Reviews for Devil's Whore
Candyfloss Victim chapter 4 . 1/9/2010
Hi, about you're story. I think it has a lot of potential if you can develop it a bit more. there are several problems with it that are easily corrected, and please don't take it personally or anything! First off, you need to proof read your chapters before you put them up, because you miss words out of sentences and some of your grammar is questionable. Also, your chapters are quite short, I understand that if you're not siure where you want it to go then it can be hard to write long and detailed chapters. If I have trouble with that I usually write a plan before I do, it sounds boring but it works quite well.

Sorry if you take this the wrong way, it's meant to be constructive not horrible or anything like that! Good luck with the writer's block, don't give in to it otherwise you'll never get round to doing anything. I'd suggest for the next chaoter maybe getting to know Jeff a bit better. You could also introduce a love interest for her, who she obviously can't have because she belongs to the Devil.

thanks for an interesting read!

-Nat
emotionsareoverrated chapter 4 . 1/8/2010
heres an idea for your story let them be seperated for a while until she finds that she is a little late and her stomache is getting a little bigger. the have it where she goes and tracks him down. after that i have no clue about what will happen
HelgaBertoni chapter 3 . 12/31/2009
Loved it! Update soon!
scarletfleur chapter 3 . 12/31/2009
i think your chapter's are good, but you should read them through again to prevent mistakes (grammatical and spelling) coming through. also, i think you need to make your chapter's a bit more descriptive (but not too much, it is 1st person).

however, i do like the poems, it gives you an idea of what's gonna be happening, and how she's feeling. i don't think you went too fast because if you dragged out her stay with the devil, then it would have become boring, which it isn't! :)

lucky for her that she found someone so nice in NYC! btw, how old is she exactly?
HelgaBertoni chapter 2 . 12/30/2009
Good start, can't wait to see how the story turns out! Update soon!
scarletfleur chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
well this is interesting! it holds alot of potential! :)

maybe it could be like one of those you don't know how good you had until you lost it things? she could break away from the devil, do normal things and he could become jealous and follow her or something?

i don't know - it's your story! whatever you feel comfortable writing!

the poem's good. maybe this girl starts preferring lollipops to chocolate! :)
d e e e e l e e e e t e e d chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Aw thats gud.

I have no ideas tho.

Sorry :)
XScarletX chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
MORE PLEASE!