Reviews for Wrong Fall
Alysia Of The Pen chapter 2 . 5/30/2010
. . . please edit this story. As mentioned in the last review, you keep switching between past and present tense, some phrases make no grammatical sense (like "thanks for the crowd they slowed my BS's moves . . . or so I say."), some sentences go on without proper puncuation("I'm so confused I don't know what to do . . . "), and while I know that this is marked fantasy . . . it seems to exist outside of any reality I've ever heard of, possibly including Twilight. It reads like a ramble in a high school girl's notebook, which is (I assume) how it started its life. Moreover, it feels disjointed because of that, and it's hard to read, much less enjoy, that way. I beg you to edit and revise this, and to give it some sort of recognizable flow.
Alysia Of The Pen chapter 1 . 5/30/2010
A bit cute, admittedly. There's definitely something there.

However, the last line doesn't make any sense with the rest of the chapter. Perhaps a problem of transitioning?

You also switch between present and past tense several times here, and it's not only irritating, it's confusing. You must choose one.

Your narrator seems to have changed a few times as well: in the first part of a sentence you'll describe what is going on in a straight voice, with no personal comments, then in the second part, the narration is almost like an author's note or an annotation from a student in a book.

Plus some phrases like "which is not." don't make a lick of sense.
silent bunny11 chapter 2 . 5/20/2010
nice story..

keep going!:D
donxcat chapter 1 . 4/27/2010
a nice story; well told. don
GeekAcademy51 chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
engaging story ...cant wait to see what happens!
thebestday chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
I'd love to see where this goes. Very cute beginning! Continue! :)