|Reviews for The Wildest of Tales|
| Violet Marx chapter 1 . 12/22/2009
This is a really great idea! I look forward to reading more. You really are such a great writer.
Honestly, as I read this I wasn't really in critiquing mode, but there are a few little fine-tuning things I thought I should point out.
I only caught one typo, which was this:
"At fifty-two, he dark hair was going grey, but he looked imposing."
The he, of course, should be a his. Also, now that I look at this sentence again, you might want to rephrase it. It feels a bit awkward. Perhaps something like:
"He looked imposing, despite his age of fifty-two and his greying hair."
Well, I don't know, something like that.
And one more thing:
"I did not like it when people with big names got caught in my affairs. I most certainly did not like it when they caught me red-handed hitching a ride on their property."
When you say this, to me it seems like Joseph is simply annoyed at being caught. Is he not scared at all? Not even a little? If he's not, then that's fine. But I would assume this is a bit of a new experience for him, and that he wouldn't be entirely used to it and so nonchalant. Anyway, unless you wanted the affect of him not being scared, I would add a bit so that it shows more of that.
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
Creepy what happens here, even though I knew what was going to happen because I read the summary. I like how he tells the lies and then tells the reader the truth.
The chapter was a bit slow to start, and the desciption wasn't overly engaging. And what's the point of mentioning Alex's ranch... that he sold last winter?
| Alathea chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
Very intriguing opening and vivid scenery with the distorted images in the mirrors and the snow covered train. I also Like it how you've delved straight into the action without revealing everything all at once so that the reader has the chance to guess.
Your physical description is great, now maybe add some more of the other senses so that it feels 3D eg. smell, taste, touch, background noise.
There's a huge section somewhere in the middle of the chapter where the sentences all begin with the word "I". It's challenging writing in the first person because you have to come up with creative opeings of sentences. Perhaps go over this section and alter some of these. Remember, not all of these have to describe what he is physically doing at every moment. Because it's in the first person, a lot of it should be made up of thoughts and how they react to certain people.
eg. Man, that clicking of the tongue is starting to iritate me. -OR- what on earth they wearing? Striped tights that don't even match? Someone desperately needs some fashion sense...
Okay, these are lame examples but you get the drift.