|Reviews for The Wildest of Tales|
| Devil's Playground chapter 7 . 6/20/2010
I don't blame Joseph for not trusting Belle. She/He seems pretty sketchy, and that offer seems a bit too good to be true.
I liked the descriptions of Joseph learning tricks. You had enough detail that it was easy to picture it all happening, and understand, but it wasn't choked with detail to the point where it dragged on. It was very interesting and entertaining the whole way through. I'm excited to see how Sarah and Joseph do in their next real show!
It must be so frustrating for Joseph, being trapped in that body, especially since he's someone who seems to rely on his use of language for just about everything. I liked the detail of him considering writing about the experience.
Interesting conversation between Sarah and Joseph at the end, too. I would be pretty peeved about someone reading my journals, too, even if the intent was to help him!
| Devil's Playground chapter 6 . 6/20/2010
Ahh, the plot thickens! This is getting more and more interesting - I sense lots of twists and turns to come.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but your dialogue is really good. It flows well and never comes off stiff or awkward. And I like that some characters, like Tony, have distinct ways of speaking that set them apart.
I loved the descriptions of Joseph's writing and such. He's still kind of a mystery, so it was very interesting to get a look into his head. And Sarah reading his stuff is a very creative way of doing it, too.
"I hope he comes to understand it because I certainly had no idea what it meant when I made it up." - Pfft! XD I love Joseph. Very funny.
The story seems to be going in a bit of a new direction now. I'm curious about how the rehearsal will go!
| Devil's Playground chapter 5 . 6/20/2010
I really liked the descriptions of Belle's magic. It made me wonder just how much she can do, how powerful she really is; she seems to be able to use it for quite a wide variety of things.
Again, it's so interesting seeing the events from a different point of view! I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I love how you use perspective to your advantage throughout this.
I was feeling pretty nervous for Sarah and Joseph, but luckily they seem to be out of trouble for now... though Belle does seem very tricky, hard to know what she's really planning for them.
D'aw, Jim is so adorable! Even though he hasn't been a major character so far, I have to say I feel pretty fond of him.
I waited impatiently for Jim's babble [to] die
Aside from few-and-far-between typos like that, your story is really well edited. It makes it a very pleasant read, very professional, especially compared to so many error-ridden stories on here! Just another thing I really like about this story.
| Devil's Playground chapter 4 . 6/20/2010
I loved this chapter - probably the best yet, in my opinion. There was lots of action going on, and you handled it very well.
You did a great job describing the new sensations Joseph was experiencing as a tiger. The details about sounds and smells really made it more believable, and helped draw me into the story.
Hmm, I wonder if the other animals in the show were human once, as well...?
The scene with poor Joseph running was very well done. The pacing was excellent, and it really had me on edge. I was so worried that he would get shot! I was hoping that he could find the mirrors, but of course, Belle wouldn't let him get off so easily.
And the scene with him and Sarah was great, too! I could vividly picture the whole thing. Lucky they're both good at improvising, heh. Finally, some good luck for Joseph!
Also, I have to say that I love how original this story is. I've never read something even remotely similar to it before, and I constantly find myself surprised by the new twists and turns in the storyline. It makes it a very exciting read!
| Devil's Playground chapter 3 . 6/20/2010
I didn't expect to read a chapter from Belle's point of view - a pleasant surprise. Reading from her perspective put a really interesting twist on things.
I think the first person narration works very well for you here. Not only does it allow you to easily characterize the narrators, but you manage to slip in a lot of background information without it seeming forced in. I look forward to learning more about Belle/Catherine's past; it certainly seems intriguing!
I didn't expect Tony to know about Belle being a witch, either. That certainly makes things interesting... by the way, I don't think I mentioned it last chapter, but Tony is a really interesting character. I love how he acts like the typical over-the-top circus guy, but it seems that there's much more to him beneath the surface. The random Italian in his dialogue is a great touch, too.
