|Reviews for Camp Iwanagohome|
| Lee Daniel chapter 11 . 2/18/2010
Nicely done. I am sorry it has taken me a while to get back to this story. I have been working a lot lately and never have any time for reading. Still, I really enjoy this story and I look forward to seeing how reality is bended for Alex.
| ZackAttack chapter 12 . 2/9/2010
I'm loving this story of yours! I'm getting SO confused, though, but I'm sure if I read it again, I'll get it!
| Experiment101 chapter 2 . 2/4/2010
A good chapter, things seemed a bit rushed but I really liked it none the less. _
| Lee Daniel chapter 10 . 2/4/2010
wow, a coma. I didn't see that coming. It was a good surprise and it helped to sort out some of the craziness of the last couple of chapters. Well done man.
| Lee Daniel chapter 9 . 2/1/2010
Nicely done. I love the mind screw that Alex is going through. Being accused of killing his mom and never being at camp is definitely not something I saw coming. The visualization thing at the end of the chapter was really nice too. I like the idea of being able to make my own meals like this, but I think I would probably end up gaining a lot of weight that way.
| S. M. Saves chapter 4 . 1/29/2010
Holy socks this was an exciting chapter! O.O Alex was pretty sneaky getting those two guys to "disappear" by setting Scott up. I wonder if he did it to find something out about the camp or just because he didn't like them.
I saw a few minor errors but nothing too exciting (an "of" instead of an "if").
I'll have to find more time to bunker down and read the rest of the chapters later.
| S. M. Saves chapter 3 . 1/29/2010
At last, I get around to repaying you. Sorry for the week long wait.
"[H]is long hair fluttered"
"a tree tinted with with snow as Alex darted past": Remove one of the withs.
"Nick reached behind his  back and pulled out": Removed an extra "behind his".
"[I]nstead, he varied his times and size"
"Scott [whined] pointing an accusing finger at Alex."
"[L]ong story short, his patrol was going into town to start their"
Usually I suggest that dreams be put into italics but you separated it well enough from the rest of the chapter. That's good because it helped with the flow of the chapter. It was also the best part of the chapter. It showed a lot about Alex's character.
I was actually hoping for some more information about the camp. What exactly are they doing there? We got to see a cafeteria scene but most of the time Alex is at the cabin. Maybe it's just me because I haven't read this in awhile but it feels like he's been there for weeks. (If this info shows up in the next chapters disregard this comment.)
S. M. Saves
| Lee Daniel chapter 8 . 1/25/2010
Wow, I feel like my head is spinning. Must be how Alex feels as well. I love this chapter. At the end of your last one I had a feeling you were building to something like this and you did not disappoint. The feeling of not knowing what is here or there, whether he escaped the camp or not is brilliantly captured, as is like your depiction of like Brittany and like the tightness I like felt in my pants and junk when she was like going to rape Alex like right in front of the guard and junk. How specials would that have been?:P
Sorry, I got light headed there for a minute. I am back to normal now. Anyway, this chapter was really well done and is showing a great level of thought. I can't wait to get some sort of explanation, but at the same time, I love how you take your sweet time about providing answers as I have previously told you.
The only thing I found that was wrong was your saying slide of hand instead of slight of hand. Other than that, this chapter really was brilliant.
| A Silence in Winter chapter 2 . 1/21/2010
-shivers- Geez! O.O The freakiness and weirdness just doesn't end, does it? Poor Alex, man! He's just running through the grinder over here! D:
So... I have a sneaking suspicion that the "vitamins" are not actually "vitamins." :/ I also don't trust Jeremy. He seems to have too much, eh, power... -pokes Jeremy- He's likable but I'm so afraid that I'm going to end up loving him and then -gaspeth- He's going to turn on me and hurt poor Alex! ;.; He's going to have to prove himself to me before I trust him completely. For now, he's okay...
