Reviews for Changehood 2: A Man Responsible for Others
HasuHeart chapter 34 . 12/7/2010
Love it and will keep loving it and i sure hope u dont kill off any more charecters or i will be one sad/angry reader!
The-Angel-Illusion chapter 34 . 6/18/2010
wow i love your story. The characters are interesting, the plot is amazing, and the writing style is awesome. Yeah. Fantastic story.
Sea Turtles chapter 34 . 3/24/2010
This was an interesting chapter. I am glad that he went with Riley. Even though nothing spectacular happened in terms of action, this was a good read.

You are very talented in conveying your characters' thoughts to your readers. I hope that you do keep on writing. I look forward to reading more about Patrick and Riley.

Suggestion(s):

- "Never?" Riley said somewhat skeptically. (...Riley asked...)
Sea Turtles chapter 33 . 3/24/2010
What a downer.

Suggestion(s):

- One of them quit before even met on the first day for training, so he was immediately down to three. (...quit before they even met...)

- "How did I know you were going to say that?" Patrick said as he held out his hand for the ring. (...Patrick asked...)

- "Still, you seem weirdly surprised." (...seem oddly surprised.")

- "Isn't there?" Lica said. (...Lica asked.)

- "It's not exactly forgettable, is it?" he said. (...he asked.)

- "What would we even name the kids, really?" (I don't think you need "really")

- "Is this what keeps you up at night?" Patrick said skeptically, and Lica shrugged embarrassedly. (...Patrick asked...)

I wonder what happened :-( .
Sea Turtles chapter 32 . 3/24/2010
This chapter was cute. It's a side of Patrick I don't think I've ever seen. I thought this scene was well-written. It almost felt like I was reading something else, but that's not a bad thing. I believe that the characters showed an appropriate amount of difference in behavior when trying to confess to each other. Romance isn't my thing, but I still enjoyed reading this.

Suggestion(s):

- She explored it ten years ago, always especially diligent when it comes to basically everything and nearly always came to conclusions before he did. (this was a bit difficult to follow. Perhaps you could try re-wording it?)

- "You said 'I don't know,'" she reminded him. ("You said, 'I... maybe?)
Mystical-River chapter 6 . 3/23/2010
Good stuff so far. I am just starting to get confused with all these new characters sudden;y coming into play. Hopefully I will learn more about the important ones, right?
Mystical-River chapter 1 . 3/23/2010
Wow, very intense first chapter. I am somewhat confused. Is Patrick some sort of superhuman or something, because what he did after sustaining such injuries, let alone staying alive, was a bit hard to accept. I'm all for suspending my disbelief, it's fantasy, but still. Otherwise, it was a good start. I think I'll read some more.
me chapter 32 . 3/22/2010
this chapter makes me so happy. patrick and riley are my own personal jim and pam.
Sea Turtles chapter 31 . 3/18/2010
Good for you, Alexander! This was quite a revealing chapter. Yay for character development :-D ! I expected no less from you. Patrick becoming a teacher? I didn't see that one coming. It really does seem to fit him. I'm quite happy with the turn of events.

The conversation between Patrick and Alexander was a great touch.

My favorite line this chapter:

"You were an ugly kid and an ugly teenager," Alexander decided.

Bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha! I love it!
Sea Turtles chapter 30 . 3/17/2010
Wow, this was a bit unexpected, but I'm happy all the same. I'm very glad that Blake and Apple took the time to remember those who weren't able to be there on their wedding day. That's very respectful of them. I also couldn't believe that Patrick was Blake and Apple's best friend. Wow.

I laughed when Patrick was put on the spot. Poor Patrick, lol!

Suggestion(s):

- He admired her ability to express herself so outwardly, something which Patrick had been actively working towards ever since his attempted suicide, an event very few people knew about to the point in which Patrick imagined Apple hadn't even told her husband. (...working toward... You already stated that few people knew about his attempted suicide. You don't need to keep re-stating this fact. I think you could just end the sentence at "suicide.")

- "I do?" Patrick said. (...Patrick asked.)

Apple, who talks about their first kiss in front of their newlywed spouse? Isn't that just awkward? *shakes head*
Sea Turtles chapter 29 . 3/17/2010
I feel really sad after reading this. You do a good job of sharing your characters' emotions with the reader. I feel regret and also some relief. The last little bit in the letter was worth it. I really hope that someone can read it to Alexander one day.