D'aw, Jim. He really does seem like a puppy or something, taking orders without question, eager to please. It's endearing. Although I guess he has to lay low and stay on Belle's good side, in order to keep Sarah hidden away...
I love the last lines, they have me all excited for the next chapter!
| Devil's Playground chapter 2 . 6/20/2010
Ooh, a point of view switch! I love stories that rotate between different narrators, it allows you to offer a more complete idea of what's happening. It was interesting reading about the events of the previous chapter from a different viewpoint.
Sarah seems like a very interesting character, too. I love the contrast between her and Joseph; he's an expert liar, while she fumbles for excuses.
I really liked the scene between Sarah and tiger-Joseph; the interactions between the two, especially his limited forms of communication, were interesting. The poor guy! D: I wonder how the hell Sarah's going to manage to get him out of this mess...
I'm intrigued, and reading on right away. :)
| Kackex chapter 6 . 6/19/2010
- Hm… It’s been a month or two since I read this, and frankly I think I got most of it down, but let me see and try this out. This time I’m out of the hospital and flirting with pretty girls, so yay for not dying!
…but if we stayed at least we had a chance of clearing up this mess…
- Shouldn’t it be ‘we had a chance of cleaning up this mess…’ instead, or is it just your choice of diction?
- In this chapter I got a real feel for the character Sarah. She has a curious, spunky, calm demeanor that just radiates above and beyond. She though can be naïve and stubborn, making her a three dimensional, round character. 5 reputation!
What started as a search to see the boy-turned-tiger ended as an attempt to watch the circus from the performer's entrance tunnel, and then that turned into an impromptu performance, and then that turned out to be a full-time performance contract.
- Wow, that is a very long run on sentence. Though it is beautifully done, maybe this will work?
- EDIT: What started as a search to see the boy-turned-tiger ended as an attempt to watch the circus from the performer's entrance tunnel turned into an impromptu performance. That performance led to a full-time performance contract.
- The journal piece, or when you are describing the journal it’s very well done and I applaud you on that. It fleshes out Sarah and Joseph at the same time, giving all those juicy quirks and stuff.
- The dialogue with Jim was smooth, easy to read, and realistic. I couldn’t ask more from a secret conversation scene!
- Overall I am pleased to see that you are going to continue the story for all us lovely readers. The plot is moving and I can’t wait to see how rehearsal would go. You’re writing is a lot better than mine, except for that run on… Other than that I enjoyed this chapter and I can’t wait to read more. I feel bad this review is below four hundred words (its only 368 words) so please forgive my bad review.
Keep Writing, Would you kindly,
| Vernelley chapter 8 . 6/19/2010
This chapter had quite a bit of dialogue; particularly in the middle, I noticed. Although not a lot happened, I can tell it's still important and relevant to the storyline.
The thing about the elephant, that was quite interesting, I don't think elephants normally trample people.
I'm suspecting Belle had something to do with it now, especialy since that incident happened around the time the witch stole the real George Belle's identity. Odd coincidences indeed. I like the simile of the book with blank chapters.
I quite like Sarah's character; it's very much like her to take things into her own hands, from what I've read thus far.
Overall the chapter was quite well written and an interesting read.
| lookingwest chapter 11 . 6/17/2010
Well edited chapter, I didn't find any mistakes or even style issues from my perspective!
I'm glad that you decided to take this chapter from Sarah's perspective instead of perhaps, Joseph's. It was wise because we got to see the reaction from Jim with the spell he's under-I was wondering what was going to happen, so you handled that well. I felt just as disappointed as Sarah when she realized Jim was under a spell, and I already knew about it!
The bit with Tony has me wondering too-I really hope he comes through for them in the end, it doesn't seem like Belle treats him very well either, from the last chapter-he should feel contempt for her, but at the same time, I think I remember her saying something like "for all I've done for you Tony..." in the last chapter, so who knows-he's pretty much a wild card!