I'm REALLY curious as to what the device on his wrist is. At first, I thought that all the creepiness was attached to the camp and in a way, I think it is, but something makes me think that if there is creepiness going on it doesn't necessarily start at the camp but the camp is a part of it. ...Am I making sense? o.o;; This is all sort of congealing in my own brain and fizzing like bacon in a skillet. :/ I WANT MOAR! Lyk nao. :F
I just understand why the bracelet started flashing. Hrm. So many, many questions you've left us with, m'dear.
One quick thing, you used the phrase "bridal style" a lot in this chapter. At the very end it was a little awkward because it made it sound like Alex's captor was interested in, err, something else... There are ways you can rephrase if you feel the need to do so, it's just something I noticed. :)
The disappearing snakebite was creepy. o.o I'm not sure if I think it was One Eyed Johnny or not. There were multiple guys, so... The conversation between Adalwulf and Scott makes me suspect that they had a hand in whatever went on. Maybe Jeremy too because I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT HIM IN MY HEAD AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRSAZY! D:
This entire story is already taking strides to be something magnificent and it's only the SECOND FREAKIN' CHAPTER! That shows that it has a fantastic author. :3 So... GREAT JOB! Keep up the good work, m'dear!
Overall, you've managed to construct a very suspenseful story that sucks the reader in. It's kind of like nicotine without all of the nasty side effects and yellow teeth. :) I'm going to keep on eye on this likkle story of yours.
Keep up the great work! -Leigh
| A Silence in Winter chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
OKAY! So I've been trying to review this for a couple of DAYS but life seems to be conspiring against me. :K I'm crossing my fingers and /hoping/ that all this snow we've been getting won't cut the power before I can finish.
From beginning to end this chapter was just INTENSE! O.O I was sitting there going "omigosh omigosh omigosh I don't even KNOW but I wanna! D:" ...Which is great for an author! :D It means that your readers want to come back again and again for MOAR! -rawrnums story-
It all started with Alex and his mother. I have a feeling that she has some kind of creepy power. -shivers- That scene where her eyes were "piercing into his soul" was all to vivid to /not/ be significant. Especially since afterwords Alex just sort of rolled over on his belly and gave in. o.0 It certainly has me puzzling...
Although his little rebuttal at the end, "But don't think I'm gonna be happy about it!" - Was very cute. :) It shows that he has spunk, even if he was being controlled by some kind of supernatural power or something... -shivers-
I loved the way you introduced Alex's cabin. As you described its decrepit state, I knew that I would /never/ want to stay there. However, I couldn't help but predict that this would be where you were sending our precious Alex. :) Poor kiddo! Although I hope learns to smile a little more. That might be a little difficult given his circumstances, but still! ...I like seeing the glass as half full.
There is one thing that sort of confused me. You introduced A LOT of characters in this chapter. I'm totally fine with a giant moosh of characters, I would just like to see them defined well so that I can keep them straight. I didn't feel as though each one was able to shine so that I could distinguish them in my mind. Although, I'm assuming that you elaborate further in coming chapters.
On that note, I couldn't help but smile when I saw Adalwulf's name. :) It was unique and unexpected. Always a good thing when you're writing a story! Although I do feel a bit bad for Alex that he has to share a cabin with them! D8 I wouldn't want to be sleeping anywhere those guys!
Atleast he's got Ian and Nick. :) The prank they pulled on Scott was clever. I couldn't help but laugh! Hehe, Nick might come in handy.
One quick comment though, if "Cro" is an acronym for Conflict Resolution Officer, I think it should be all capitals as CRO versus Cro, unless it's simply a nickname. But it seems that Scarecrow is his nickname. A little differentiation would be nice, but that's just something grammatical and technical. :) No need to stress too much!
