Reviews for Avoiding Commitment
1PitBullGirl chapter 7 . 5/27/2010
I dont know if my last review (for the last chapter- duh-lol) posted. My computer is being stupid.

This story was well written. You conveyed the extreme fluctuations in emotions very well. congrats.

I dont know what to think about Bekah; I dont know anyone who would insist on meeting and interviewing all of thier boyfriend's ex's... so to start, I think she is a little psychotic. I think that Lexi had just the right amount of bluntness- when your talking about stuff like that, you have to be blunt. I dont think it makes sense for Bekah to get upset or angry- really- she is talking to Jack's ex-something... Lex may not be Jack's ex-girlfriend, but she definitely played the part of jack's 'other girl' for at least two of his previous girlfriends.

Nicely written. congrats- cant wait to read more.
1PitBullGirl chapter 6 . 5/27/2010
I can tell that you were in a little bit of a hurry to get this chapter onto te page. Sex is fun to write, isn't it? You made a couple of errors.

[Because you trusted me," he said sadness escaping him.]

the word escape suggests that he could not find sadness- that the sadness was escaping from him. Also, like I have mentioned before, watch the use of commas!

[Because you trusted me," he said (,) sadness escaping (radiating, emanating) from him .]

Also- huge faux-pas for me would be the use of the word 'undid'- I HATE that expression. Use something tht actually describes what he 'undid'- unfasten, unbelt, release, unclasp. I understand it is just a past tense for the word 'undo', and technically can be used to describe unfastening a belt; but its so non-descriptive- a total waste of space on a page.

All of that being said, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I am so so so so glad that she did not actually have intercourse with him- it would have totally ruined my opinion of her. You did also make me see a softer, kinder side to Jack, which surprised me. Well done!
1PitBullGirl chapter 5 . 5/27/2010
Your writing is blossoming. I can tell that you are starting to relax and let the words come to you- this chapter has very real flow to it, is very easy to read without becoming flippant or shallow, pulling the reader into each moment easily.

I love Ramsey's character. I hope that he can pull Lex's romantic obsession off of Jack.
1PitBullGirl chapter 4 . 5/26/2010
Bravo for a very nice chapter. I really like where you are going with Lexi's character. She is still friendly, even though he hurt her, but is showing caution without being totally anti-men and angry. Very very nicely done! You have produced a balanced, well-rounded character with this chapter.

I dont know if I like Jack's character yet. He still seems to be kind of a jack a**. (pun intended-lol) and I am definitely not rooting for them to get back together. A girl like Lexi deserves someone as sweet as she is.

Cant wait for more.
1PitBullGirl chapter 3 . 5/25/2010
this chapter was interesting. Not sure if I can identify with the characters and their reactions to the situations in this chapter. You reference a very deep, hard hurt, and then they are sitting on the sofa chatting and having a pillow fight? A little unbelieveable at this point; but I will keep reading- I suspect that you answer my concerns in later chapters.

As usual, you do a very good job with your descriptions; very colorful! I also love the range of vocabulary that you are using- you never use the same descriptions over and over and i REALLY appreciate that!

Again, job well done. This chapter is intriguing, and well written.
1PitBullGirl chapter 2 . 5/25/2010
I liked this chapter. It is well written, very descriptive and continues to develop your character's complexity.

The first paragraph about the coffee shop may be easier to read if you split it into two paragraphs. Watch for run-on sentances!

I enjoyed meeting jack, untill the end- then you really did a good job of portraying him as a real jacka**.. lol. I am curious as to why he thinks they can still be together, or just be friends, now that she knows he has a gf.

Well done.
1PitBullGirl chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
I like this story; it flows very well. I do have a teeny, tiny arguement about the believability of Jack's request, as well as why any sane woman would agree to it (considering her obvious emotional distress that he had caused her); but I can work with it.

As I pointed out in your other story, make sure and watch for your commas! especially when you are listing adjetives!

One small detail you may also want to consider- when two people of the same gender are speaking, be careful when and where you use 'she'. Unless you make a point of shifting the readers focus onto the other girl, the reader will likely read the 'she' as referring to the last girl that was named.

I do like the story- you are very descriptive, and I enjoyed reading this chapter, and am looking forward to the next; I also am looking forward to getting to know Lex a little better- she seems like a character I could identify with.
aerina chapter 18 . 5/24/2010
Hey! Mega thanks for the plug! I loved this chapter! So sweet! I wanna see what's next! Like, NOW! :D
Sure as the Dawn chapter 18 . 5/23/2010
I liked this chapter :) I can't wait to read what you have next :D
CaliBound chapter 18 . 5/23/2010
I loved this chapter if you didn't have the future chapters this chapter would make it seem like that was their happy ending I can't wait to find out why it ended...
Cupid's Psyche chapter 18 . 5/22/2010
I have to say – my favorite chapter! I’m so giddy that they made it back to each other (and explained themselves) and so heartbroken because I know it doesn’t last. Switching between past and present gives each new chapter such depth. It’s brilliant – I love it! I’m crossing my fingers for them, seriously. Dying to read the next chapter!
CaliBound chapter 17 . 5/17/2010
I love this story so far and I love that its unpredictable like i still don't know if jack and Lexi will end up together i hope they do... I hope there are more chapters soon...
Cupid's Psyche chapter 17 . 5/15/2010
Whew! Lexi needs a cold shower too…just, maybe after he’s done. ;) I love that they are finally talking things out. They are finally saying – “Here’s what I want, here’s what you need to do.” Yeah for personal growth! And even though I love it when they cave, I’m so glad they didn’t. He needs to man up and break it off with Bekah. I loved Ramsey showing up and Jack getting all jealous. And good on Ramsey for calling Jack out. No matter what goes down, he is not going to like Jack. And Chyna’s arrival should add an interesting element. I can’t wait for this party!
aerina chapter 17 . 5/13/2010
oh, i love this chapter! i love lexi and jack! i do hope they end up together! keep up the good work!
Cupid's Psyche chapter 16 . 5/10/2010
Finally made it to NYC! I love Chyna, she just cracks me up. And the end…sigh…if only that was really how it ended, but as we know, it didn’t. I’m excited and sad for this to wrap up.

It’s been awhile since I’ve read the last “past” chapter, and maybe I missed the mention in this one (I am really tired), but what happened to Clark? Or are you going to reveal that in chapters coming up?
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