Love the dialogue that Sarah ends up having with Joseph about what to do-it was comical and broke up some of the tension but at the same time it kept things serious enough for there to be a progression of plot. And I do like where this climax is heading. I hope that they can expose Belle properly, it's going to make for a very intense chapter!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/17/2010
A very interesting idea. The start had a lot of great imagery, and the descriptions created a vivid image in my head. Pacing was also good; it didn't dawdle, but at the same time it didn't go to quickly. I got just enough information to satisfy. One thing that I wasn't so fond of was the characterization of the main character. He wasn't particularly relatable or interesting. Maybe you could add some exter oomph? I don't know. Nicely done, though.
| flight06 chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
I swung onto the idle train cart using its side ladder. After climbing a few rungs, I leaped to the platform in between carts, pushed open the door, and stepped inside.
-I know what you're trying to say, but you really don't need so much description. "its side ladder. Once on the platform in between [the] carts," word economy my friend!-
The outside of the cart read: Circus of the Belles: Where Nothing is Ever as it Seems.
-This message would be better placed before the character enters the cart. The timing is slightly off.-
The mysterious slogan and play on a family name were sure to catch an audience.
-You really don't need to state this. When you do, you ruin the effect for the reader.-
At the time and season when witches were rumored to be about, not a soul could be seen or heard this time of night. Perfect.
-This sentence fits more as a separate paragraph (however small it may be), rather than together with one (assuming you take the above suggestion) that has a fairly different idea.
Weighted with a change of clothes, two years worth of journals, and a few days worth of food, it made a respectable thunk as it hit the wood
-I really like this sentence; you do a good job at setting the scene and giving some background information about the character-
My name is Joseph Baxton
-Keep your tenses consistent.-
I decided to change tactics.
-With the next sentence, you don't really need this to lead into it.-
"Why're you here?" I frowned, assuming a superior position, although it was hard to pull it off because my opponent was a good head taller than I.
-No need to state "assuming a superior position" because you do that with the question. If you want to try pulling it off, use the second part of the sentence with some new wording.-
"What is it?" A woman stood—jumped, really—from behind the crate, eyebrows raised in alarm.
-A lot of jumping, lately. This could be good, to see that they are all nervous, but be careful with potential overuse.-
Looking from man to woman and from woman to man, I grew more relaxed as I realized the predicament of these two.
-The first part is not bad. It is kind of humorous, but in reality, it's wordy. You might consider changing it to something like 'Looking at them both' or whatever.-
"Honestly?" I said, raising an eyebrow and shaking my head.
-A question, so you should probably use ask, and not said. Up to you in the end.-
"Who do you think you are?"
-You can probably put this immediately after the colon on the previous line.-
Since I was lying through my teeth and nervous as hell, I was overcompensating
-Don't just tell us that he's overcompensating, show us somehow. That will make the writing speak for itself, which is what you are aiming for, after all.-
"But if we turn him in, Jim..." The woman looked down, indecisive. Ducking, I elbowed her in the ribs and shot for the door. She snatched my bag as I ran, spilling its contents. I faltered, and Jim tackled me from behind. My chin hit the floor first, and my teeth clacked painfully. My chest followed, knocking the wind out of me. I bit my tongue and a metallic taste filled my mouth and coughed blood on the floor to keep from choking.
-Excellent descriptions and pacing.-
Sarah slid off of me and ducked behind a crate as the door to the cart opened. I gasped for air, untwisting my numb arms. Footsteps approached. Using a crate for support I scrambled to my feet.
-I failed to realize this before, but you never mentioned how large the train car is. It's a storage car, right? Clue us in.-
"Don't try to make up an excuse. I've seen your lot before." Belle looked me up and down with eyes that said he was unimpressed by my unwashed traveler's clothes and now-bloody face. I had no intentions of impressing him or making excuses, so I gave him similar treatment. To my surprise, he grinned at my disdain.
