|Reviews for Waiting in the Wings|
| LilyWolfe chapter 3 . 1/14/2010
ok so i eat my words...a little more description here. but i'm pedantic! what colour are his eyes? what about his skin? is he tan? is he pale? is he black? what? doeshe have slender eyebrows or bushy ones...just points to consider.
how does she know he's not a dancer?
again, they conversation seems to want to jetski at dangerous speeds but we don't see it! very suspensful and frustrating(in a good way) and the same time! her mother sounds lovely...hehe.
| LilyWolfe chapter 2 . 1/14/2010
i like the bowling alley setting, i like that you described the other people in it,especially the elderly. they sound cool! Jared seems hot...perhaps a little more description. Zena seems tobe thetype of person that pays attention to detail so it would make sense that she notices detail too? also the conversation between her and Jared was smart and fun but it was a little short. i think there was room for a lot more banter, definitely if she was giving her number to him. there is a definite spark between them but it lacked a bit of the connection maybe? (notsaying it was a bad chapter, just giving points of improvement if you wanted to edit)
also "..few steps, let go of the ball, hope that it makes it.." you're using present tense here when everything else is past. -hoped that it would make it-
still...great story so far!
| LilyWolfe chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
ooh, great 's very easy to follow, practically falls off the tongue when read. I like the details in Zena's thinking. the constant calculating of calories and food intake, makes it all too believable considering she's had an eating disorder and is a dancer. Ballet is hard work and this just goes to show itsnot just a hobby or a career it's a lifestyle. i like it!
| XInternetsXBitchX chapter 3 . 1/5/2010
Same problems I had with chapter two. But agian the only problems I could see. Its too jumpy and stop start. I do see a good story in there though so will wait patiantly for chapter four.
| XInternetsXBitchX chapter 2 . 1/5/2010
My two problems:
1)There is such a thing as too many describing words in one lot. The description should flow throughout and not be in bursts.
2)I know starting a new line at the end of speech is expected. But try not to start a new line at the end of every sentance. Some paragraphs would help make it flow better. Put sentances together and make them join.
These are the only problems I could see, hence my suggestion to get an editor, and other than that it was a pleasent and enjoyable read. On too chapter three.
| XInternetsXBitchX chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
it definatly has promise and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sending me the link as I had a bad day and was just in the mood for a good story. I recomend getting an editor (I do editing.) But the actual content, putting grammer and spelling aside, was very good.
'Putting the "Baller" in Ballerino! ... :D lol! so good.
Anyhow will move onto chapter two.
| rollinby chapter 2 . 1/2/2010
well.. seems interesting ... wanna see what u do with it
| surrendertomusic chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
Aha i can so relate. I'm a dancer too, and i kno wat u mean by "the few gay male ballet dancers" :P