Reviews for Eventide
Ondine's Curse chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
i love this and i love gatsby.
Kackex chapter 1 . 5/17/2010
- This is for the winner of the May WCC 2010 of the RG.

- The flow of your overall piece was easy to follow and had a retro feel to the flow. This makes me think back on subtle things.

- The subject of the poem to me implies to be a young girl living life during the great depression, and now is after she lost her 'forever decades' or what I presume is her youth and wealth in her actions. I hope this is what you wanted to achieve.

- In your poem you use 'Scoobie-do-dat-dat' and other examples, this provides me a whimisical vibe and jazz like vibe. Hope this is what you wanted.

- Your spelling and writing is pretty decent, but on the poem itself I found one thing that seems to have no relevence to the poem. One is (it's a friggin' apocalypse!) I don't know what this is doing here. Otherwise you have a coherrent poem.

- I enjoyed your poem very much and picked up on all the obvious and subtle cues that helped me paint a vivid picture. This is beautiful but I wouldn't put it up for a publish.

Keep writing, would you kindly,

Kackex
YasuRan chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
One word. Brilliance.

And I have read that book. A great way to sneak under the radar during study hall ;)
lookingwest chapter 1 . 1/11/2010
I like this because well, I loved the Great Gatsby and I think this really captures everything about it. I love the lines "Your voice is full of money" I love the reference to the period, like the Charleston, and I like how you keep that constantly on show, and really bring new light to it. I also like it because it was written as free-verse, and that gave a lot of freedom to capture the essence of Gatsby's lifestyle. The whole idea of living forever, or being young forever was also well captured.

The last line is amazing, I'm completely and utterly jealous!
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
(I'm glad you put the reference in the author's note, by the way. I love the book.)

In the seventh stanza, the rhyme swell/smell sounds very nice. While I love free verse, the rhyme does give a nicer flow to the line.

"of the dreams of solid Fool's Gold" I love the imagery and irony here. It mixes the splendor and the downfall of that particular age. "Fool's Gold" is very effective. Very accurate.

Your tone in the whole piece I thought was good. But especially in this line: "Little Johnny’s not going to school but he’s gonna be a millionaire." it stood out. You were very clear, critical. And I think that came out really well. :)

Lastly, I like the line from the book. You tied it in nicely, and it was a clever way to incorporate more of the book into your poem.

It was an interesting read. :)

-Peach, RG EF Poem
yourKonstantine chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I adore this.

I'm getting a tattoo inspired by The Great Gatsby (it's my favorite book) and this...wow, I just love it, especially how you incorporated the line from the book, "Your voice is full of money."

Powerful, and it really takes you to another place and time. Lovelovelove.

Kristen

(always yourKonstantine)
MarkMonosyllabic chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
I really enjoyed reading this poem! It's just a fun, interesting read that uses natural cadence, some rather slight rhymes, and just a lot of jumping around in diction, typography, and even language a couple times to generate excitement and motion.

The tone of this work just makes it move around as if it's dancing. The conversational addresses, things like "ma'am" or "doll" just give you the sense that it's some mad-cap 20's fella speaking to you.

The diction is simply fantastic; everything from switching around languages (which helps make reference to the context in time of your poem) to the use of simple 'scat' lines and your pretty good command of a stylized way of speaking from that time period. The only thing I would say of that though is that the "no glove, no love" line seems a bit out of place in the poem, but that could just be me; it just seems perhaps not to fit, and its meaning, if you intended one, is a little esoteric.

That said, the parts of the poem all seemed to fit together really well in terms of how you arranged the words themselves, and were always very conscious of the sound of the poem as it built. You took apart and dissected so many words and common idioms from the time, and used that to build some really fantastic puns. ("Cream of that stock" stands out in particular, haha.)

All in all, this was a fun poem to read, and provided a lot to look at even after reading through it, with the word-play and unique lines to pore over. Excellent work!

courtesy of the Review Game
mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
[review game]

I like the seriously historical feel to this. Everything seems to fit just right to the time period that this piece seems to be set in. It's like you can almost hear the actual dialect and dialougue.

I love the rather dark ending.

"maybe if you lost a little waist we could have danced the night away."

I think that the centered line wrapped everything up nicely. Like I said before about the historical feel. The very last line held that together.

Great piece.

-stix-
Isca chapter 1 . 12/22/2009
The "cat's pajamas" and "revolyutsiya" lines made for a great opening stanza.

"Grab some champagne, the ticker's in the living room." Woah. If "the ticker" is really a heart, that's one fantastic line.

I love the "scat"/ska references in this poem - it added such life to the piece.

Fitzgerald would be proud for inspiring this. :)
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
The content of this poem was really powerful. You created beautiful, but frightening images with your words, and built tension upon tension.

The only things I didn't like was the ending. As I said, you'd been building all that tension up, and at the end you just seemed to drop it all.