|Reviews for Mimed!|
| Amiigan chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
This gave me a good chuckle. It could have used some description, and I saw some typos here and there, but not too bad. The imaginary fight was the best, I half expected someone to pull out real weapons, but nope. Hilarious.
| Frap chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
Okay I had typed this whole long thing and it disappeared, so in synopsis, Check your tenses and make sure you stay either in Present tense like you start off or in past tense which you jump to a lot as well.
The other thing is just a bit more description so we can get a better feeling for what is around us and the whole erie feeling of the town.
The ninja bodyguard fight was too funny. I could hear the "Everybody was kung fu fighting" song playing in my head. Good job with details there so just add a little in the beginning.
The finding of the real mime was so crazy it really had me laughing but dude...SERIOUSLY?
Those village idiots give a new name to village idiots...Stupid was written over all of their forheads but great job is written on yours.
Just give it a bit more details here and there. This was really funny.
| Hokuto Uchiha chapter 1 . 3/3/2011
I liked this story a lot :) It made me laugh. I was surprised to find out that the mime was just playing a joke, and he never thought anyone would take it seriously.
| Mandisaurus-rex chapter 1 . 1/28/2010
Hey there! I'm just returning your review on my story with a few on some of yours! )
Hahaha, this is hilarious xD. I loved the pretend fighting scene, it really made me laugh. The dialogue at the beginning was great, it really conveys to the reader about the characters, but you're doing the dialogue wrong. For example, "Alright you can go, he lives just outside of the village, near the barn" You always forgot put in the period before the closing quotation. So, it should be "Alright you can go, he lives just outside of the village, near the barn." It's realy a minor mistake, and heck, I didn't even notice until halfway through the story. There's some other spots besides in the dialogue too, where you forgot a period. Ah, what the heck, I'll point them out.
-Then there's awkward silence (missing a period, also doesn't really make sense. should be an 'an' between there's and awkward)
-"Where does he live?" I said (period after said)
-As I was about to leave, a notice a photo on top of a drawer. (after the comma, 'a' should be 'I')
-"That's my gran dad, 30 years ago he was a policeman until he went to investigate a disappearance of a little girl, but it turns out to be a setup and he was burned in a wicker man" (after gran dad the comma should be a period, and 30 should definetly be thirty, missing a period after man)
-My stomach turned (haha, can you guess? lol, a period missing)
-"Was something done?" I asked (after asked, a period)
-Just as I was ready to leave, I also said "You know, it's best if you stop watching 'Wicker Man', it's bad for your mind" (after I also said there should be a comma I think...man am I picky...)
But then after that, the fight scene was good I think. Sorry for the long review and the nit-picking P. I really did enjoy the story!
| lalapop chapter 1 . 1/7/2010