|Reviews for a journey home|
| Pigfarts chapter 4 . 2/18/2012
I got a message saying you added me to alerts and just felt like reading this. I love it, but a bit of editing and it will be even better!
| rattysrule chapter 4 . 1/16/2011
This is awesome! I can't wait for your to write more!
| Spring Jasmine Flower chapter 4 . 12/29/2010
Wow. The story is just as I thought it would be, incredible! Update soon! Can't wait for the chapter!
| Axzelle Viper chapter 4 . 4/10/2010
Vin! More please. I can't get enough...
| Axzelle Viper chapter 2 . 4/10/2010
Amazing... but I'm not done reading all your four chaps yet..
Just wanted to let you know.
At one point you used Jay instead of Viv...
| nirenenels chapter 1 . 4/9/2010
Its ok, but you should cap your titles. It makes it more hyperboled. so thanks for letting me review. bye
| Epictastical chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
You're off to a good start!
Here's some friendly critism. The flow of your story isn't very good. However, you could improve it a lot by varying your sentence bginings. I noticed that a lot of yourory by the way. sentences started with "I" It makes the paragraphs seem rather choppy. Do what I do, try to make evy sentence in a paragraph start with a different begining. :) Thaanks for reviewing on my st
| Banana McFudgie chapter 4 . 1/1/2010
ahh...cliffy! CONTINUE! :)
| mrsringostarr chapter 1 . 12/31/2009
get story, when I wrote my first story it wasn't the best.
little tip: all throughtout your story you change tenses. For example in one bit you say "A girl was staring at me" thats fine but then near the end you write "She has brunette hair. the kind that looks really soft like cotton" that sentence could be written as "She had brown hair. The kind that that looks really soft, like cotton" otherwise, primo story
| Banana McFudgie chapter 3 . 12/31/2009
hiya vinie! when's the next chapiee? but why is adam rude to vivian..? doesn't he like her?
| BloomingFlower-asn chapter 3 . 12/25/2009
Ooh! CLIFFY! Nice choice. Poor guy. Finding that out must be a major blow in the heart. I hope he'll be ok. Can't wait to read the rest. Go Vivian! Hehe!
* asn *
| BloomingFlower-asn chapter 2 . 12/25/2009
Nice! And I love her name. Very sweet and nice. So she's the girl that was staring at him. Very interesting.
* asn *
| BloomingFlower-asn chapter 1 . 12/25/2009
Wow! This story is nice.
Very into the characters emotions.
* asn *
| thereaderandwriter chapter 3 . 12/25/2009
AWSOME THIS IS GETTING SO GOOD
| Banana McFudgie chapter 1 . 12/23/2009
Vinie Darling! Awesome story! :) I'm waiting for more!