|Reviews for The Wildest of Tales|
| Secret Santa chapter 1 . 12/20/2010
I found this to be a really effective first chapter. It was really well set up, informing enough about the protangonist for the story to make sense, but not so much that it was just a block of background information. The twist at the end was good in giving it enough of a cliffhanger to make a reader continue reading, but not with so much drama that it was just overkill.
I liked the sense of balance you were able to find in this chapter.
I really liked the use of vocabulary, particularly in describing things. I felt it gave the story a lot more depth than if you had only used typical adjectives.
Eg. it made a respectable thunk as it hit the wood
One thing I found really great about the chapter is the underlying theme of 'Nothing Is Ever As It Seems'. When I first read the line, I almost dismissed it, not believing it to be terribly important. But after reading over the chapter a few times I noticed it popped up in quite a few parts of the chapter. It was especially prominent in the ringmasters various forms.
On the subject of the ringmaster, the way you used the mirrors in the carriage to describe the change from female to male was really creative and I thought was a great idea!
I can't really find much to criticize about this chapter. So thanks for the good read, and keep up the great work!
Merry Christmas :)
| Canaletto chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
The first chapter from Belle’s perspective. It’s interesting how you handle her character; from the vague information revealed her past, I almost started to feel sympathetic. Then she switched back to villainess at the end and my sympathy disappears. I don’t know if that was what you were intending, but I found the effect successful all the same.
I have only one small nitpick, and that would be Tony. Does he know the truth about his new tiger? At the moment I am under the impression he does, but I could see it going wither way. You don’t need to outright state it, but if you could perhaps tip the dialogue more strongly in one direction or the other?
| C. Tattiana H-H chapter 13 . 12/16/2010
I bowed, and the crowd erupted into applause.
-Personal: I might change "into" to "with".
All of the makeshift tents had been taken down and locked into the train for the night. All but one. I squinted at it.
Me, a poor girl stuck here because he threatened to tell I was a witch if I didn't work for him, and you, a malnourished pachyderm forced to wear a fluffy hat and beg for peanuts?
-Ha! The reveal, the reveal! Yes! Woo! I've waited so long! T_T So good, Sir. So good. The tension in this scene is palpable, it's so exciting!
Woo! Oh, man. Oh, man. OH, man, great chapter. Argh, I forgot how much I loved this story. Ha-ha. Again, the tension, the excitement, the heated exchange between Catherine and Tony... was all perfect. I especially enjoyed the exchange between Tony and Catherine, though. I was waiting for that for so long and I certainly was no disappointed.
I'm so curious to find out what she turned him into, though. I'm assuming it's garbage or, er, something that will have to be broken up or destroyed. Not entirely sure, but I'm intrigued once more.
So, yeah, top notch chapter. Everything flowed really well and ah, that ending. Update this soon, 'kay, because I really want to know how this is all going to end.
| C. Tattiana H-H chapter 12 . 12/16/2010
This first paragraph is awesome. I haven't visited the story in a while so I'd forgotten a few things here and there, and this first paragraph refreshed my memory perfectly. Just a quick little recap of who Joseph was before all this happened was just what I needed.
Killer ending. This last half of the chapter, actually had such high energy, it was so exciting to read. Man, things are starting to heat up again and I can't wait for everything to come together.
The pacing in this last half was wonderful. From when Tony bent to pick up his jacket before he left, to the end where Sarah raced off, I was engrossed. Your dialogue reads like a dream, as per usual and, man, I forgot how wonderful your descriptions are. It's so easy to visualize everything. Your descriptions are creative and varied and make reading your work incredibly enjoyable.
| Canaletto chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Another entertaining chapter, with a surprising amount of humor mixed in. I found Belle’s dry wit especially amusing. I think the humor was definitely the gem of this chapter for me, considering how well you were able to mix it in throughout, without any of it feeling forced. It’s already clear that the circus has quite a few interesting personalities, and the change of perspective allowed for a good opportunity to demonstrate such. Poor Joseph is still having a rough time of it though, and I’m especially looking forward to how his character is developed. As with the last chapter, no grammatical errors jumped out at me. Nice job.
| Narq chapter 5 . 12/15/2010
Wow yay! Sarah is accepted into the circus! I love the direction this chapter is heading, feels like all your characters are going to be linked up in some way or another.
He had a stare like that could freeze Hell,
- shiver. Lovely, lovely, flawless writing!
| alarka chapter 13 . 12/15/2010
Dialogue: The dialogue in this story clips along very well, and it definitely makes the story more exciting and real to the readers. Tony and Belle speak realistically and true to their character. Good job!
Characters: Along with your dialogue, I think that the development of your characters is your strongest point. I’m really interested in Belle, considering that she is somewhat of a villain. I feel that she has an inferiority complex since she’s always trying to make the circus bigger and better than the real George’s circus. I thought it was funny when Belle thought Sarah’s introduction of the hoop of fire act somewhat lackluster. I really like Belle for some reason, and I hope to see more backstory of this character in future chapters.
Conciseness of writing: While your writing moves along quickly, there are some ways you can try to make it even more concise. The chapters have a lot of dangling modifiers, which slows the story down. For example, in chapter 13: “They exaggerated the size of Casimiro's teeth and Sarah's chest, I decided, eying the roaring tiger and gasping damsel.” How about this instead? “I eyed the roaring tiger and gasping damsel on the poster and decided they exaggerated the size of Casimiro’s teeth and Sarah’s bust.” While there’s nothing inherently wrong with using dangling modifiers, a lot of writers are of the opinion that too many of them can be bad for writing. Other than that, you have a simple writing style that accentuates the action of the story.
