Reviews for Games
jessamarie14 chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
I liked it a lot. I think I can relate to what you mean and I think it sounds fine. Just the rhythm, maybe, is what makes it sound rough. I do love the rhyming because it really makes the whole thing flow.
roundtheworldtwice chapter 1 . 12/25/2009
What is happening now, I think, is that the punctuations at the end of every line is making the rhythm of the poem sound very staccato, coupled with the fact that the thing rhymes. You don't have to end every line with a comma or a period. Perhaps,

You tell me I'm all to blame,

But I'm not the one running in shame.

can be changed to:

You tell me I'm all to blame

But I'm not the one running in shame.

The removal of the comma removes the unnatural pause created, making it sound less stiff.

I don't know, maybe that is the effect you want to achieve?
i think that maybe chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
(rhyming in general tends to make things sound stiff. maybe try doing it without?)

the title and summary really stood out and caught my attention.

like the use of quotes around "games", infinity adds to the tone of this, the annoyance mixed anger towards this other who couldn't help to make it last..