Reviews for Geronimo
diwu6398 chapter 1 . 8/18/2010
I was told by thewhimsicalbard to check out Pepper, but I liked this one better and since I'm no good at reviewing poems, I decided to just review this.

I really liked this line here: 'There is toothpaste foam around his mouth, dribbling down his chin in a messy portrait' because it painted a picture of a toothpaste portrait.

This poem had a non-flowing flowy feel to it, if you know what I mean. I don't think you do. I don't understand myself right now.

The endings of each stanza were very cool, the 'Tick. Tick.' and 'Fucking freak' and 'Ha. Ha.'

I thought that it had an angsty yet light feel to it, but maybe that's because of those damn crickets outside. Since angst and light don't really mix.

Great piece, loved this and Pepper too, which I didn't review.
YasuRan chapter 1 . 1/16/2010
*is rendered awestruck by the sheer amazingness of this piece*
XxNoImaginationxX chapter 1 . 1/15/2010
I really loved this poem, it has some really strong imagery, and the descriptions are very thorough. The metaphors you used paint a great picture of the scene, and project quite well what the character sees and is experiencing. I like how this really has no mention to other things, not much of a back story, just what he is thinking and how he sees himself.

I don't really understand the mentions to him being dead or alive though... Still, a brilliant poem!
Dougie Boy chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Powerful. Great imagery-the pain of the character drawing you in. Interesting tie in to the Catcher in the Rye at the end-definitely fitting. Good luck in WCC.

-Dougie Boy
loves him chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
I liked the how you found different and unique ways to sneak in military-related imagery, from the way his toothpaste falls to the noise that we hear (or he does, I guess) throughout the poem. I especially loved the stanza where you described the bruise on his face. It gives him an aura of ruggedness but then the verb 'kisses' gives us the sense that he is almost attached to the physical injuries on his body. No criticisms, just a question: What's the purpose of enclosing the phrase 'tick, ticking' (in the first stanza) ?
Isca chapter 1 . 1/11/2010
"Tick ticking." Hoorah for onomatopoeia. I also really like the way in which this description ties in with the word "slinks" too.

"He is dead." This is ironic, in a sense, since the "ticking"

describes something that is very much still 'energized' and 'functioning.'

"They called him unnerving." Ah, but those are my favourite kind of people. ;)
RawrEllieMayMightBeADinosaur chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
I really like this :)

It's very unique, I've never read anything like it..

I really like how it pretty much all centers around him looking at himself in the mirror...

Hahah. I'm rambling. I like the imagery, personification...It really paints a picture for me :)
Inkspilled chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
It's so unique that it definitely sticks in your mind and makes you think. "while the tide washed the castles ashore", very good imagery and metaphors, they added on nicely to what was such a simple scene with such a complicated backing. Very nicely done. Good luck! :)
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
I really enjoyed the subtlety of the anger in this poem, especially the shifts in the imagery, because it was an out of order look at this guy's life. It made me really think about why you wanted the poem to go in this order.

Honestly, I really thought that the cursing in this poem really helped the tone. I know most people don't consider it professional, but there are lots of people who curse, and it's a part of whoever's life this poem is about.

On the downside, this person's "dead"-ness, as you stated at the beginning of the poem, was too vague. You hadn't "characterized" your poem enough, so to speak. "Dead" has way too many connotations. You probably should have made it a little bit more narrow. Two sentences there probably would have been adequate instead of one, and those two sentences would have provided a nice bit of parallel structure to the end of the poem.

Good poem. It was very gritty. I listened to Sunday Bloody Sunday while I read this, and that beat really fit to this poem. It may have affected the way I read it, but I found it interesting nonetheless.
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
Lovely poem. I liked how you used one image to describe the character's life and story. It gave the piece a sense of solidness.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
That was truly amazing. You gave such great images that I could see them in my mind. Your desciptions were powerful and well thought out, and I could feel real sorrow and pity for your character, but at the same time I could also fear him.

Brilliant writing!
Broken Braille chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
Wow, this is really beautiful. I really can imagine him standing there, looking at his reflection.

I really can't come up with anything constructive to say. Just, good job!