Oh my goodness. Middle of August, please please please update. I want to know what happens with Luce, and the smut u promised (:P) and for lily to tell Luce and rune about the old guy. The rewrite can wait, u have fans waiting :P

It’s the little things in a novel which really make it shine, and make it memorable. You have done an excellent job in this aspect. An example of these “little things” would be Lily’s realisation of the magic that is used to manipulate the bard’s singing, which is emphasised through her excitement to hear the woman sing, and the disappointment she feels when she realises the fake nature of her “talent.” I loved how the ward temporarily ruined Lily and Aislynn’s phone call, and how we learn Lucien was once a pirate. I honestly pay more attention to these small things in a novel as I want to be able to hold onto specific details after I finish it.

Moving onto Lucien and Lily’s relationship, and in particular my thoughts on it. I believe Lucien calling her after three weeks to ask her what she was wearing was a very “Lucien” thing to do. I found it humorous, and the simple fact that she mentioned it had been three weeks, in my opinion, shows that she cares and misses his company. Maybe I’m reading too much into the small gesture, but you handled the “confrontation” nicely, which is good, as it is very important part due to it being their first meeting in the novel.

I believe that her fussiness over what she is to wear to their date also illustrates Lily’s care for their relationship, despite the dislike for him that she so desperately clings onto. To answer one of your author’s note questions, I like non-well behaving Lucien, which is why I liked their date when at the Lion’s Den. Lucien states, “"What are you talking about? This place is a great, minus the creatures here and there that might chomp on bits of your soul."” Which was so in-character and such a great line that I couldn’t help but grin. The dancing scene was such a joy to read, because for once Lily seemed genuinely happy. I liked how you described Lucien’s dancing, as seemingly foolish, but graceful all the same, which really allowed me to picture him. This paragraph, “I knew it was Lucien who caught me the second his hands touched my skin…” contained such great description of Lucien’s obsession and feelings for Lily, and was written in a way that really did everything but straight up tell me, “Lucien likes Lily.” I could read it over and over and enjoy it each time.

Kris’ warning and later on Rune’s warnings about Lucien not only woke Lily up, but me, too. I’m not sure if every reader feels this way, but I was falling into Lucien’s allure, and all I wanted was for Lily to enjoy their dates, even though she was in such danger during basically every one, that I forgot how dangerous, carefree and hugely opposite he was to Lily.

Moving away from Lucien for a moment, Lily and Constance’s confrontation really made me happy that she had finally stood up to her, but I was still a little disappointed when she continued to be nice to her. Which is very much in character for Lily, however I cannot help feel disappointed as I hugely dislike Constance because she’s so fake.

To answer another authors note question, I find how classes interact with each other intriguing, however sometimes the history classes can become a little boring, because there is so much raw information to intake. I find myself wishing that Lily will do something crazy like blurt out all of her knowledge about the Sovereign or Lucien will crawl out from under a desk. I’m being silly though, as it would be largely unrealistic.

I enjoy Rune, but I’ve become so accustomed to Lucien because we know so much more about him, even though he’s being made out to be the bad guy. He is half spirit wolf, so I can assume that he does not want to lose the last of his kind, Lily, by betraying her in any way. Rune, I feel, is not as strong of a character compared to Lucien’s allure. At this point in time, I still wish for Lily to end up with Lucien, as it just seems more “right.” Spirit wolf with spirit wolf, regardless of their other halves. Also, "The only words he needs to understand from me is 'yes' and 'don't stop.'" Really put into perspective Rune’s appearance, as I’d never really thought of how he actually looked like before, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

The scene with the restricted books and Lily getting shot, well, it was rather confusing. It felt rushed, and at first I didn’t even know what had happened. I didn’t even realise that the old woman had jumped in front of her and got shot, and Lily was still shot in the head.(?) To be honest I’m still not sure. I reread it and definitely makes more sense, I must have been so caught up in the moment, however Aislynn does mention that Lily was shot in the head, so did the bullets travel through and hit her as well?

The rebellion in the Night City was so refreshingly amazing to read. After all of the oppression in both the Night City and Lily’s home, it was great to read about some revolutionary activities. I can only imagine what the consequences will be however. I was glad that Lily tried to help Lucien when he was being held down by the magic infested baton, and did not want to leave him, further showing her care for him.

