|Reviews for Zeakel and Zolin|
| Fluffo chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
you should call it something drippy that doesn't make sense so more people will read it, like "shattered flowers for my beloved" or something
| zombie chickens chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Gotta love prophesies, especially the ones that are really obscure, but maybe hint at what's to come? Well I love any story that is all adventure and fantasy because no matter what they never cease to entertain. You have an interesting concept that could use a little filling in in some places. I just have a few things to point out that I hope might help you with it, or at least I hope it does since you gave me a lot of good tips.
The first thing I want to point out is the section in the beginning. The part where she is crying in class after her friend de-friended her. The whole going into the past seems a little too abrupt, or something. It just felt out of place to start a story with and it seems odd that her long time friend seemingly randomnly decided she didn't want anything to do with her anymore. I guess it only works if you go into more depth later or add some more details in the beginning.
Your dialogue is interesting, but some of it feels a little too forced or something in a few places. You have a tendency to over use the "..." mid sentence. Sometimes it's alright to just say that the character paused or looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing. I liked the fact that they were talking about favorite colors while training, it was a nice touch.
Anyway, Aside from all that there were no gramatical errors that I could see or were bothered by-which is way better than I can do. Hats off to you. And this is setting up to be an interesting story. I hope you update it soon. :)