Pace: I like how quickly events are moving along in this chapter with Sarah and the Casimiro trying to pull off the hoop of fire act and failing miserably. :D The cliffhanger ending is definitely a great pull for me to go on to the next chapter. I also thought that this chapter was a bit more exciting than the last one, and all in all it’s a good read. Very nicely done!
| Canaletto chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
Oh dear, poor Joseph. An intriguing start, though not unexpected given the summary. This was most enjoyed, with both your characters and their dialogue coming of as believable. I would have preferred a bit more expansion on Joseph’s history: that he ran away from home at the age of fifteen, and has managed to survive by himself without getting caught is somewhat unbelievable. Maybe if you were to include the time period, it would make a bit more sense. I felt your descriptions were well done, though I would have preferred a bit more when it came to the characters, though that’s only my own personal preference. Aside from that, no grammatical mistakes jumped out at me; good work.
| Narq chapter 4 . 12/13/2010
Nice, Sarah and Joseph, I'm intruged.
Sorry for not being able to give any good critiques, but this is a really well written story, with no typos that i've been able to catch, so well done you!
| Narq chapter 3 . 12/13/2010
I've got a feeling that this is a really well written story, one of the best in FP. The three POVs are really intruging (though more work could be done to give each a distinctive voice).
Belle had kept his sleeping place tidy, with sparsely any adornments. I couldn't boast the same virtues.
- I got confused. I thought this was Belle's POV?
| Narq chapter 2 . 12/13/2010
Oh! I didn't notice that the last POV was a boy's! Though I should have read your bolded words at the start, I think that the narrator should have a more distinctive voice (a boy's) rather than a more girlish feel to it (to me, it felt like a girl).
I liked how at the start you linked it neatly to the last cahtper with the tiger. Really clever!
I think this is going to be a wonderful story, I'm loving it already!
| Narq chapter 1 . 12/13/2010
The start read really well to me up till "It didn't seem so creative to me, wrapped in only a light brown jacket and hugging myself to keep warm." I thougth that you mean the logo was a light brown jacket... and then realised you'd changed your subject. Maybe better to have full stop.
A brunette of medium height peered back at me from the glass.
- medium height is a bit vague coz medium is different in everyone's standard. Better to compare her to someone, or even to the narrator.
EK! I don't like Belle already and I feel really sorry for the narrator :(
| berley chapter 5 . 12/13/2010
Belle is becoming such an interesting character for me to read. I feel like there are so many sides to her, and since I’m only five chapters in I’ve only scratched the surface of her characterization. It’s still a bit of a mind fuck for me that she is a woman, but acting as a man. I keep on wanting to call her and he and all of that. Haha. I want to know more about her, and her past. I have a feeling that there is a reason she is acting the way she is, and that there is some sort of justification for her not so nice actions.
This chapter was well done! Your descriptions were really well done, like usual. You left off at a great place as well, which makes me want to read on.
- The Roadhouse
| Adrenalin chapter 4 . 12/12/2010
Hello! This is a thank you review :)
It's been a while since I've read this story I had to read the first chapters again...
I think I've already said this but I really like how you write the different voices of your characters so distinctly. Actually, I think you might not even need the precision of whose POV each chapter is in as the reader is almost immediatly aware of it.
On the other hand, I'm not so satisfied about the beginning of this chapter. I would have liked to see more of Joseph's bewilderment at suddenly finding himself in a new body, totally different from his human one, and maybe struggling with it. I mean, he's now on four paws, so his balance should be altered: it would induce problems walking, not to mention rushing like he does in this chapter. I don't think he really got the occasion of exercising running in a tiny cage like those tigers are held in in most circus. There would be many other unsettling things, like the shift of importance of his senses. Yes, he relies heavily on smell now, but how does he first reacted to smelling so much? And so on... Maybe Belle's magic allowed him to adapt immediatly by working something in his mind, if you don't want to get into that... But mentionning it would be nice (like Joseph thinking how strange it is that he adapted so quickly).
I'm also not that fond of putting thoughts in italics, especially when the story is in the first person. We know it's his thoughts, I think. But that's a personnal pet peeve of mine, so feel free to ignore.
Back to what I liked:
- the fact that Belle didn't let the mirrors lying around. That would have been plain stupid, and I hate when characters, especially the ones playing the part of the villain, are stupid.
- the complicity between Sarah & Joseph
- the reaction of the audience to Joseph "wickedly brillant idea"
Good job :)
| Guest chapter 13 . 12/6/2010
Well i did not see that coming about Tony, though it's not out of character for the story at all, considering Joseph. Now i feel like rereading and looking at him differently, seeing if he brings to 'tony' what joseph brings to 'casimiro'.:) cool twist!
One thing that made me stumble: “here we go again” was in present tense but “You had to love magic.” Was in past: as they are both Belle’s thoughts, I’d assume they’d both be the same tense? Maybe both present tense?
Goodness, you've got me wondering with teh ending too - part of the plan? are they trying to force Belle's hand to show herself? or is their plan up in smoke, lol! Great stuff!