|Reviews for Fragments|
| S. J. Komza chapter 1 . 12/22/2009
I think that you're really skilled at detailing objects and people and places, so on and so forth, and I would be very much interested to see where this goes. When I read, I like to paint a picture of the scene inside my head, and you really encouraged the process :)
Adelaide is a very colourful woman... she reminds me, in many ways, of one of Miyazaki's old lady characters (are you familiar with his movies?). They have the appearance of crippled old age, and yet possess the spirit of young girls. She's charming!
'Bright afternoon sunlight played across her face, illuminating it, catching in the highlights of her hair. The girl's eyes, peering out of a grimy mask of plastered sweat and dirt...' Really enjoyed this fragment. And this one:
'...as Iris watched her brother, he seemed to waver insubstantially, like an image on rippling water.' Very lovely imagery.
If you're perplexed as to plot development, then my best suggestion to you would be simply to write, and see what ideas come naturally. A writer's imagination is never inactive (at least, mine never is), and so this should be easy enough. My Writer's Craft teacher told my class at the beginning of our senior year (last year), that 10% of a writer's work is inspiration, and the other 90% is perspiration. He probably got that from someone else, but you understand what I mean, I hope.
Like I said before, you handle descriptions very well, and though conversation could go a little smoother (by this I mean to encourage you to make it seem more natural. A good way of doing this is to really understand your characters' psyche - as well as your own). I believe that you ought to expand this idea, and see what comes of it!
Well, now I think I've said enough for one review ;) Hope to see more of this.