|Reviews for An Extreme Exit Strategy|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 8/26/2010
I think the strongest parts of this piece are the ending lines, it really summed everything up together rather nicely, and it was quite poetic too, so well placed. I'm talking specifically about the last three lines.
I don't remember what the prompt was for Jan. which confuses me because I'm not sure why I haven't read this before, XD. But ah well, I'm here now anyway, and I liked the simplicity of this scene. It's only two characters in a library setting, so very simple, but then you've filled it with some great dialogue and really exercised that. You can tell a really good story without getting wrapped up in too much description or too many details. That being said, I also liked how the two characters were basically in solitude, focusing on one another. Your descriptions didn't go far from the two characters-I think once, to the librarian shushing them, but you take care to describe the character's facial expressions and reactions, etc. and this was a great little exchange between two people.
Also common, as well-I feel like you're pointing out a well occurring conversation in any Uni student's history. I pretty much get this same way every time I'm freaking out about a deadline, haha. And though at the end she resolves to stay and power through it, those three lines really bring in dimension that it isn't just a happy, perfect world, or at least-they so well sum up your character analysis of Ianthe, and what sort of person she is. Augh, this piece makes me dread my upcoming semester. To procrastinate my papers, I should just read this, XD. I already know it's going to happen, hahaha.
| Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 4/6/2010
Payback from WRR:
The interaction between Ianthe and Seb is very believable. Ianthe was incredibly melodramatic, but that's okay. I like her like that, because I can relate to her. Her reactions are outrageous, but I had to smile, because I've been in her shoes too many times before.
I love the little details you put into the work that make it feel more real. The written interaction says a lot about the characters. Like: [She overshot a fraction, and grazed Seb's thumb with her nail. He didn't complain, and she didn't apologize.] These little actions help make your characters feel so much more human and real. I really enjoyed those.
I think you have a tendency to pack too much description into one sentence in some places. For example:
[His naturally grim mouth was set in a thin lipped line, and from beneath the shaggy blond hair that hung down to his wide, flat cheekbones, the look of finality in his eyes was unmissable.]
There just feels like there's too much there. It's jam-packed! Personally, I feel it would read smoother if it were spread out into another sentence or two.
I love this line: [Seb's world had an Ianthe shaped hole, with only an outline of her shape to ever suggest she was there in first place.] It's a bit dramatic, I think, for Seb's character. Especially since Ianthe isn't dead. But the line itself is very powerful and creates an excellent image.
The ending leaves me with a feeling of uncertainty. As if Seb is really trying to convince himself that Ianthe isn't as crazy as she appears to be, but he isn't quite sure.
Overall, though, I enjoyed the story and, as I said, the character interactions were great. Good job. :D
| Anise Cary chapter 1 . 3/22/2010
His naturally grim mouth was set in a thin lipped line, and from beneath the shaggy blond hair that hung down to his wide, flat cheekbones, the look of finality in his eyes was unmissable. - this is a great description, excellent image
"There you go again," he said, not looking up as he flicked through the book in search of the material he needed, but raising one finger in an accusatory point. "Chaos." - well what does he expect, he's not exactly being helpful, no real suggestions as to what to do about the chaos
She took the pages of her draft, and one by one, tore them in half, scrunching each piece into a tiny ball before batting them over the table into the nearest bin. - now that's frustration, and anger, I'm a bit surprised she didn't chuck them at his head first :)
Who said men couldn't multi-task? - ah but is he doing it well?
"Look," she hissed to Seb as she turned back around. "You got me into trouble." - nice passing of the buck there
You can the girl out of the melodramatic teens, but you can't take the melodramatic teen out of the girl. - first you mean "you can take the girl.." right and second well in some cases this is just too true
Even if you did manage to get hit by a car and survive, you'd still have to finish your essay on the history of the novel at some point. You may as well get it out of the way." - ugh agonizingly logical, i hate that
For a second, he let that worried voice take over, and suddenly Ianthe was no longer there. Seb's world had an Ianthe shaped hole, with only an outline of her shape to ever suggest she was there in first place. - ah proof he truly cares
That was all. - at least he hopes that's all it will ever be
great story here, I love the relationship they have. I can so clearly picture them sitting and having this convo.
from We Return Reviews
| xenolith chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
Wow, you are a master. Reading this in comparison to my one-shots was so educational. What I most liked was how you integrated Seb's physical description into the dialouge tags.
Eg. 'Seb said, shrugging up the shoulders that were a good size too big for his spindley frame, as he pulled out one of the books from the neat little pile in front of him.'
That. That is great :D
I read this nice and slow to fully appreciate the narrative style, call me a geek, but I really enjoyed it. The conversation wasn't forced or anything, just right. I liked Seb's character and you seemed to get that across well through his mannerisms and the little blurb at the end. And even the names were cool, Ianthe and Seb.
Hmm I can't find anything I didn't like. Maybe Ianthe's talk about death in the first place, way too melodramatic for me. But I liked this!
| Wiseman288 chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
I liked the dialog, because it's quick, charming and holds the readers attention.
