|Reviews for Spun Gold|
| Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
Oh i love this. The lines that really caught my eye were,
"My soul's running through the night tonight,
And I'm trailing behind."
Wonderful imagery in this piece. Great work!
| steffxnie chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
'Tonight's pulsing through my veins, and tomorrow through my mind.' I really like this line.
Nice piece. Keep up the good work!
| MeAsIAm chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
Loved the poem! Classically mystic and vague, if I am say so.
However these lines hamper the flow:
And it is not an animate object.
It seems off somehow.
suspended (strangled) in a state of perpetual tranquility.
The line is too long compared to the remaining lines.
I generally don't alter my poems after suggestions (as I write them for myself), so it's really upto you. The imagery was beautiful - And I'm trailing behind.: Seemed like I am being dragged by ropes of gold, silver copper...Loved it.
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 3/18/2010
I like how the feeling is revealed but not the scenario. Lovely choice of words and the flow was perfect. You could practically feel the excitement and the enchanted vibe from the prose. Good job!
| she left ringing in his head chapter 1 . 2/12/2010
oh wow! the first line is brilliant!
a great opening. all of it was beautifully written,
i look forward to reading more pieces by you.
| Long Island Iced Tea chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
This was interesting... I might be completely off the mark but it sounded to me like the narrator just killed a friend (an old, but not necessarily much-loved friend) and now she's on the run? Spun Gold, braided satin.. it seemed like a description of her hair. Was the Mary the friend? "And it is not an animate object" though, just didn't fit the rhythm, particularly the word 'animate' which looked a bit odd. I loved the descriptions of metals and the last two lines of the poem... *bows in awe*
| jake Chan chapter 1 . 1/12/2010
I usually don't read poetry, so I don't know how this compares to other works, but I did like this. Though it is rather vague; I couldn't quite understand what you were writing about. Are these all metaphors? The imagery, like in your other works, is well done. But the pictures of gold, ropes, silver and plates don't connect in my mind to form an understanding of what this poem's about.
I like this line: "My soul's running through the night tonight, And I'm trailing behind."
But the last line is the best. Even though I don't understand most of what's before it(and maybe that's my fault because I don't read enough poetry) I love that line. :D
| aneko24 chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Well, well, two days, two stories, each more cheery than the last, eh?
Pleasant distraction from the curse that is doing math homework with a headache, reviewing is (I don't bloody care what the parallel line to y1/2(x-4)1 that goes through (2,5) is in standard form! Gr...).
Heh. I've been reading The Sweet Far Thing, and it shows. English was so much more fun in 1896.
I'm not going to pretend to understand the whole poem, as like I said above (-points-) I've got a headache. Usually this would make reading poetry rather difficult and kind of tedious and painful. But, as I've learned right about now, that depends entirely upon the poem! Yours is less of a corrosive acid bearing down on my brain and more like water (water is nice...). Actually, both those would probably be bad. But I'm going to continue with my crappy metaphors and just go along with them anyway.
Lines That Don't Seem To Fit:
"Mary in her frame covered in resin"
"Something is leaving my fingers tonight.
And it is not an animate object."
Lines That Yell "I Pwn Classic-For-No-Apparent-Reason Poetry With My Awesome":
A mile a minute,
my heart is racing."
"It's running through my soul tonight,
the excitement of a whole new world,
copper and brass and tangy bright silver.
My soul's running through the night tonight,
And I'm trailing behind." (yes, I did just put a whole stanza...)
"Tonight's pulsing through my veins,
and tomorrow through my mind."
Ok, so, back to the unfitting ones.
The first is easy to fix, as it's just the rhythm that's slightly off. As I am the Queen of Loving Hyphens, my attempt at fixing it involves a hyphen:
"Mary in her resin-covered frame"
And as I also hold the throne for loving semicolons, I'll continue with that too:
"Mary in her resin-covered frame;
in perpetual tranquillity suspended (strangled)"
(Didn't stick it above, but the line after that's a mouthful- it feels like it has too many words and stuff)
The second on the list of not-fit is just there because I have no idea what the heck it's supposed to mean. O.o
If she spins thread, is she used to spinning living wool or something? O.o
Or is it a Fates metaphor where she's used to spinning the threads of life? (I kind of doubt that was the intention, but just had to throw it out there _~)
I really, really don't get the third stanza, and it's kind of creeping me out, but I'll just ignore the creepy feeling and go with how it's a nice touch to make the plates crash faster at the end: "Crash. Crash." versus "Crash, crash, crash" and such. Is she like, breaking the plates one by one and then starts dashing them against the floor faster in a rampage or something?
And then the last stanza... Is she finding ways to make more things, spin more things, and wonders what tomorrow brings? Or something like that?
...am I dreadfully overthinking things?
Anyway, very good job. Haunting... o.o