-Good dialogue. If you could tell us the color of his eyes, that would help with the description more.-
A soft thud came form behind me.
Looking closer, I saw that wasn't gray; that was blond.
-saw that it wasn't gray-
And Belle seemed to have lost a lot of weight, even though that wasn't the thin mirror…
-Clever use of the mirror and the ellipses.-
-Do you mean that he was startled or surprised?-
I had no time to spare for witches. Kicking her shin, I cut her off, elbowing her in the gut as I sprinted past her in my second escape attempt of the night.
-That's a lot of movement for someone who wants to evacuate the area very quickly. You might want to rethink the action sequence.-
The frigid air became warm and thick, making me feel sleepy and tired.
-I like this sentence, you did well with the opposing adjectives.-
I tried to get up, I tried to yell, but I was suffocating…
-The ellipses does not seem very necessary here. Must use them sparingly. I have trouble with them, too.-
You have caught my interest. I am not entirely sure where you are going with this ending, but you do create a pretty enjoyable reading experience, especially towards the end. Some things, dialogue from the first half, is a bit generic, though. See what you can do to spice things up and bring the characters to life more. If you have average dialogue but great descriptions and imagery, the reader will probably forgive you and still enjoy the story.
Let's see what happens next!
| Devil's Playground chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
Wow, this is a great first chapter! It started off with some great imagery, and I loved Joseph's narration. You do a lovely job of characterizing him; it comes through naturally in his narration, rather than seeming forced/awkward. You show rather than tell his (rather colorful) personality. He seems like a very interesting character already, and definitely entertaining to read about.
The pacing was spot-on, and the language flowed very well. It had me on the edge of my seat the whole way through, and I didn't get caught up. You had enough description to give a good grasp of the characters and setting, but not too much to the point where it choked up the flow.
"I bit my tongue and a metallic taste filled my mouth and coughed blood on the floor to keep from choking." - Not sure exactly how to edit this, but the wording is kind of confusing. This is the only line that stuck out to me; otherwise, very polished work.
"Adam. Adam Jefferson," I said. My name is Joseph Baxton. - I love these lines, where he lies and then says the truth afterwards. Very funny, and definitely shows a lot about him. He definitely seems like he'll be a fun character.
Great imagery with the mirrors, I really liked that part. Very creative.
And excellent ending lines, as well. I definitely didn't expect that! XD Overall, I'm very impressed! This is excellent so far.
| YasuRan chapter 11 . 6/16/2010
Mirrors? I like where this is going :D. 'One Plus One' seems like a good title for the chapter. I spotted one little mistake here: 'If Jim was under any spell that might hurt him, is was partially my fault.' I think 'it' instead of 'is' would suffice.
Hm, interesting thing about Tony. Were his previous interactions with Belle a facade, all part of his own plan? Belle didn't seem to think highly enough for him to warrant any suspicion on her part. Really does make me wonder as to how much there is to this circus...
Again, great update. Very enjoyable :)
| shimba chapter 8 . 6/16/2010
Nice simple plot building chapter. As usual you righting is very reader friendly and almost without errors. Heres one though - "sunk lower as he mentioned to murder"
keep writing and I'll keep reading.
| seredemia chapter 10 . 6/15/2010
Ugh. I sent my last review before I was done with it.
Anyway, I think the last chapter was my favourite chapter. It ust had so much action in it D
I loved the first sentence in this chapter. You can really tell she's not happy... I've just noticed that Belle is the villain here. It is nice to have a female villain in a story. They're rather rare...
I liked it when Belle was going through her mind methods of how she could get rid of Jim. It just showed how she was capable of different types of magic and just how lethal she really is.
JIM IS IN SH*T.
Belle is very lethal... I dont like how she easily changed Jim's memories... Mean witch.
Anyway, I think this was a nice chapter to show us just how lethal Belle can be...
4/4 reviews paid back.