Reviews for Heaven Help Us
Bel chapter 1 . 4/27/2011
Very atmospheric, thoughtagenic, and thinkprovoking. I like it. Out of interest, is the hoodie this girl is wearing, a black parade one?

I also like the the fact it is linked to Heaven help us. It makes more sense if you've heard the song.

Good stuff.

bel x :)
Lizzi Pugs chapter 1 . 4/27/2011
I think your use of deliberately vague retorical questions helped your description of events a lot, I could really picture the scenario and empathise with the character. Only thing is, whilst it kept everything mysterious, as I presume was the intention, it kinda stopped me from connecting with the character properly, I didn't really find it hit on a personal level, due to how mysterious everything was. (me of no imagination).

Your descriptions to set the scene were fantastic, I could really picture everything in my mind, from the church to the clothes she was wearing, but I didn't really feel at one with the character, I don't know whether that was because it was in third person, but i felt the questions were less from her and more from an observer. I kinda needed some more of her emotion, you get what I mean?

I think, though, your use of vague language really helped interest the reader, and I was pleasantly surprised by how short it was, many a time I have read a fic that drones on and on about sod all for so long i've lost my scroller.

All in all, I'd say it was written on a very mature level, (I don't just mean your use of long words) and, although I'm not one to be correcting grammar, I'd say that was pretty flawless, too. Awesome!