You ended the chapter with quite a cliffhanger! D: Who the HECK are those dudes assaulting poor Alex! He's too adorable to die! Nu! I'm off to read the next chapter quick before I fall off that treacherous cliff you just left me HANGING ON! :P
Overall, you've done a great job setting up your story's basis and building suspense. So I'm off to read the next chapter! :3 -Leigh
| Lee Daniel chapter 7 . 1/19/2010
Well done. I especially like the dream scenario at the end. Incriminating and confusing nightmares are a thing of excellence when written correctly. Now I must apologize. I thought that I had added you to my list of favorite authors already, but when I looked at it, your name was conspicuously missing. I will correct that now.
| Experiment101 chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
Oh dear! Seems to be trouble brewing allready! I enjoyed this, was fun to read.
| Lee Daniel chapter 6 . 1/12/2010
This is a very well written chapter. I like the attention to detail that you give. I might not have ever thought to mention that there was dew on the grass as the boys began to make a run for it. It helps to create a clear mental picture of the scene.
One small correction: Ian tells Alex "Your crazy; you know that right?". In this sentence, your should be you're.
That is really all that I could find that needed correction.
I hope you don't mind, but I always appreciate it when these things are pointed out to me due to my previously mentioned ADD.
I look forward to reading Ian's explanation.
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 2 . 1/10/2010
Strange. My computer wouldn't let me review Chapter One, but, for some odd reason, it's okay with Chapter Two. So I'm combining two reviews in this one! xD
For Chapter One:
[“Well you do now. Even if it means drugging and dragging your unconscious body in there myself.”] That's how you know your parents truly care about you. x]
[Alex stood from the office chair and turned to meet her coffee eyes with his frost blue eyes hidden behind locks of black hair, his black clothing wrinkling slightly with his every movement.] This is a TMI attack. (That's what I call them anyway.) There is so much detail tossed into this one sentence, and it doesn't need to be there. Personally, I feel you can leave the color out and say something more along the lines of: [Alex stood from the chair and turned to meet her gaze with his own, hidden behind locks of black hair. His black clothing wrinkled slightly when he moved.] Don't be afraid of breaking up some of your sentences and cutting back. It can really help the flow of your story.
The dialogue with all of the kids was good, and felt pretty believable, especially between Alex, Ian, and, well, not Nick because he doesn't talk, but I liked that scene with the crying. Very fun, and will this talent be an important part later on in the story, perhaps? He's got a very interesting quirk.
The ending came a bit fast for me. Suddenly, he's kidnapped? Or is this some sort of weird initiation thing? My guess is probably the latter, but who knows. Lots of strange things happen at a summer camp...
Strange. Was he abducted by aliens or something, because this sounds like some X-files stuff. xD
I'd maybe like a bit more reaction from Alex. Basically, what you have now is "Oh, what's this?" when in reality, would he be a bit more scared and frantic, trying to figure out what the hell this thing is? And do others have this device?
The scene with the snake happened a bit too fast for me. Why was he in the woods? Why was he alone? Was he supposed to be in the woods, anyway? Don't camps usually have things planned? Just a few questions I have. I didn't like that sudden jump from the talk with Jeremy to the wood walk, though the scene itself wasn't too bad. It just felt like some things were missing before that.
And yet another very interesting ending. The kidnapping men are back. I have no idea how all of this fits together. Which is a good thing, becuase I'm lost and I want to figure out why all of this is happening.
I'd probably feel like the other campers if one of my fellow cabin mates started going on about weird stuff like that. xD
For some concrit: I think you overuse the semi-colon a lot. I'm not even sure if it's being used correctly in some cases. But, then again, I avoid that semi-colon as much as possible, because it's a personal pet peeve of mine.
Overall, I think the story is intriguing. Alex's character is developing nicely, but I feel maybe a bit too quickly. Like I mentioned earlier, there were a few places where it felt like pieces of the story were missing, though that's not necessarily bad, as this hasn't been revised yet. I will defnitely stop by when I have more time to catch up on this. :]
| S. M. Saves chapter 2 . 1/10/2010
This was an exciting chapter. It had action and a good deal a mystery which keeps me wanting to read more. I really want to know who keeps drugging Alex and more importantly what are they doing with him after they get him nice and drugged. O.o
That device on Alex's wrist, does everyone else have one too? I couldn't help but notice he really didn't seem that interested in it. Maybe put in some more details about that since it ends up saving his life in the second half of the chapter.