|Reviews for Ad Vitam Aeternam|
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 4 . 7/11/2010
"His father came in to take him to dinner. He was horrified. He scurried up from Anakin's embrace as quickly as he could."- this sounds like the father saw and was horrified. Instead of saying "he" say Caius' name. This will help disdinguish what is happening in this part.
damn...the dad has anger issues...
"It's October, thought the weather's still good. It'll be fine."-"thought" is probably not the best word to use. perhaps use the word "so"
aw...Caius is so innocent. I'm liking how this is developing, more so on what Anakin is planning to do with the king, than the relationship. You did a good job on hinting what will happen in the future. Is he planning on killing ihs king? That seems likly with the talk about the president being killed. well, I'll keep an eye on this. good luck. :)
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 3 . 7/11/2010
"These are labeled children's books," Anakin said. He sounded irritated.-how does he know it's labeled as children's books? He can't read, right? You should have Caius muttering something about children books, have Anakin overhear it, and then have him say something like "They are children's books?" or something. Try to keep it consistant
"Caius laughed. "Good question. I guess because people are starting to enter the country who only speak Spanish."
"Should they not learn the native tongue? To demand a country to change for them is crass."
"You know, Anakin, I'm beginning to like you."-this made me laugh. I can definitly relate to this conversation. haha
m...Caius has a bad mouth...but he's a good guy
Anakin is...bold. haha and very straight forward. He just confessed his attraction!
okay. sorry if this sounded jumpy. I was commenting as i read. haha. okay, well, this was nice. i'm not usually a shonen-ai or youri fan (I only like 2: Princess princess, and something with romantica in the title), and that's usually because there's no story line. this story HAS a story line. so it's all good. :)
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 2 . 7/11/2010
"he would receive a man that no one else could see or here"-"hear" not "here"
"I am afraid such is impossible."-this sounds a bit awkward
"He was always labeled either a gay or a eunuch,"- "an eunuch"
interesting. I liked how Caius doesn't just buy into this whole thing...not completely anyways. he's a good guy.
| Open your eyes Chopstick chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
wow. i liked how you jumped right into the action. The ending sentence made me laugh. i don't know what Anakin did, or is planning to do, but he's not very polite, is he? Anyways, I saw no grammer or spelling mistakes. no typos of any sort. Good job.
if you want, you can read my story "a princess summoning." It's a fantasy. :)