|Reviews for Black Eyes|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/21/2010
Due to the title and then some of the more violent themes, I'm going to take a guess that the meaning has something to do with an abusive relationship, or at least in part, violence against women. If it isn't, than I am at a loss, but I do like the meaning I was able to draw out of it. Poetry's always fun that way.
I like how you started strong, but then second guessed within in the first line as if the speaker is correcting themselves by saying "no, memorize me" instead of the "hypnotize" and I thought that had a great effect for a first line. Loved the use of "ultraviolet"-just re-learning the color spectrum and everything in my Astronomy course, so I just sort of correlated it with a more violent light, since it's harmful to humans. Plus, the use of "violet" and the juxtaposition of it with the theme of "violent" is kind of cool. Not sure if it was intentional but I will pretend it was, XD.
I liked the way you also formatted this first stanza with actually sentences-or at least, short fragments of thoughts. It gave the poem a great rhythm that I didn't expect. Liked the flinching image in "aim to blast her from the skies", it was strong and the use of the verb "blast" was unique. I definitley got this idea of shooting down dreams too, so more than just physical but also mental disappointment.
Like the way you went from describing "red" and then to "a flood of blood", that was a good line transition and it had a wonderful fluidity to it. Then you give this image of the "cup from Lethe" and after the stanza with blood it was certainly a darker image to create as well. And then of course, the last two lines of the first stanza were pretty brilliant. Loved the wordplay there with "vial of vile" and all the alliterations you compacted into just those lines, also the internal rhyme was well executed and a big part of this piece.
Great last line, it was a snappy finish and cut all the swimming images and rhymes and wording abruptly to a close.
| Moon Ribbons chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
Realy great. The rhythm is good.
| drink me pretty chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Wow, the rhyme scheme, alliteration, and assonance in this piece are stunning. The words are enticing in themselves, the way they blend and run into each other, creating meaning out of seemingly fragmented parts. Great work.
| bluewitness chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
The allure of sin is what brings us to destruction.
Your alliteration is addictive and rhythmic; a great piece here.
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
this had a nice flow to it, almost nursery rhymey