I also like the details of the characters peppered in, because writing a block of description gets dull after awhile.
| Dougie Boy chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
I really enjoyed the dialogue in this piece. It was very realistic and gave the reader the sense that they are sitting next to them, eavesdropping. To be honest, the name Ianthe, was a bit of a hangup for me at first-it was hard to wrap my head around the way it should sound and so it was difficult for me to get into the piece-however, about halfway through, I began to feel as if I "knew" the characters and so I was able to overlook it. Great story. Good luck with WCC.
| deefective chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Hmm, well I liked the casual and storylike feel of this. You carried it very well throughout from beginning to end. I really got the feel that this was just a story of two good friends. Also, I liked Seb's character. He has that sarcastic, witty, aloof yet lovable kind of thing going for him. He was also well-written. Interesting name you chose, as well. Ianthe. Never heard that one before. There's just one type:
“You can the girl out of the melodramatic teens..."
I'm guessing you meant to say "You can [take] the girl out of.." Other than that, nicely done.
| Madame Y chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
-From the Review Game-
Good opening. I like the dialogue and exchange between Seb and Ianthe. Shows their friendship very well.
This relates to opening and dialogue as well, but you’ve set up the two characters quite well with enough physical description to give the reader a visual impression, but not detract away from the story. Ianthe is convincing as the “worried/chaotic” type while Seb’s nonchalance balances her out nicely. Their relationship is also really cute!
However I think Ianthe’s ponderings about death are a little unrealistic – essay deadlines in themselves don’t usually drive people to such desperation or exaggeration, unless Ianthe has other worries behind her essay.
Didn’t catch any particular grammar errors.
I really liked “Seb’s world had an Ianthe shaped hole, with only an outline of her shape to ever suggest she was there in first place.” Although it should be “…Ianthe-shaped hole”
Pretty cute and funny and I’d like to see where this goes. The title is clever and fitting too for this tone.
| qczhao chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Hi, depth review for the RG here!
As a whole, i really like this piece, flippant discussion of death is always a bonus in my books.
I like the characters. They are well developed, you use archetypes but you use them well, and don't let them fall into the trap of being clichéd characters.
The characters play out a supposedly dark subject in a very lighthearded way. I like the subtlety on display here. I'm sure we all know a seb and an ianthe, and yet, the deeper interpretation is open to those who want to go there.
Flows nicely, description is minimal but that's good in a way, since you want the attention to be focused on the dialogue. I like the descriptions accompanying the dialogue, some authors tend to re-emphasise what was just said like "HELLO!" he shouted, but you use it as a complement rather than a re-emphasis which is good.
It's a nice little summation combined with the authorial message. It's just very neat.
Overall, really nice piece, well structured, well thought out and well written, a pleasure to read.
| Lea Ai chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
Wow...these characters were real! Fantastic job! Good luck with WCC!
| la bonne annee chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
First of all, thank you for the ending! I was dreading something far more dramatic (I'm sure you know what) and that would have been ridiculous; this was perfect, believeable.
Your dialouge is very natural and has an ease to it; I enjoyed reading it and it helped me get a feel for the characters.
A few nit picky descriptions: "...her big, dark eyes squinting at the outside corners..." This doesn't quite make sense to me; I don't know how you can only squint the 'outside corners' of your eyes.
"...far too loudly for their location..." I think this is neccessary; the reader already knows they are in a library and libraries are quiet places; if you tell me she's raising her voice I already know that is a bad thing.
Overall I think the length, pacing and story is very well done; I noticed the quality of the writing right from the start. You have skill as a writer and this story is proof.
| WhyDoesItHaveToRainOnMyParade chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
Here's your freebie...
I liked this, it was very enjoyable. I thought it enjoyable as the characters were very relatable.. I know what it's like before a deadline. Oh and i spotted one tiny error it isn't big but i just thought i would point it out..
What you've got written is this
“You can the girl out of the melodramatic teens, but you can’t take the melodramatic teen out of the girl.”
This is what it should read I believe.
“You can take the girl out of the melodramatic teens, but you can’t take the melodramatic teen out of the girl.”
If that doesn't need to be done just ignore me on that..
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
Being over worked by essays is something everyone can relate to, and that's what made me connect with your characters. Their conversation was, cute, humorous, and fun to read. I also liked the way you tied it in with the prompt.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| The Five chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
Excellent starting line. Unusual, interesting, yet not overly dramatic, and it really pulls you in. The dialogue is great, too. Very realistic with proper punctuation et al. What I didn't like was the slight lack of description, though I suppose too much would have affected the smooth, jocular flow of the story. But without much apart from the dialogue, I didn't really get a sense of your protagonists. But anyways, that's perfectly okay for a oneshot and it was funny enough to make up for it. Great job!
| Kristin Li chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
I really enjoyed this story. I got a sense of who you're characters were, and I thought you did a good job picking the dialogue. It was a serious conversation, and though she was being whiny, I didn't find myself annoyed, because it seemed relate able to me. The way you picked out your characters flaws was very well, because you made them moderate to subtle. Your story is a good example of of how to insert flaws into a character.