In the end, it’s difficult to comment on the novel in a whole when it is not finished, but as of right now Lucien and Lily’s relation is improving, and I’m glad that it is in a way that is in character for the both of them. The storyline is developing nicely, and you’re constantly keeping my interest, making me want to read more, which is ultimately what you hope to achieve.

I hope that you end up being able to find an agency and publish this series, and one day I that I’m able to find these novels on the bookshelf of my local library. Best of luck!

This and your first story have always been my favorites on fictionpress, so I am very happy to see that you are still working on it. I understand the challenges of time though, as I am working on my Master's myself.

A very good chapter, with just a few spelling and grammar issues that I noticed, but that's not my area of expertise. It was a very good look into vampire politics and I also find her ability to break spells very intriguing. It makes me wonder what else she will be able to do, as she grows stronger.

Good luck with getting the first book published. I look forward to getting a copy whichever route you choose.

Of course I'm still here to read my favourite story on fictionpress! Looking forward to the next chapter. I hope it's not far off.

Wow that was awesome! When is Lily going to tell lucien she's engaged? and what about rune? gahh such a good plot! My only complaint would be if you get slave of heaven published there will be less time for this and that would suck, because i really really love your books! keep writing (quickly) haha

thank you so much for the update, i genuinely enjoyed it and look forward to the next!

Please don't make get marry that awful old dude. I really love your story, please update soon

I just love your story. The characters are so diverse and expounded and it is just beautiful and the flow of the story is just right. I would like to know more about Aislynn and her intentions. I'm not sure whether she might betray Lillith or she might...just BETRAY her! She seems suspicious...

Also, for such a prim, proper, manners-and-propriety-is-oh-so-important society, the Nephilims seem to love touching. Or is that just in secret?

I would love to see more of Alec though. I'm still hoping that although it would be downright incestual, Lillith and Alec will someday have a little... happening.

Keep it up and update more!

mate, if i was a publisher, i'd take you on in a heartbeat. awesome chapter. you describe the action scenes flawlessly. i hope to read more soon! ;)

As always, this update totally kept me on my reading feet; there was so much excitement in this chapter with the rebellion. I love how Lucien handled the head priest's insults towards the warriors. I also found it very interesting that the priest knew of Lucien being half Wolf? I'm guessing that's what he meant in saying, "I will always be twice the Vampire you are." Ahh, I just love Luce's character; he's like a breath of fresh air whenever he makes an appearance. I'm surprised though that Lilth hasn't even told Aislynn that she's engaged.

So, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. I mean, who doesn't love some good ol' smut? Especially if it's "really really good smut." And, I'm guessing and hoping that it involves our favorite vampire. I mean, Rune is nice and all, but I'm always going to be rooting for Lucien even if I don't completely agree with his philosophy on life- the whole live in the now, screw the future thing, well I can't help but side with Lilth on that disagreement.

Oh! And I think I'm starting to see that part of the story's summary about how the undead want to use Lilth for their own devices. I mean, if she can make any magic immune, maybe some vampires are going to want to start a new war with the Nephilium eh?

Can't wait for the next update! Even though I feel really selfish and ungrateful in saying this, I hope it comes quicker, especially because there's a promise of smut, lol. But, good luck with your teaching program! I actually just finished my undergrad with my certificate for secondary education and am just starting to send my resume out to schools. But, if you need someone to vent to over the stresses of teaching, let me know because that's where I was during my entire final semester this spring :P Also, you got a tattoo? That is so cool; what is it of?

-Dramalover21

yes I am still here very much awaiting your next update! :) I love your story and hope you get published someday!

Sooooo excited that a new chapter's coming in! Thank you! :)

third hunger games book is even better than the second...as you'll find the second one a bit dragged after the first one... :P

(let me know if u cry like i did when katniss talks to d ugly cat about her sister in d third one )

PS: ACTUALLY dying to read on further...i miss lily...

So excited for the next chapter, I know it will be worth the wait!

Decided to check for an update and i got so excited to see chapter ten, and i was just about to call my friend... must postpone this moment for another two weeks. i can't wait for their next date and some more about luce, although i do like rune. keep writing!