Reviews for Convoluted Empire
ZyggyGirl chapter 1 . 11/11/2010
You have a very unique and oddly beautiful writing style. It seems at first like a jumble of words, but it comes together wonderfully.

Keep up the good work!
mimzie101 chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
this is good please keep writing
Isca chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
"My mind is marinated." Like a piece of meat. This is a very creative idea.

"Makes me judge you as a man." Hmm. How thought-provoking.

The second stanza is ripe with diction: ubiquity, paraphenalia, stethoscope, auscultate, etc. I also liked your allusion to Gaia.

"Beatific dream." Beautiful.
BangxDitto chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
o.o

When I think marinate, I think meat.

This was amazing, and the BIG WORDS! oh my wow...your vocabulary is like...big. [Obviously that just proved mines...small].

Heart! ]
the prophet apathetic chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
I like the ideas you have here; they are many and unique, but their portrayal is a little wordy. It takes a lot of the emotion out of it for me.
nickyO chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Oh, I'm not going to even attempt to review this other than to say it's on my fav list. Great job Anna! :)
May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Intresting story. Keep up the great work.
Love.Is.Free chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Wow, you're right! They are similar! I like yours better, though :) This is really amazing.

Especially the bit about the stethoscope. Definitely my favourite part.
Mirabella chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
"ponder the purpose of your heartbeat" - i LOVE that line/idea! Lovely!
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Not sure how the phrase "my mind is marinated" is working here. Marinated is such a food-related word, it makes me think of a brain stewing in herbs and it's kind of weird. Plus the alliteration... it starts off less seriously than the poem actually turns out to be. :P

I love this part: "makes me judge you as a man / with the curiosity of a child" ... the juxtaposition of man and child is awesome. Plus it just works ;)

"Rest my head like a stethoscope" .. awesome. great image!

Auscultate? Is this a word? Hm apparently it is. I've never heard it before.

I didn't really like this poem. I liked your others way better (I'm aware I haven't read much of your work for, uhm, a very long time.. but yes). You used a lot of really big words... it seemed JUST for the sake of using really big words and less for aesthetic appeal. :( That combined with the massive run-on sentence... are there more than one? I think they're just one. Anyway... it is so hard to discern the meaning in all of that that it's hard to actually enjoy the poem. Some good points (which I noted) but overall, this didn't really work. :(

(Sorry I haven't been keeping up with your work - my email I had registered for fictionpress was the wrong one. I shall be keeping up now! :D)
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Remember—most Saviours end up in Calvary. Cheers, m.
Melanie Layugan chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
OMG. Wow. Amazing. Very profound. I'm speechless again!

Keep it up!
wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Haha, this is full of SAT words that I've been feeding myself... I liked the consistent tone here.

Btw I've noticed that you've been on here since 03 and you're 20.. so does that mean you created the account when you were 13? o_o must be so weird for you..
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
There are so many undercurrents in this poem, it's just incredible.

There is a current of idolizing. Whoever this lucky fellow is, I can tell you look up to him, and that you enjoy seeing him that light.

I also see the cute boyfriend/girlfriend, but there is a sensual side of it too.

Your vocabulary was almost too good... I had to look up like... Five words?

Good job.
Punslinger chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
This is very moving. I think most of us have been strangely attracted to someone who seems beyound our understanding and we wonder is he (or she) will ever respond. Then youe final line ties it all up: "...I get the vibe that your real self craves to be recognized."

Good stuff.