|Reviews for Mom Called It Notsaliga, or Something|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
I liked the opening line because of the alliteration of "Sugar-glass Sunday", it drew me and also gave me a wonderful poetic image that stuck for the rest of the poem as far as flavor.
This poem is kind of different than other ones that you've written, I think, the subject itself is ordinary in a way that I think allows many of your readers to relate to it.
The speaker's voice is very nonchalant and I liked that. I also liked the little rules and that sort of theme with "We can't get your news shirt dirty before church" or "Mom used to tell me I was an early bird", things like that. Those were some great little moments. I'm not sure I fully understand who the speaker it talking to, at first I thought maybe a lover or a simple loved one. They're telling the reader about their Mother and Grandmother, and then perhaps about childhood. There's definitely nostalgia here and it's the main focus, I think the memories are realistic and reflect what a lot of people might think on about childhood-the rules, and the relaxing moments too.
I thought you did a good job creating dialogue and giving this poem characters, that was wise. Loved the image with the "Millelliom Falkins and Lite-savers" play... Oh! And the imagery with "munching on our own miniature Saturns", that was a favorite. Overall, liked this poem, liked the subject, well done!
| Nesasio chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
Okay, this is my first depth poetry review ever so we'll see how this goes...
Tone: I liked how you gave this a bit of a childlike voice with the use of words like Minelliom Falkins and a lot of emphasis on the little things in life. It really set the mood of the piece, that everything was taken as it came, with that touch of wonder in not quite knowing everything but still wanting to draw conclusions. I enjoyed it and thought it worked well for the topic.
Word Choice: The childlike perspective was really cool, but I was a little confused by it as well. There was a slight inconsistency in the descriptions in that the narrator couldn't say certain words, but still shot off words like quipped, leavened, and contentedly. At first I thought perhaps this was an adult looking back on childhood experience but the ending 'I think she tastes like doughnuts' sounds more like a slightly older child looking back. So I found it a little hard to stay with this at times, wondering how long ago this all happened for the speaker.
Subject/Images: I really enjoyed how this all tied together, with the specific little details from the speaker's past really enhancing the childlike wonder of the memories, and thus casting everything in the golden light of 'nostaliga'. It's something I've only started noticing now in my nephew that kids will remember in great detail the things adults often take for granted and put a lot of emotional emphasis on those moments. I thought you did a great job handling that. Like how the speaker ties grandma in with the taste of doughnuts, it felt realistic and got me thinking of similar moments in my own past. It was unique and yet still relatable which I really enjoyed.
Technical Aspects/Grammar/Flow: Okay, this one I'm not sure on exactly because I wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but I had trouble understanding this one section the first time I read it: "She'd come home from that green and white building/ down the street that I flew to every time she drove / with rings – good ones too; the gold kind, glazed and leavened." I liked the enjambment of the first and second line, but around the second line (particularly 'that I flew to every time she drove') I started to get confused where each related phrase ended and another began. This made it hard to follow because there are so many different images and plays on words in such a short time (I liked the use of gold rings for doughnuts and possibly the mom's jewelry(?)) that I couldn't get a solid idea what was being described.
Overall, I liked this. It was a sweet second look at childhood and had some really nice moments. :) Congrats on winning the WCC!
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
Haha it took me a while to figure out what "Nuhglasstija" was, but it definitely is something that a kid would do. It's something I totally would have done.
It starts out nicely with the sort-of-alliteration and the double Su Su renders it easy on the eyes (if you know what I mean) and the rhythm reminds me of a nursery/mnemonic rhyme.
The childish Star Wars reference was really cute, but "Lite-savers" first made me think of alcohol, then candy.
"green and white building"-Krispy Kreme? The doughnut part is somewhat vague unless the poem is read a couple times, but poems should always be read more than once anyway (tell that to most Fictionpress readers).
"Munching on our own miniature Saturns."-Like the beginning, it is both pleasing to see and say. How you chose to steer it into astrology worked as how a kid would be interested in space.
| JustAnotherNewbie chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
I liked the title. It reminded me that little children don't really care about things they don't know-they're content with the knowledge they have. And they're not afraid to say they don't know stuff.
I liked how each paragraph spoke about something different, but there was still a continuity in the whole thing, because
One thing I'm sort of confused about: the Milleniom Falkins and Lite-savers. What does that mean exactly? Is it Millennium Falcons and Light-Sabers?
Finally: Is this a good enough review for the review game? I hope it is.
| pbj13 chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
The title itself is wonderful. This strikes a nostalgic feeling, which is really nice. I like the refrence to Star Wars, and how the words are spelled like a kid would spell them. I love the love the last two lines the most, next to "Mom used to tell me-". Nice job.
| Moon Ribbons chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
Great. The ending made me giggle.
| Isca chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
"Can't get your new shirt dirty before church." I've always found this notion of presentability so mind-boggling. For those who believe in God, wouldn't God love you no matter whether you're wearing 'your Sunday best' or old, dirty rags?
"Mom used to tell me I was an early bird." I really like this line (although I can't pin-point why exactly). Perhaps its the nostalgic tone that strikes me so much.
"I think she tastes like doughnuts." Hah. Well, that's definitely not your "age-smelling" or "moth-ball" type of grandmother, now is it? :P
"Sometimes there were cardinals outside." Good. I always like it when writers create little impactful lines like this - they're quietly profound.
| Negasi chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
So unless I'm totally wrong I totally read into this a daydream about Star Wars :P
| bluewitness chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
This is a lovely little piece. It envokes a nice feeling of home...I especially liked the last two stanzas. The imagery is clear, and warm...comforting.
But "Lite-savers" - should that be "Life-savers"? The candy?