Reviews for Changehood 2: A Man Responsible for Others
Sea Turtles chapter 7 . 1/15/2010
Wow, that's a shock. I wonder what happened to Clay. I bet it's hard on Ross too. Will he be the next leader?

Suggestion(s):

- It was dark and small; the only light available was coming from the small window in the door and the illuminated the hallways. (...the door as the same light illuminated... It's a bit awkward, I know)

- “Look what you’ve got yourself into.” (...you've gotten yourself...)

So Riley snuck in? That's kind of funny. I wonder what Patrick's plan is.
Sea Turtles chapter 6 . 1/15/2010
Wow. So he did end up asking Blake after all. I thought for sure that he would not since they didn't get along so well. It seems like they're getting better at this whole "working as a team" thing :-) .

Suggestion(s):

- The other group, which consisted of everyone else going into investigate while Riley sat behind to babysit, had been gone for almost a third day and, when that happened, it meant it was time for action. (...everyone else, had gone in to investigate...babysit. They had been gone...day, and when...)

- Riley began to urge her not to ask, but this only made Ashleigh’s curiosity and, by default, pestering grow to a new level. (...curiosity, and by default...)

- Patrick looked at the messy girl he didn’t like very much but, suddenly, she became much more humanized; as if she could relate to him on every level. (...very much, but suddenly, she...)

- She’s selfish and manipulative. (...manipulative.")

- Apple pulled herself up as well and, within a few seconds, the trio was gone, hopefully to find safety. (...well, and within a...)

Ahh! You can't just end it on that note :-p ! I must read the next chapter, lol.
Sea Turtles chapter 5 . 1/15/2010
O...suspense! I think Hannah is Shaun's wife, right? I'm guessing that she got kidnapped as well? I don't know what's happening, but it feels like a conspiracy :-) . I wonder who Patrick will select. I'm thinking Apple. Maybe also Ronin?

Suggestion(s):

- “We’re going to go to the Shadow Change and see if we can get any specific information out him now that we know what we’re looking for,” Clay replied. (...information out of him...)

I enjoyed reading this chapter :-D .
Sea Turtles chapter 4 . 1/15/2010
Man, I bet this was difficult for both of them. Every couple goes through it though. I'm glad you were able to capture it. Anne has a good point. I am leaning in favor of them breaking up (what am I saying?). Such things are rarely simple.

Suggestion(s):

- Because the only reason why your father made you quit was because he was you wearing a Second Level vest in his vision so he thought that if you did not get promoted then you would never wear the jacket. (...because he saw you wearing...)

- Forget a brought it up, okay? (Forget I brought...)

It's only going to get harder for Patrick, isn't it?
Sea Turtles chapter 3 . 1/15/2010
I think that's the most I've read about Mr. Leary. You really captured that it was difficult for Patrick to talk about his father. It seems like there's still a lot of resentment even though he's more or less come to terms with his father and his bugs. That's the feeling I'm getting.

I don't believe that I've seen Patrick so flustered in such a short amount of time. This is quite different from his discourse with Blake. Alexander seems to be a good match. He's straightforward and blunt, just like Patrick. I like that about him. Patrick will have to think twice before taking action.

It's great that Alexander had the opportunity to work with Mr. Leary. I'm really hoping that this will really test Patrick's abilities. I'm also looking forward to reading what creative ways you've come up with for Patrick to use his bugs. In my mind, I see Patrick teaching a beetle karate, ha, ha, ha.

Suggestion(s):

- He presented this information in a very straightforward manner that was intimidating Patrick. (...intimidating to Patrick...)

Great chapter. Be hard on him Alexander! Don't take any crap ;-p .
Sea Turtles chapter 2 . 1/15/2010
Poor Riley :-( . I do believe she loves him and trying not to let jealousy get the better of her. I love the chemistry between Patrick and Riley :-) . I really liked this moment that you captured:

“Clearly,” he responded.

“Still sarcastic though,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“Please make fun of me more. I don’t think I’ve taken enough abuse quite yet.”

“Stop playing the victim card.”

This is great!

Suggestion(s):

- The hole in his chest and back had been, quite unusually, not too serious. (...had been not too serious, unusually enough. This sentence was awkward for me to read. I think it broke the flow a little bit.)

- “Why?” said Patrick. (...asked Patrick.)

- “Clay thinks she looks liked of Haart-ish so maybe they made a mistake and took her by accident, thinking she was from that family.” (...looks kind of Haart-ish...)

- “You have a problem with the Haarts or something?” Riley said, looking somewhat amused. (...Riley asked...)

- “Staring off into space?” Patrick said. (...Patrick asked.)

My favorite phrase this chapter:

"He would not lose the war to her and refused to speak first."

Ha, ha, ha! I love it :-) !
Airblade64 chapter 3 . 1/12/2010
Good chapter! After that scrap with those two enemy Changes back in chapter one, it's good to see Patrick back on his feet. And training under Alexander, no less. I like Alex (pardon the abbreviation). Even without his sight he's just as cool as before, and I also appreciate the fact that he can be effective despite his injuries, yet still be genuinely hampered by them the way normal people would be.

