Reviews for Tangerine
cow chapter 1 . 9/25/2010
Okay despite it's ambiguosity I decided to have a go at this!

I liked how there wasn't a pause throughout the entire thing, and it sort of grabbed a little girls innocence and shoved her face in reality.

Merry go rounds have this really fun and childish theme to it, yet it feels like as it spins it never ends, and we never wanted innocence/our childhood

to end! And while being on it, the "earth is blurred", this feels like everything didn't really make sense but it didn't have to, and the truth of

the world was all blurred up, and this merry go round of childhood serves as a barrier to the dark reality of the world.

I loved how you used "climbing trees", it felt so innocent and had this really childish element to it, but apples feel so dark when it's compared to what

happened in the Garden of Eden (;O). When she falls it feels like reality has pushed her back and she was so oblivious to the truth, she realises now but

she still wants to hold onto wishes? (shooting stars). The reference to the tangerine feels like even thouugh she knows it's going to be bad, she wants

the remaining good in it!

AIYAH

This is so hard to analyze, but I love how ambiguous it is! ;D
Princess-anna57 chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Oh this is great! "and little girls climb up not knowing

it's wrong to reach out to be free from truth" - I like this line very muchly. Well done overall. Keep writing!

~Anna~ _
scripted chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
Wow you have talent!

It's ambiguous and unclear - but so beautifully written. The metaphors and images just go together so perfectly you've created a stunning piece here! I've got a feeling that if I came back to this poem every day I'd find a new meaning which each reading - which is an /incredible/ feat for every writer.

Wonderful poem, amazing talent!

Please do keep writing!

-scripted
LeMaki chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
This is so beautiful. I'm not an expert in poetry so I can't really criticise, so I'll just say that I think it is wonderful!
Isca chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
"A little is enough." I found this ending very sorrowful and raw. A little love shouldn't be enough; this girl deserves more.

This piece was abstract, yet vivid. This was my favourite part of the poem: "Still holding onto shooting stars, still wanting to catch that tangerine which seems to twirl like merry-go-rounds." The combination of the celestial imagery and the tangerine metaphor is just fantastic. :)
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
I'm glad you agree that poems need to be read twice, at least, to be understood. It's too easy to miss something the first time through.

The good things about your poem are obvious. Several layers of meaning that you put in yourself (from personal experience, perhaps?) and also several layers that you leave to the reader to add. I got a lot out of it. This is one of the few idea-themes that I feel very strongly about but have not been able to get down on paper. Hats off to you. It's a great theme for a poem, especially in my eyes, because so much of (my) childhood memory is based off of little snapshots.

Your imagery was impressive. I'm not exactly sure what it all means, though I get the overall message. You communicate feelings very clearly, but your voice is very even and doesn't take sides. The flow of the poem takes care of that. It's quite intriguing.

I do have two small complaints about this piece. Somewhere around line six, your poem changes course, but it is really difficult to figure out where, especially since there are no periods until the end of the first stanza. So, complaint number one, it was a little hard follow at times. This complaint, coincidentally, leads into the next one.

Number two, there were no periods. In every single poem except perhaps those by e.e. cummings, I have not seen a poem that does not follow the rules of proper punctuation in the context of their poem, unless (as in the case of cummings) the change in punctuation is symbolic of something else. You may want to get rid of the spacing in your poem very quickly, and proofread it as though it were an average piece of prose. Fix the punctuation. I think it will help this poem a lot.

How was that?
Xerophyte chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
I really enjoyed this! I especially liked the subtle rhyming of "spin" and "innocence." It's not really a rhyme, yes, but the sound is very similar, which made the beginning flow very well. Other than that, I like the ambiguity of this poem. I felt that it made it more universal rather than just dealing with your specific instance.

Good work!
Mirabella chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
I like this. I like how you began with merry go rounds, and then at the end you mentioned them again. And the apple metaphor was well done too. :) Great lines, and i love it. :)
fleur de l'est chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
The tragedy of a dreamer. I loved the compilation & progression of your ideas. The enjambement makes the poem seems like 1 complete piece rather than lines on top of each other, and the ideas go round and round like merry-go-rounds.

The last 2 lines are abrupt & sudden which throws emphasis on them, and the half-rhyme even more so. I can relate to this so much!