Reviews for Cinnamon
Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
The moment I read the summary, I have fallen in love with this short story.

I enjoy the narration and the description a lot. It is well written and the grammar and all is lovely to the eyes. _

I find the nickname, Miss Thumble-Stumble, really cute and whoever who named her (referring to the characters in the short story) is a genius! _

"There’s an awkward grace in her movements and I can hear the silent passion in her voice as she speaks to a room that could care less. I’m the only one with my eyes on her but I’m also not truly listening to what she’s saying. I can read about it in the textbook later. I just like to hear the sound of her voice. Her gaze lands on me and our eyes lock."

(This few lines had made me go aww. Really sweet!)

The last line just completes the short story so beautifully.

Kalista Jia
iamsupercerial chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
just the way you described her was moving. Your writing is clean and simple, and you manage to weave so much emotion into it. I really enjoyed this :)
Skyward Ending chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
This is poetry in prose form.

There is a tone to this piece that appeals to a cloudy afternoon or evening. The way the last line rhymed was adorable and reminds me of children's poems and a slam poem I heard once. I don't get why the title is called "cinnamon" though.
Shirin Madavey chapter 1 . 12/20/2009
[They’re blue, her eyes.

The kind laced with a tint of grey and with that soft look about them. Like a crisp, yet foggy morning.

The kind of morning where you can’t see the sun shining behind all the lazy smog and clouds but you can feel its rays on your skin, tickling your soul in only the most polite of ways.]

I like your description of her eyes. Usually when I see characters taking about their love-interest's eyes, I usually roll my eyes and think 'why does it always have to be the eyes?' but I like the metaphor you used here. It added a very dreamy feel to your story.

I've always been a fan of your work, and this piece is no different. I like how you add lots of repetition and imagery, getting your prose an almost poetic feel. It's very enjoyable to read :)
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I liked the way you turned the clumsy-is-cute cliche into something enjoyable. It was very cute. :)

I also like your choice of descriptions. They fit the simple, romantic story well.

Coming to your from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on profile)
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
aw, i absolutely adore this piece!

i love the way you show Bo's feeling for Miss Thumble-Stumble. his emotions are evident and it's so, so sweet! i think the tone of this piece was wonderful due to this ]

the way you ended this could mean that you will make it longer at some point, but i personally hope you leave it as a one-shot. it's simple and sweet and powerful and you don't really need say more. i like short things that have power to them ]

awesome job!
MissGreySunshine chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I liked the subtle yet deep emotion in this piece. I also like the beginning and ending.

However, I'm not a fan of the numerous first words in the sentences being either "the" or "I", constantly.

I feel the beginning of sentences seem repetitive. But, it could just be my taste in writing. Or it could be my style(or lack there of).

-MGS-
Isca chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
"She’s always so oblivious to the things around her." I really liked this line. I'm usually very aware of my surroundings, so it's interesting to think of the speaker as my polar opposite.

"Miss Thumble-Stumble. I happen to think it's adorable" Aww, that's so cute.

"Like a crisp, yet foggy morning." Well, good Lord, her eyes sound BEAUTIFUL. :)

I like the ending where it mentions unrequited passion - it is indeed 'intense.'
mikey magee chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
I loved the descriptions in the story. They painted a lovely picture without being too explanatory.

They way you described Miss "Thumble-Stumble" was quite nice too. I loved how instead of telling you showed through reactions and flashbacks.

The only thing I would recommend you change is the formatting. It almost looked like a poem when I read it.

Other than that it was lovely. Nice work