The scene with Patrick and Dani was cute :-) . Good job with this chapter!
Sea Turtles chapter 28 . 3/17/2010
This seemed like it's almost a confession, but not quite. Very awkward. It's good that Riley and Patrick were able to talk about how they felt about each other. I'm glad they talked. It looks like they will continue to be close friends.

Suggestion(s):

- "What doesn't?" Riley said, tensing up immediately. (...Riley asked...)

- "Really?" Riley said cheerfully. (...Riley asked...)

Now that we've touched base with everyone, you're going to stir things up again right? After all, Patrick is now in Aaron's territory and it doesn't sound like he's leaving. Maybe he'll meet Aaron himself.
Sea Turtles chapter 27 . 3/17/2010
This left the two men at the table now looking at each other in an awkward sort of manner, like they thought maybe they should be staring the other down, but neither had any intention of doing so.

LOL! Wow, they are really similar to each other. This amused me.

Suggestion(s):

- Sarella took Daniel by the arm and led him down a pathway that ran down the middle of a quaint little neighborhood with small houses lining each side. (Sarella took Patrick...)

- "You are?" Patrick said. (...Patrick asked.)

- Patrick ordered all the bugs in the area to back off, and Daniel thanked him whole heartedly as he dug the hole a little deeper. (...thanked him whole-heartedly...)

- "This one's ours up here," said Sarella as she picked up the ends of her skirt and quickened her pace going towards and ordinary house built in between two other ordinary houses. (...going toward an ordinary...)

- "You kept track?" said Sarella, looking content. (...asked Sarella...)

- "What?" Patrick said. (...Patrick asked.)

- "Are you boys thirsty?" said Sarella as she appeared in the doorway. (...asked Sarella...)

- "Are you happy?" Daniel said in a very serious tone as soon as Sarella had gone back inside. (...Daniel asked...)

I really, really liked this chapter. I really, really liked this chapter. Yes, I really, really liked this chapter.
Sea Turtles chapter 26 . 3/17/2010
Ashleigh's a bit spastic, ha, ha, ha. She spilled the beans on herself. Maybe she doesn't like the Sheperd guy, but saying that doesn't really help matters. At least she got Patrick to admit that he's going to see Riley.

Suggestion(s):

- "What else would make someone want to go to someplace as out of balance as Lica?" said Ashleigh with a sigh. (asked Ashleigh...)

- "What's that supposed to mean?" she said in an accusatory tone. (...she asked...)

- "So what?" Patrick said. (...Patrick asked.)
Sea Turtles chapter 25 . 3/17/2010
I'm glad we're able to meet Riley's mother. She sure speaks her mind, doesn't she? I did find this part to be a bit confusing though:

-

"Months now," Mrs. McMannis sighed. "At least. I wish the whole thing would just be done for good. I want peace again. I hardly need to speak to you about this, Patrick. Sorry, I meant no offense."

"Offense?" Patrick said, looking over his shoulder. He didn't know what she meant by it, but he decided to shrug it off. "Peace would be ideal. Then we wouldn't need Changes at all."

-

Did Patrick hit the nail on the head? Was what Mrs. McMannis said insinuating that she wished that there were no Changes? I didn't get it. That's what I'm assuming.

-

"So, Patrick, do you ever have any plans on visiting Riley when she's actually here at home? Or do you have some sort of hefty plot that avoids seeing her at all costs?"

-

Wow. Let's get straight to the point! Way to go mom! I like how she just jumped right in. She can be somewhat intimidating.

Suggestion(s):

- "Aren't you hot in this big thing?" Mrs. McMannis said as she took his coat and hung it up on a clothes hanger in a closet by the door. (...Mrs. McMannis asked...)

- She lived her only as a little girl. She's having a hard time transforming the room in a teenage girl's living space. (...lived her life only as...)

- "At the end of the month, there is a train going from Ursa to Lica to drop off supplies. A man of your talent and connections should easily be able to get on that train and been there in just a night." (...train and be there in just one night.")

-

"No, I mean emotionally. I don't want her to come home hurt again."

Mrs. McMannis's tone was not violent or angry, but there was a hint of resentment. Patrick only nodded to avoid controversy and allowed her to continue with the dinner preparations.

-

I take it that she's upset because she knows that Patrick has not accepted Riley's feelings for him.

There were a lot of awkward moments in this chapter. This is good. Patrick is still being true to his character.
60 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »