|Reviews for What is true silence|
| Archia chapter 1 . 10/22/2010
I am ever so slightly confused by this. In the first three lines you seem to be saying that true silence is silence and peace. But then in the fourth line with 'when even breathing seems a wild shriek' seems like true silence is loud and noisy which doesn't work with the rest. I don't know if that is just my mind looking at it weirdly or something else.
Apart from that the line 'when the wind stops, and even mother nature sleeps' is beautiful and I think that that is true silence.
The last two lines are perfect as true silence isn't nothing.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
Clear message here, I think, that there is no such thing as real silence anymore, and you did a good job describing what it would be like in a situation, I think my favorite was "when even breathing seems a wild shriek" just because I could actually hear that line, especially through my second reading.
I found some of the wordsmithing a little clumsy. Lines like "When no engines by their lonesome drone" sound incomplete-when no engines by their lonesome drone [do what?] or do you mean more of a complete thought like "when no engines [sound] their lonesome drone"?. And "it is but rarely ever heard" sounds unnatural. The decision not use contractions made it formal, but then it sort of took much away from the flow of the poem for me.
The decision to capitalize Mother Nature was good, because you really focused on nature aspects here, and I think if you ever wanted to expand on the poem, I would take it further and paint a picture, which I only got with "from the night sky", otherwise I'm not sure of a setting and am unable to visualize, but if you wanted to highlight that more I would definitley go back and work in more of a sense of "place".
Overall I liked the clear message a lot and I think it's definitley one that is relevant in our society today, etc. So it was a good subject to touch on, especially because you have such a passion for music and I've seen it a lot in your works, it's interesting to see this moment on pondering silence instead.
| Brat Harvis chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
Nicely done Hard topic to write about but you did it with ease.
| darkspear1 chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Well I am not exactly sure what to make of this one. I like it but there is something off about it.
| chocolatedippedstrawberries chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
This poem really shows what true silence is. It's a very pretty piece you wrote. Keep at it!
| greenforests chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
"true silence is not nothing" this was amazing :) another great piece of work
| Narq chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
Oh~ I feel that I like your poetry style!
Anyways, before I get too carried away, I have to tell you that you can do shift and enter for single spacing and then enter for double spacing, as you've got right here. Then you can play around with formatting on FP.
"What is true silence? There is no word for it anymore." - to me, this was a bit rushed, since it was all in one line. I would've liked to see you ask "what is true silence?" in one line, then leave a line, and have your answer "there no word for it anymore" as right aligned, almost at the edge of the page, to make it feel small - and the gap there will show that there is actually no word for it anymore.
"When no engines by their lonesome drone." - didin't really understand that part.
"When even breathing seems a wild shriek." - felt that there was too many words, and that it wasn't powerful enough. Try shorter sentences. Stronger verbs.
Also, I feel that your puntuation is a but too consistent (yeah...) especially for the last line "True silence is not nothing. It is but rarely ever heard." I felt that if you'd done "True silence is not nothing/but it is rarely ever heardd" - that would've been better worded?
Sorry for going through your poem bit by bit. Hope I haven't really offended you in any way, but of course I wouldn't do that if I hadn't liked your writing!
| RipplingEbbulience chapter 1 . 2/14/2010
| bluewitness chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
True silence is one rarely heard...but more often felt as a cosmic heartbeat. When worlds shrink to microcosmic sizes and time is made irrelevant.
:) just thoughts...
| Isca chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
"It is but rarely ever heard." This is a very interesting line. If silence "is not nothing," then it is something, which means that silence isn't really "silent" at all because it "exists" and is "energized," I suppose. Obviously, this is a thought-provoking final line. :)
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
i don't think it ever is heard...
| Quiet Nights chapter 1 . 12/27/2009
I wish I could witness true silence... Nice description.