In this case, he had to step down from his leadership position and was nearly driven to suicide. In my opinion, that shows forethought and good character sense. Conversely, it bugs me when authors throw in character flaws that are purely cosmetic, having little or no actual impact on the story or the afflicted character at hand.

Just wanted to point that out. I'm always a fan of intelligent storytelling.

As one reader mentioned in an earlier review, it was neat to learn more about Patrick's dad. Especially the fact that he was way higher in the ranks than was previously thought.

I really like it when you insert a twist just when I least expect it:

"Yes," said Patrick. "I have four."

"Four bugs?" Alexander said. "Your father only used one."

"So I’ve heard."

"So choose one and send the rest away."

I had to do a double take at that point. It wasn't a huge deal, but it surprised me. I was thinking - "No way, did he really just say that? Those are his bugs!" At any rate, this was a good exchange of dialogue between Alex and Patrick.

Sounds like Patrick is about to take a pounding. If what he and Riley were doing before was just playful banter, I'm a bit worried to find out what Alexander has in store for him.

Oh yeah, and the last three lines made me grin.

Nice work.

Airblade64
Sea Turtles chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
First off, I don't know of many deseperate boyfriends who would send an army of bugs to save a seat for him and his love (but I was highly amused by the fact that Patrick did it for Anne :-) ). Secondly, I am all sorts of curious about Xavier's condition. Third, I totally called that she would be wearing his Second Level jacket!

Suggestion(s):

- It was amazingly cheery again and the crowd immediately reacted and enjoyed. (...reacted and enjoyed themselves.)

- He felt as though it was meant to reflect into his own experiences. (...reflect itself into... - OR - ...reflect his own...)

- “Cooperate with what?” Patrick said calmly. (...Patrick asked calmly.)

- Instead of watching, Patrick threw a high kick in the air while Anne ducked and covered her ears. (You could just say that Patrick kicked the guy. I don't think you need "Instead of watching.")

- Patrick yelled out loud, though he had meant to communicate it to Frost. (...it to Frost only. - OR - ...communicate only with Frost.)

- The pain was deafening. (immense? Overwhelming? Unbelievable? Unfathomable?)

- A woman in charge of medicine lied Patrick down and applied direct pressure to his chest, which hurt immensely, but he knew it was helping so he tried not to struggle. (...medicine lay Patrick...)

Woo Hoo! Go get 'em Alexander! He may not be a leader, but he's not totally disabled. I'm glad that he was able to get a piece of the action. I wonder how he knew. He doesn't have super hearing or seeing anymore, right? I guess his ability to sense the prescence of others despite his injuries is still as good as ever.

I'm glad things ended relatively well. Anne's father is hiding something for sure. Maybe Alexander is too...
papaparazzi chapter 4 . 1/4/2010
What you've got here is a triumph of writing. It is written beautifully and I am thoroughly impressed. Very enjoyable.

Patrick is so honest and real in everything he says.

He says he loves her, but he immediately knows it's not true, so he goes back on it right away, apologizing.

i can tell this is really going to damage him.

hes been with anne for years! and he almost got himself killed trying to save her! god what's next.

Keep it up. I want to see what happens as a result of Patrick and Alexander's training sessions.
McFisticuffs chapter 4 . 1/4/2010
ANNE! YOU TRAMP! NO! BREAK PATRICK'S HEART,WILL YOU?

actually, no, it's okay. right? Because now patrick's free to fall in love with RILEY!

but it's still kind of awkward because patrick's 18 and riley's only 13...ok, we'll wait a few more years then. everyone just wait! it'll happen, i know it!
McFisticuffs chapter 3 . 1/4/2010
I like learning more about Alexander but i esp. liked learning abotu Patrick's dad. Even though there was only a little bit, i'm hoping we'll eventually learn more about this guy. Like father-like son...maybe patrick will someday end up on the Squad if he pulls himself together.

he's got the right attitude. but where's anne? Doesnt' she see all the hard work Patrick's going through just for her?

Patrick's Dad the MASTER! Do we know patrick's dad's name? Do we know his mom's name? hm...
McFisticuffs chapter 2 . 1/4/2010
yah! Alexander was always one my favorites. i was almost jizzing in my pants when he showed up in the previous chapter. he's like daredevil except ten times better because he's... i don't know. he's basically a supped up ninja.

I can't believe riley is 13 tho. That really caught me off guard. Patrick always sees her as OLDER? She always seems kind of younger to me. Like she'll always be that six year old in the woods. cute. I know theyll end up together, they just have to!
me chapter 2 . 12/30/2009
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Riley is in lvoe with patrick! but we all knew that. What aobut Anne though?

AND MOM! Patrick will always be a mamma's boy.
me chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
yes! alexander was my favorite in the previous one. he's still a badass.
papaparazzi chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
great way to start part 2. I was just thinking today and i was like: what, patrick's really already 17? so strange!

but so much for that birthday party.

patrick's so devoted to Anne.

ALEXANDER? did not see that coming (no pun intended)

I get the feeling this event will rule part 2 like an overarching thing.

what about riley, tho? she'll come back too, wont she?
60 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4