Reviews for Life as a Broken Doll
steffxnie chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
Another lovely piece! I love the second stanza! 'She's choking on the dust.' Wow, nice personification there.

Good 'clockwork heart' idea too, it fits in perfectly. As for your author note on the last stanza, I think it's fine. It has a nice effect because the last thing which is presented is the emptiness. Good work. Keep it up! :)
LostInMe chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
I just realized I spelled "affects" the wrong way! I can't correct my review there but I just wanted to let you know that I do know the difference between "effect" and "affect". Sorry, it's just that I can't stand spelling things wrong - it really embarrasses me.
LostInMe chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
"The metal stand that keeps her strong

Is crumbling with rust."

I like how you have the metal stand all rusty - it shows that when she wastes away, it effects the things around her, or supporting her, as well.

I love the "hollow chill" you mentioned in the third stanza.

The meter is excellent, like in all your pieces.

Really beautiful poem!

(As for the last stanza, it seemed a little weak when I first read it, but I only noticed it because you'd pointed it out. Then I read it aloud and it disappeared - the ending seemed nice and strong. So I don't think it needs changing.)
Isca chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
"There's a dolly on my shelf." The word "dolly" makes this line very chilling.

"Stunning, yet so weak." Fascinating.

"She used to hold a clockwork heart." An excellent line. Very creative.
Peachesandcream15 chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
:)

"She's choking on the dust," Conveys such neglect and lonliness. My favourite lines are still "There’s nothing left beneath her eyes, But the hollow chill of doubt." And the ending is so powerful.

Beautiful dearest.

A x
lookin4nemo chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
o i love it! the only thing i hav eto say is that the syllables are off sumtime. you no the flow. but other wise BEAUTIFUL. and the last stanza seems pretty good to me
sarainya fish chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
loves, and the last stanza is still good honey. wish i could write rhymng thingies :(

x