descriptions.
Was loling all through Pretty Boy's dialogues with the Queen and those reactions from him. It's so fitting that he has to be the one to sweet-talk her too, and I like how he has to toe the fine line there with keeping her pleased. He really does have a unique relationship with this group to *want* to please her in the first place and doing it on Wolf's orders. I kind of was going to feel bad for him if he actually had to go off with her and woo her with sex or something, xD. But luckily that didn't happen...yet, haha. The Queen as a character caught me off guard, I think by her age. I don't know why, I just thought she would be younger, so I enjoyed how you played with my expectations. There can't be that many older women/men in this setting either, given all the things that've happened. At any rate, I feel the group was finally back on their feet. They'll probably get kicked down again but ah well, we've got to treasure our precious moments! haha.
The whole conversation and plot progression came across at perfect timing too, btw. I was wondering what the group might do now that they've so quickly reached their first goal, but this further plot point about the radio tower really gave this story some needed direction as far as a bigger plot arc. It was well placed and I also think it's realistic too. It's hard I think, to get characters like this motivated to do anything so grand, but their motivations, especially Wolf's, seem pliable.
Oh yeah! And of course, Dolly's background - great reveal there too. And I love scrubbed clean Kid! So funny. I'd even enjoy a little more description as far as hair/eye color every once in awhile too. That's hard to get in first person so anywhere you can sprinkle it in would be great to remind everyone on features too.
Overall another great chapter! Let's see if I can finally get caught up with this story review-wise today!
| Whirlymerle chapter 9 . 7/17/2012
[I just look scary and kill people, I don't make plans] Ahaha, I find Tank so adorable despite all that.
I love how Kid brings up "girl problems" to the guard. I thought it was awesome how, while she's probably more flustered/nervous than embarrassed while chatting the guard up, the description of her stuttering and redness perfectly fit the girl haz period appearance. Anyway, haha, mentions about the period excuse tickles me every time because it works so well and guys get so embarrassed that even if try to be tough and all, they can't.
I love the image of Tank cracking skulls with his crowbar and Kid utterly failing at the whole attack thing.
Aw, I had so much hope, especially with this chapter being called "The Rescue" and all, that Kid and Tank would be able to rescue the others. :( Though, admittedly, it was kinda funny that they broke into the mayor's office. You're humor is excellent as always.
[Chaining them in cages somehow seems crueler to me.] This observation on Kid's part got me thinking. I guess this makes Wolf and co the standouts since they're actually getting executed. Either that or it's really easy to get thrown in jail—which isn't surprising given the guard and all their security measures. Also, I remember (I think. Gah, it's been a long time) Kid's all about being free with the people she loves even if it means a more dangerous, shorter life. I was surprised that while she's obviously sad and defeated, she's not the crazy raving maniac Pretty Boy is, which I think goes along how she mentions she's desensitized to everything, even death—which I guess isn't a completely bad alternative to rotting in a dirty hole.
Speaking of Pretty Boy, I feel like he always getting special mention by your characters. I wonder if that means he'll be especially significant later on.
Anyway, awesome chapter. This is a 1 am review so I probably sound weird. Can't wait to see what happens next!