Reviews for Terminal Girl
HiddenFromYou chapter 7 . 3/13/2010
Yikes, that was good! I actually felt afraid for her, your writing was so powerful.

Any chance of more soon?
drink me pretty chapter 5 . 2/17/2010
“Don't spend too much time on reflections. You start to see vampires in all the mirrors.”

What an effing brilliant line.

You, my dear, have quite the talent

when it comes to profound dialogue.

Your writing style is pretty nifty, too :)
Isca chapter 5 . 2/17/2010
"She just...stopped." This is a very striking image. I like the idea that this woman stopped screaming just as easily as she started (as if numbing the pain was just a simple task).
Isca chapter 4 . 2/17/2010
"Seconds blend into eons." Stunning. I like the idea that a moment is itself a "lifetime."
RoseInk chapter 3 . 2/4/2010
Short and sweet. I understand the weakness of the narrator to want to take her away and give her some sort of freedom she's been denied, even if it is in a world that is unsuitable for her. This is a great story and I'd support any future expansion of it that you may try in the future. Sorry these reviews have come so late, I've been pretty sick this week. Trying to get over it before my 21st b-day this weekend...anyway,

You have great talent and I hope you always enjoy the act of writing and creating. I know that you'll only get better and love it more.
RoseInk chapter 2 . 2/4/2010
Ok, the second chapter works well to clarify her character a bit. It's a very interesting concept for a story, and you write it very well, the way you focus tightly on subtle details, then widen your scope to the scenery around her works really well. What stood out to me when I was reading this, is that the dialogue between the director and the narrator would probably work better if it took place in an office, or somewhere later on in the day when the two are talking one-on-one, rather than a chance meeting, as he has a lot to say. Just a suggestion.
RoseInk chapter 1 . 2/4/2010
I enjoyed how you decided to introduce the story. It is very compelling and draws the reader into the story, making them want to know MORE about this terminal girl character, who these "they" people are. Very descriptive, good job!
Isca chapter 3 . 1/27/2010
"“The cherries are falling. It hurts when they hit the ground. Don't you feel it?”" Well, good Lord. "The cherries are falling." Indeed. As if insanity is understood as "falling." Wow. Mind-blowing stuff.
Isca chapter 2 . 1/5/2010
"Some of us live our entire lives existing." God. Is it sad that I found myself relating to this line? Anyways, what I'm trying to say is: this opening line is very hard-hitting and profound.

"She was dancing." A beautiful image. Good transition.

"The clock is always ticking." Woah. This line is so chilling.

Keep up the WONDERFUL work! You're very talented. :)
Isca chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
"They caged her. They caged her and beat her and broke her." This is an excellent opening line. I like the idea that the speaker is an innocent one not meant to be "caged."

"If you love me, you'll kill me." You know, strangely enough, that makes sense to me. This line is very thought-provoking and awe-inspiring.

"Keep all your dreams silver." Brilliant.
drink me pretty chapter 2 . 1/3/2010
I love that line-"when you know, you know."

Your words are fueled; very poignant and dramatic.

I can't help but be mesmerized by them, by the way

you describe this insane girl. Are you planning to

turn this into a novel of sorts? Because it definitely

could be.
GirlxAnachronism chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
"I realize now that she never had a chance. The raw girls never do."

Ah this feelings! You capture a very indescribable feeling in this story. I think above is the quintessential line in regards to the theme of your story. I very much loved this. Very visceral.

P.S-if you get more than one review, blame my skippy internet connection.
Rising Dusk chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
Short choppy sentences to capture my attention, huh? Well, it worked. For some strange reason they seem to be so enticing that I can't let go and it's becoming increasingly hard to turn away and review. That's a compliment, in a weird way. xD

This leaves so many burning questions; what happened to make her be this way? Can she ever be changed? What made her think with that kind of logic?

I didn't really pay attention, but I hope that this isn't a one shot 'cause I'd really like to see where this story is going. In so short few of words you managed to describe the character's personality, describe who she is, how she thinks, her views on life, everything. You've got talent, I shall say. Good job.

yourKonstantine chapter 1 . 12/30/2009

I love your opening line. It really hooks you and throws you straight into the action. How could you not read on after that? "They tried, at least,"-I like that a lot, it foreshadows the rest of the piece.


Strangely enough, the ending both gives a sense of closure and, like, there's something more. It fits well with the rest of the piece and allows the reader to reflect on what they've just read. I think it also leaves you open to continue this, if you wanted to.


With what little dialogue there actually is, it gives you a definite sense of the characters. While we really don't know anything except that there is a girl (the 'terminal girl') and the person she is in a relationship with, those few lines of dialogue reveal their characters. "Keep all your dreams silver..."-I love that line. The color association, and how her partner thinks it's nonsense, and yet it still makes an impression on him/her.


The writing style is generally pretty good-it fits well with the pacing of the piece and just the mood it creates. Your language is nice and not favorite line is "Her stormy sea eyes flashing at me, calculating." That is awesome!


All in all, a very enjoyable piece. Suspenseful and fast-paced. It's a nice study of some completely unstudy-able character, and the effect she has on the people who love her. I wish there were more pieces like this. :)

A really nice piece! Good work!
so i sing to the stars chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
This was seriously awesome. For real. I'm putting some of your lines in my favorite quotes file because I still don't fully understand it but there is just so much said in this short story and you left so much up in the air and all of it worked. For me, anyway.

Super good job on this one, buddy. :)
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