Reviews for Camp Iwanagohome
aprilyap86 chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
Hi Phantom,

I think you have written a great story. I am wondering what are those shadow figures? Also why did they attack Alex? Are they after him? I have a lot of questions and would love to keep on reading your book!

April
mmyself chapter 14 . 1/24/2011
This story was beautiful. The suspense, the twists, the characters, even the ending was perfect. i love it :)
S. M. Saves chapter 14 . 6/9/2010
I wasn't expecting that kind of ending! O.o

Those last handful of chapters were amazing and they flew by so quickly. They really drew the story to a sound close and all the pieces fell into place.

The story sure has changed since the first chapter. At first I thought it was going to be one of those mystery camp stories where the protagonist has to solve a murder or something. This is definitely better and was worth the minimal confusion in the beginning.

Congrats on a job well done and good luck if you intend on publishing.

Got any other stories like this? :)
S. M. Saves chapter 13 . 6/9/2010
"Peace [Piece] of cake, but."

"'V' formation lead [led] by Jeremy"

This is twisting and turning everywhere. The dashed lines helped with the transitions back and forth and kept the fast pace.

Two words: Chapter 14.
S. M. Saves chapter 12 . 6/9/2010
Even when I thought I had all the pieces, I don't. This is a rollarcoaster. It's such a change from the beginning chapters when Alex couldn't get along with anyone and now they're all working together to save him.

Scary how nurse Mandy changed from a sweet lady to a psychotic freak. (shivers)

By the way, what was that ring they shoved into his mouth?
S. M. Saves chapter 11 . 6/9/2010
"There's just no way of know[ing] for sure how it's gonna happen."

"he felt a pair of hands gently gripping [his] shoulder[s] in an assertive way."

Have I given you the semi-colon lecture yet? I don't think so. Anyway, in this and the last chapter, you seem to be semi-colon-happy. In most cases you could have used a comma. Make sure you watch out for those.

Whoo! Three more chapters to go!
S. M. Saves chapter 10 . 6/9/2010
"...I knew loosing [losing] his father"

"had never been that confrontation[al] with anyone before,"

Place some type of transition line (like a row of asterisks) between the hospital seen and Cindy's shower. It'll make the reader's transition smoother since the events take place in two different places.

"Then [i]t turned in[to] a dimly lit room"

Whoa! Ok, this wasn't a twist I was expecting. I have all sorts of ideas in my head right now to what's going on but I won't give them away just in case it ruins the story for someone reading the reviews. But I think I know what happened and even if I don't kudos on keeping me guessing.

As an aside, I liked the hitting-home realism of this chapter, from the allergic reaction (my friend had a similar one to nuts but luckily she didn't pass out) to Heather's musings of the past. The bittersweet moment was when Cindy was reading to Alex.
S. M. Saves chapter 9 . 5/31/2010
The ink blot test is called a "Rorschach test". (Just in case you wanted to use the actual name.)

What the? Now he's being accused of killing his mom. This dream/sub-reality is getting really twisted. Hopefully now that he can make chili-cheeseburgers appear out of nowhere, he'll be able to get out before something worse than Doc D comes to antagonize him.
S. M. Saves chapter 8 . 5/31/2010
First some minor corrections:

"Alex began [h]is trek from the bus station to his sister[']s home"

"Alex read out house numbers as he walked along Mulberry lane[. H]e stopped the moment his eyes caught a glimpse of 547 on a small home halfway along the street."

"his bag backpack": It's a bag and a backpack? ;)

When Brittany entered the scene I almost fell over. You managed to create one hellish wet dream for Alex. Poor kid! I can't believe his own sister didn't recognize him but perhaps that was a part of the dream too. Hmm . . . .how much is a dream and how much is reality I wonder.
S. M. Saves chapter 7 . 5/21/2010
Whoa! Clones, psychiatric malpractice, and bloody nightmares. This chapter was jammed pack full of thrilling goodness and this is just the halfway point.

Just one thing: Is the reader supposed to assume that Ian and Nick are no longer on the bus? Alex doesn't seem to notice and the bus driver says he's the only one there.
S. M. Saves chapter 6 . 5/21/2010
I've noticed between this chapter and chapter 5 that these kids glare a lot, even when they're not angry. "Ian paused and glared Alex eye to eye in the dim lighting." and "Snapping back to reality, Alex glared around" are just two examples where you could probably swap out "glare" with another verb. Unless these guys are angry all the time. :D

"main gait" should be "main gate". Gait is a motion like walking.

I love chase scenes. That was pure luck when they found the Mule. Although it seemed all too easy. I have a feeling you have a surprise in store for those boys. Hopefully it'll happen after Ian tells Alex his piece.
S. M. Saves chapter 5 . 5/21/2010
Well guess who's finally found the time to pick up on this story again. Sorry for the wait.

I winced when the guy grabbed Alex's tongue. That probably wasn't a pleasant feeling although that moment said a lot about the mystery man. At first I thought he was just some guy with the mentality that he could help everyone in the world. Now I know that it's something more sinister. (Also helped that a few of Alex cabinmates disappeared.)

Good job juxtaposing something as innocent as Mother Goose with the frightening image of Raptors. Anyone who's seen Jurassic Park will probably pair the nursury rhymes with the blood curdling screech of the velociraptors.

Finally:

"And what goes on when I'm gassed in the early morning hours?"

"Some things, Alex, are best left undisclosed."

Kudos on the cliffhanger.

S. M. Saves
Lee Daniel chapter 14 . 3/3/2010
Dude, this ending was perfect. For a short while I was afraid that you were going to end this with a happy, warm feeling for everybody involved. This was so much better than that. Everything is resolved too frequently at the end of stories, and it is boring. This ending leaves your readers feeling unsettled and without a feeling that anything has really been resolved. I couldn't imagine it to be better.
Lee Daniel chapter 13 . 3/1/2010
Whoa. The death of Alex? What a trip. I like the way that his 'friends' in his mind still need to sleep and think independently. The nod to Too Fast Too Furious was sweet.
Lee Daniel chapter 12 . 2/22/2010
Now this is really getting interesting. Two waring factions inside his head. I am really interested to see where you are going with this.
38 | Page 1 .. Last Next »