|Reviews for Come On, Now|
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
I love this. The format, word choice, rhythm, all fit wonderfully. So expressive and musical. You've captured ideas that I have been trying for ages to pin down into poetry and never been able to, and you did it with style. I would pick a favorite line, but they are all lovely and meaningful and the way they stand together is really what makes the poem. You've got a beautiful, unique voice.
Never stop writing.
(ps i am sorry for the lateness of returning your review. school has been crazy.)
| A Rose in Weeds chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
The imagery used in this piece is amazing. It really jumps at this reader, as if anything she were dancing for me. Also the way you captured her life in the line, and trying to dance in tune to the sweet music that is what she could’ve been, just thrilled me. A 9 1/2. Keep writing.
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 1/22/2010
I liked your use of internal rhyming with "there" and "air". It almost gave the poem a music-like feel, which fits well with its subject. I suggest you unbold "beautiful" in the last line. It ruins the mood. This poem has a rather soft, serene feel to it, like something with gentle edges. Bolding the word jars the flow and throws the piece off.
Other than that, a decent piece.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I loved the last line. It really tied it all together. :)
I also like the theme and the words you used to describe it. It was creative and got the metaphor across nicely.
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| Desy.Rae chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
This is pretty :)
| Wynter WolfSong chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
Very nicely done. Left me smiling. :D and definately reminds me of the song Don't Trust Me, for some reason...
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I loved the imagery in the opening lines. They way you manage to fuse something ordinary and some-what repulsive (cigarette ashes) with something beautiful (her hair) was a nice touch.
It was pure joy to read how you described her beauty. It wasn't something superficial (like just her eyes or hair) but it was something deeper and let me connect with her on a deeper level. You breathed life into this person and it made me feel like I could truly know her.
The personification was a plus to, "the laughter of the wind" was an original image.
I would only suggest unbold the word "beautiful" it makes it seem like you're trying too hard.
Other than that this was a beautiful piece. Keep on writing.
| Isca chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
"She’s got hair the color of cigarette ashes." I like this opening line; immediately this woman appears to be gritty, yet wise.
"So instead, it's just stuck there, in the limbo of infinity." Wow. 'It's just stuck there' is a very profound line - it's almost as if the speaker can hear the music pause in the air.
"She's beautiful, you know." A lovely ending. :)
| Raspberry Ice-T chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
Wow! The figurative language in this poem is great! Great job on that. The fourth line, however, does make it feel like a bit too much, like you're trying too hard to draw connections. I'd say just clean that up a bit, since it feels sort of redundant. The fifth line is great, though. I really like "the day after eternity." Very creative.
| letyoursoultakeflight chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I like the contrasts in this :)
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
There were some great images here, and I could relate a lot to this poem.
I didn't like the way you did the ryhming. In places it was excellent but in others it was disjointed, and the lines didn't seem to work.
| guitarrocker chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
I absoloutly love your word choice! Will you write more for it? Please? That is the effect this little snippet has on it's readers, and it is amazin!