|Reviews for Guilty As Sin|
| ImmanenceEnsured chapter 1 . 8/27/2011
It's weird, but I like it very much
| plumblossom chapter 1 . 5/6/2010
Is this stand-alone? Because it kind of works as a oneshot, but it also seems more like a setup for Arthur's adventures in prison.
| complicatedshadows chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
On a one-man quest to revive the 'review the person before you' thread...
I found this breezily written, tightly paced, and fun, although there wasn't any sexual tension to the story. If you continue it at some point, I assume you plan to raise the stakes there? From scanning prior reviews, you had this previously written in 1st person; I feel like the excerpt posted in 1st was more successful. I'm curious why you changed it to third?
I feel like there was a bit too much awkwardly handled exposition at the start of the story, given how short it was. Should you rewrite, keep an eye out for that. Watch out for your 'he's, amidst dialogue, where you don't identify the character who 'he' is. Also, there were a couple of proofreading errors (ie, missing a period on 'right in the head' and the weirdness of 'anymore protests had against Ori would land him with severe repercussions'), but nothing that was too jarring.
Hope this is helpful! The review thread should live again, anyway.
| Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
What an interesting story!
I was grinning like an idiot at this part: “Yes!” I jumped a little giddily, and he smiled unsurely at me, kicking open the automatic door to the cockpit. I didn’t think it was such a good idea, because the two fragments of it broke from the door and landed with a thud inside. “Go cyborg-man!”
Very nice characters. Aw love love love.
| Kate Ashford chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
I hope you update this soon.